Irregular Tammie

Blech.

2012-01-27T21:47:00.001-05:00

I have a case of the blechies. The kids are annoying me. The sound of Jay yelling at the kids is also annoying me.

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Work has been weird. There are a lot of changes happening that are kind of awkward and stressful.

Jay's work has also been weird but for different reasons than my work weird. But yeah, two work weirds in one house can be messy.

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The speech pathologist at Lucy's school observed her recently and I received the paperwork in the mail today regarding the observation. The bad news is that she is a 'moderate to severe stutterer.' The good news (I guess) is that she qualifies for special help from the school because technically she has a Communication Disorder. I fluctuate between really hating the label because I don't like to think of my daughter being reduced to a label. But also, I know the label is necessary (in regards to funding) for the school to get her the help she needs.

I'm actually kind of surprised that Lucy qualifies for extra help since one of the stipulations is that the stutter has to 'interfere with her ability to learn' and since Lucy is academically quite awesome, that's obviously not the case. But there's this: "Lucy's teacher expresses concern about peers being able to understand Lucy when she has a stuttering moment and that some peers do not approach her because they are not sure if they will understand her or how to communicate." As painful as those words are for me to read, I am so thankful that the girl's teacher is observant and thoughtful enough to include that in the evaluation because it may have been the deciding factor in whether or not my girl gets help at school.

I don't know. The whole thing just hurts my heart. On the eighth I have a meeting with Lucy's teacher and the speech teacher and we're going to set up an Individualized Education Program (IEP) for Lucy. I really don't know what that means. I guess I'm about to find out.

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I'm trying to remain cheerful. I actually have a fun weekend ahead of me. Tomorrow the girl and I are going over to Visty's for a birthday party for her youngest. Visty and her people make me happy. Then on Sunday I have a day of doing nothing topped off by a book club meeting. I can handle that. I may stay in my jammies and drink General Foods International Coffee until 4 in the afternoon.

A few other things keeping me from spending the next few weeks crying:

* This song by Woodpigeon.

* This article by Drew Magary. Drew Magary probably isn't on your radar because he mainly writes about sports (I know. Ugh.) But he also writes some totally hilarious parenting articles that are realistic and filled with curse words, as all parenting articles should be.(Note: Drew also writes books, one of which is resting on the back of my toilet as we speak. We're highbrow that way.)

*Olek's crochet graffiti

*Barney Frank is getting married. I want to go that wedding. SO BADLY.

Car Update

2012-01-26T11:10:00.002-05:00

It's occurred to me that I haven't posted about all the work Jay's been doing to my 'vintage' Cabriolet. (Doesn't vintage sound so much better than old?) He's replaced the broken window, installed the stereo, had the car detailed, and replaced the ugly fuel tank cap with the original, (very German) one that requires the owner to not only use a key, but then to rotate the cap much like you would if you were opening a safe. Needless to say, I've not yet mastered the complexities of the cap and neither has anyone who works at the gas station, so poor Jay still has to go get gas for me. (You long time readers might remember that I hate pumping gas and have only done it once in my life. Not a problem here in Oregon where it's illegal to pump your own gas and there are attendants to do it for you. Unless you have a gas tank that the attendant can't open. Maybe one day the gas station nearest my house will hire an old German fellow and Jay won't have to do this chore anymore.)

My favorite car improvement though is the stereo:

Does it look odd to you? That's because it has a tape deck. (Definition of such an archaic device can be found here.) And that white thing sticking out is called a cassette tape. I've clearly labeled it in the picture below:That particular cassette tape is Erasure's Wonderland. I've mentioned before how much I love Erasure and this album is especially......um....flaming. So much so that when I get out of my car, I'm shocked to see that it isn't actually 1986 and the people around me aren't wearing popped collars and talking into giant cell phones. I would like to expand my cassette collection, but for some reason, nobody sells cassettes anymore. Peculiar.

Interesting little tidbit about me and my car: I work with a gal who shares my name and also drives a vintage white Cabriolet, although mine is just a wee bit more vintage than hers. When anyone new comes to work with us, it takes them a while to realize which Tammie they're gonna get. It's been a fun and unexpected way to fuck with people.

Book Review:: Waterfall

2012-01-24T12:22:00.000-05:00

To Gabi and Lia Betarrini, summers in Italy are nothing new. The girls are used to spending time in exotic places while their archaeologist mother digs through ancient rubble. It was a typical day in Tuscany when Gabi and Lia place their hands atop a hand print on a tomb wall and are transported to the fourteenth century.

Once there, they're separated and find themselves in the castles of feuding families. Lia with the ruthless and brutal Parratores and Gabi with the kind and strong Forellis. At first, Gabi's main goal is to locate her sister so they can together get back to their time, but then she finds herself falling in love with the handsome knight Marcello, future Lord of the Forelli family. Not only does Gabi have to decide whether to go home or stay in the fourteenth century with her true love, but she has to find a way to survive during the harsh and bloody Medieval times.

Okay. Obviously this is not a book I would have chosen for myself. This was the first pick for my new book club and it is very YA. The story is somewhat flat, the characters aren't developed very well, and the editing seems to have been done a bit lazily. For instance on page 265 the word "massive" is used twice, two sentences apart. There are the "massive numbers of horses rumbling towards the gate" and then a "massive, rusted metal beam." The author definitely could have benefited from the use of a thesaurus.

Thee author of Waterfall mentions being inspired by the Twilight series and I can definitely see the similarities between the two. Both have female main characters who seem to inexplicably hold some sort of power over the handsome guy that everyone wants. Both stories also have a main character choosing between two worlds-the world they know or the world where they think their soul mate is. Waterfall is only the first book in a series of three and I'm curious to see how the author will tie all the loose ends together. (Not curious enough to read the other two books though.)

The biggest difference between Waterfall and Twilight is that where Bella was weak, helpless, and constantly needing to be saved, Gabi is a strong chick. She can wield a sword and isn't afraid to fight. The fact that there is a strong female main character is probably the best I can say about this book. All in all, the story itself wasn't very compelling.

I had mentioned last week that I was worried this book would have a lot of religious overtones because the publisher is known for its Christian material. In actuality there ended up being very little mention of God or Christianity at all. In fact, the times they were mentioned, it almost felt like an afterthought. (Examples: Gabi voices some not-very-heartfelt prayers during times of distress, asks if 'The Big Guy" is listening to her, etc.) There are also a few times where Christian tidbits are thrown in as a way of describing something. For instance, the age of a tomb is described as being "built three or four hundred years before Christ came to earth." These descriptions felt forced and unnecessary, because Gabi even describes herself as not very religious and as having read only the children's Bible her Grandma gave her when she was little. It felt out of character for Gabi to be tossing such descriptions into casual conversation.

So should you read it? I'd say no, it's pretty much garbage. BUT, in looking at Goodreads, I found that a lot of gals loved it. So if you enjoy YA literature this may be the book for you. As for me, I just found it silly and not very engrossing.

Sunday

2012-01-22T21:34:00.000-05:00

I love how a lot of my blog people are journaling more lately. Journaling is so low pressure and easy to do. And I don't feel as if I have to write a certain 'way'. I'm just chronicling my days, not writing a novel.

This past Friday we had dinner at Jay's Aunt's house. (We'd been trying to get together since we moved here, but every one's schedules being what they are, it's been tough.) She and her partner have a beautiful condo in N. Portland overlooking the Columbia River. They served us great food, spectacular wine, and put up with our obnoxiously loud daughter. Plus, they play board games. I want to spend more time with these ladies.

This morning the kids slept in until after 10 so Jay and I woke up lazily, turned on the TV and started watching Greenberg. Have any of you seen this movie? It's Ben Stiller as I've never seen him before. Usually, he kind of annoys me but now I'm looking at him a bit differently. It felt very luxurious to lay in bed in the morning watching a movie, getting up only to make myself a bowl of cereal. We need to do this more often. (Speaking of movies: We Need To Talk About Kevin will be coming to theatres in Portland next month. I'm giddy. I really, really, want to see this film.)

Since Jay and I were both off of work today, our initial plan was to go hiking again, but it's been raining so much and all I really felt like doing was staying home and eating bowl after bowl of potato leek soup. Of course, that plan didn't excite the kids as much, especially the girl, who was racing and jumping through the house by mid afternoon. Instead of just yelling at her to settle down, (our usual plan) we took her to PlayDate PDX, which is a giant indoor playground. It may have been the best $10 I ever spent because the girl has been quiet and relatively calm since coming home. The evening, as a whole, has been peaceful.

Cooper Mountain Nature Park

2012-01-17T13:36:00.001-05:00

I suppose this could also be entitled, "The One In Which I Post Too Many Pictures of Snowy Nature."

I've missed our family nature outings. Up until this weekend it seems as if it's been months since we'd been out together, in the woods, near the water, or in the mountains.This past Sunday the weather was perfect. Cold, a little bit snowy, and with the sky such a beautiful shade of silvery grey.There was just enough snow on the ground to make the walk interesting, not enough to make it dangerous or more difficult for hiking.
The first part of our walk was all downhill and we were wondering why it seemed so easy. But then we got to the bottom, turned the corner, and saw this:Two days later, I'm still feeling the effects of the steep trail.

I feel like these moments we spend together outside are especially important for my thirteen year old son. When it's just our family, outside at some semi-secluded place, he can be himself. He doesn't have to try to be anything else, the way that he does so often with his peers. If he wants to do something so dorky as getting into a snowball fight with his dad and little sister, he doesn't feel the need to first stop and consider whether or not it would look 'cool' to do so.

(For me, one of the most frustrating aspects of being the parent of a teenager is trying to convince that teenager that he's totally fine just the way he is. That everything about him is the way it should be and that eventually he'll be mad at himself for attempting to change to impress people he doesn't really care about anyway. That life is far too short to spend it trying to get people whom you don't like, to like you. My best friend and I were just discussing this topic today and we both agreed that we wished we could get certain years of our lives back, years spent devoting too much time to what others think.)

After our hike was over and we got back to the car, it began to snow again.
We don't really get much snow here, so of course we had to hang out and soak it all in just a little bit longer. Come summertime, I'll need these memories to get me through the heat and the long, oppressively bright sunny days.

Random Thoughts

2012-01-14T09:26:00.000-05:00

* I still have Christmas decorations up. The tree is gone but there are still smatterings of the holiday season randomly around my apartment. Today may have to be the day though.

*I've joined a book club. I'm very excited because I've wanted a book club for a while but had a hard time finding one that worked with my schedule. This particular one was started by a couple of gals who I work with though, so scheduling isn't an issue. The first book we're reading is Waterfall by Lisa Bergren, which is quite a popular book right now, but as I'm reading it, it seems kinda Christian-y. So I looked up the publisher, and sure enough, they publish a lot Christian literature and curriculum. I was kinda pissed at first, but it should make for an opinionated me at the book club meeting.

*The other night I took the boy to Hot Topic so that he could spend his Christmas gift card. As he was browsing the skinny jeans and black hooded sweatshirts, the girl and I stood by the counter looking at the wall of Hello Kitty merchandise. Since it's January, the store was slow and the girl who worked there came up and started talking to me. (Side note: I'm always shocked when ultra hip people speak to me, even if it's their job to do so.) Anyway, this gal had about 15 piercings on her face and ears, including a giant one protruding from her cheek. As a general rule, I don't spend each day feeling old. Basically, I feel like a teenager still who somehow stumbled into adulthood and now has to deal with things like bills and kids. But looking at that girl, I felt ancient because it would never occur to me to pierce my cheek.

*The other day I got a weird, spammy looking email from my old real estate agent in Florida. I didn't actually click the link inside, but ever since then it seems as if other weird spammy email is being generated from my account. So if anyone gets an email from me, be careful about looking at it. I'm not one to put "IMPORTANT" in the subject line. Leave it to the RE agent to find one more way to screw me.

Book Review:: Dance Upon the Air

2012-01-08T22:03:00.001-05:00

In an attempt to get away from her violently abusive husband, Helen Remington fakes her death, changes her name to Nell Channing, and flees to the tiny island of Three Sisters. Within just a few days she meets some of the island's residents: the beguiling Mia, who takes Nell under her wing and gives her a job cooking in the cafe that she owns; Ripley, the tough as nails female cop; and Zack, Ripley's brother, also a cop, and OF COURSE he's totally handsome and falls head over heels in love with timid Nell. Of course he does.

It isn't long before Nell discovers that Mia and Ripley have always practiced witchcraft and that they, along with Nell, are descendants of the Three Sisters for whom the island is named after. Magic and witchery is in their blood.

Uh-oh. But evil this way cometh. The women know this because Mia, the strongest of the three, senses it in the wind, or the clouds, or the moon, or something like that. Nell's ex husband has gotten word that she's alive and doing quite well without him, and he is none to pleased about it. He hops on the next ferry with the intent of hunting her down.

Can the combined powers of the three witches stop him before it's too late?

Okay, obviously total chick lit. Not something I would normally read, but a couple of my co-workers were discussing it and it sounded kinda fun, and all in all, it was. It was total mindless fluff that I didn't really have to think about. In a way, it sort of felt like the Twilight series, only for adults, and with witches instead of vampires. The characters were all pretty one dimensional. I knew the story wasn't going to go in any groundbreaking direction and that all would end well.

My biggest complaint would be the descriptions of the kind and gentle (yet somehow also seismic) sex between Nell and Zack. Example: She vibrated beneath him, a volcano on the brink of erupting. Flashes of white hot heat, curls of keen edged longing raced through her system until she was raw and ready. Curls of keen edged longing? What does that even mean? I don't know, I guess it's standard fare for chick lit, it's just not my type of thing.

I imagine it sounds as if I hated the book, but I really didn't. It was a fun, easy read that didn't tax my brain too much. This was actually the first book in the Three Sisters Trilogy and I plan to read the remaining two. Maybe I'm just getting soft in my old age, but more and more I find myself needing the occasional junk read.

Wishes For My Now Seven Year Old Daughter

2012-01-05T12:45:00.000-05:00

Lucy,

Please continue to love what you love, even if it's not popular. Don't let society tell you what to like and not like. It's a waste of time because in my experience society is either way off base or just plain stupid. I'm so glad you chose a Sonic cake this year. It doesn't matter if he's an old character and none of the other little girls love him or even know who he is. You do, and that's what matters. If someone has a problem with that, screw 'em. And I give you permission to say that.

I hope that spaghetti remains your favorite food for the rest of your life. You may not always be able to afford Nutella or fancy cheese, but chances are you'll always be able to afford spaghetti. It's a gift to find something you love that is also affordable.

Hold on to the friends who will take the time to make you a hand made gift.

Please don't stop singing and humming. I love how there is always a tune in your head.

Always remain as strong willed and stubborn as you are today. Sure it annoys me now, but those are traits that will get you what you want out of life. At the very least, people will submit to your will out of sheer exhaustion.

Right now, at seven years old, you see yourself as this totally adorable, smart, cool chick. And that's accurate. But pretty soon, sooner than I would probably like, there are going to be people who will try to tell you that you aren't cool or cute or smart. To those people, I say a loud fuck you.

And I give you permission to say that too.

Random Thoughts

2012-01-01T11:19:00.001-05:00

*I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's Eve. Mine was great because I went to bed at 11:00 and was not awakened by the sound of any fireworks come midnight. It would seem that my neighbors are as unimpressed by fireworks as I am.

*Along those lines, the other morning Jay and I awoke to the sounds of one of our neighbors blaring Peter Murphy. Neither of us has listened to him in a long time but we both agreed it was an oddly peaceful way to wake up.

*My Christmas tree is still up. The girl's birthday is tomorrow and I've arranged all her presents underneath it and declared it The Birthday Tree.Jay jokingly asked if the tree was still going to be up in February for his birthday. Don't tempt me. Seriously though, it's probably time for it to come down. As the branches begin to droop, ornaments fall off and then get thrown back on the tree willy nilly. It just doesn't look as cheery anymore.

*I'm still struggling with the idea of a birthday party for the girl. I've been going back and forth with the idea for the last few weeks, wondering if I should send out invitations, or at this point, just call people and tell them to be at my house at a certain time. Ultimately, I'm leaning towards it just being family again this year. Maybe it's selfish of me, because I know that the girl would love a party where she can be the center of attention, but those moments when it's just the four of us are so special to me. With Jay and I both working and the kids having their own schedules, those moments are rare anymore.

*A few weeks back, Daphne sent me this link about how to make a candle from a clementine peel. Since I'm still having my love affair with clementines, I make these almost daily.

I wish all of you a Happy New Year and a wonderful 2012!

The Year In Books-2011

2011-12-30T18:35:00.001-05:00

Oh this was a bad year for reading. I read only 28 books this year, my lowest number since I began keeping track of what I read. I could say it was because I had a job. I could say it was because I crafted more than usual this year. But the truth of the matter is that the one thing that cut into my reading time more than anything else, was......Law and Order: Criminal Intent. I know. It's really embarrassing. I was cleaning out the DVR the other day, deleting all the L & O's I'd already seen. I deleted over 100 episodes. That's over 100 hours of my time. And if I'm being totally honest, I watched a bunch of episodes more than once. So yeah, I might not have been well read this year, but I do know that if I ever need to dispose of a body I should plunk it in a bathtub and cover it with lye, which will dissolve all of the organic material. And I cannot forget to fish the jewelry out of the drain, because if I leave even one shred of evidence, the detectives are going to find it and then I have a one way boat trip to Rikers.

Without further adieu, the paltry list:

1. Every Last One by Anna Quindlen
2. Bright Sided: How the Relentless Pursuit of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America by Barbara Ehrenreich
3. What It Is by Lynda Barry
4. Feminism and Pop Culture by Andi Zeisler
5. Asterios Polyp by David Mazzucchelli
6. Whiter Shades of Pale: Stuff White People Like by Christian Lander
7. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares
8. Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv
9. The Idiot Girl and the Flaming Tantrum of Death by Laurie Notaro
10. Winter's Bone by Daniel Woodrell
11. White Oleander by Janet Fitch
12. Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
13. A Short Guide to A Happy Life by Anna Quindlen
14. Haunting Jasmine by Anjali Banerjee
15. Icy Sparks by Gwyn Hyman Rubio
16. Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People by Amy Sedaris
17. Ramona Quimby, Age 8 by Beverly Cleary
18. Just Kids by Patti Smith
19. The Anti Romantic Child by Priscilla Gilman
20. The Last Time They Met by Anita Shreve
21. Love is a Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield
22. Faith by Jennifer Haigh
23. The Violets of March by Sarah Jio
24. Bossypants by Tina Fey
25. We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver
26. Empire Falls by Richard Russo
27. The Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff
28. Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever by Jeff Kinney

Of Note:

* Best Book: Definitely, hands down, no doubt in my mind, We Need to Talk About Kevin. (Review here.) I still find myself thinking about this book. At my work we sell something called a Faux bow that is a Nerf-type bow and arrow, I cannot even look at this product without thinking about Kevin. I wish I had never read this book just so that I could read it again for the first time. Really, if you haven't read it yet, DO SO!

* Worst Book: Icy Sparks. (Review here.) Just bad. But honestly, I get a certain amount of joy from those awful books. In fact, in the new year I may purposely work in a few awful books just for fun.

*I read a lot of really good non fiction this year: The Anti-Romantic Child, Just Kids, Love Is a Mix Tape, and Last Child in the Woods. It was a good year for non fiction.

*On the flip side, a lot of the fiction that I read was quite dull. The few stand outs (aside from Kevin): Winter's Bone, Empire Falls, and Never Let Me Go. I find myself thinking about those books quite often, especially Never Let Me Go, which was about a group of young people who were born for the sole purpose of being forced to donate their organs. They donate as much as possible until they can no longer survive. I know, it sounds totally gruesome, but the book was more about the friendships between the donors. It was fascinating and has stuck with me.

*Biggest Disappointment: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Even though this is a Young Adult book, I expected it to blow me away because I know a lot of really smart gals who love it. But instead I got poor character development and a story that I couldn't care less about. I haven't bothered to read the rest of the books in the series.

Despite the fact that I got off to a great start by reading seven books in January alone, I'm definitely disappointed by books this year. Not only was most of what I read completely forgettable, but a lot of those books made me not want to read for a while. They turned my favorite past time into a chore.

Reading Goals for 2012:

*Definitely read more than 28 books. I really like to keep a loose goal of fifty books.

*Devote just a bit more time to researching books and hunting down ones I'll love, so I don't waste time reading clunkers.

Now I need some suggestions. What are you reading right now? What was your favorite book of the year?

Saturday

2011-12-17T16:27:00.005-05:00

This Saturday I:

*Ate about seven clementines.I go through phases with these little guys. Sometimes I can't get enough of them, other times they rot on the counter.

*Made Rum Balls. I had made them last week for the holiday party for work. I didn't think they had gone over real well but yesterday my boss offered to pay me to make more for a Christmas gift for her husband. I'm just happy someone likes something I've made. (This is the recipe I use, although I've been known to add a splash or two more of the rum.)

*Went to Michael's and stood in a very, very long line to pay for the last (hopefully) of this years Christmas packaging ( to package said rum balls).

*Finished reading a book, The Monsters of Templeton. It was okay but not great. I wanted to like it more but it was kinda pretentious. I wouldn't recommend it.

*Started reading a new book, Dance Upon the Air by Nora Roberts. I've never actually read any of her books, but this trilogy was recommended to me by a couple of gals, so I figured I'd give it a shot. Have any of you read it? (Hmmmm.....I see that Amazon has given it a "Sensuality Rating" of 6. What does that mean?)

*Played some of my son's video games. Because sometimes I just want to shoot something.

*Mailed out most of our holiday cards.

*Was annoyed by the laughter of children. (I know, I'm a monster.) My downstairs neighbors are moving out and I've had to listen to the gleeful squealing of their two pre school age daughters all day long as they clanged around on the metal ramp of the moving truck. They're a nice enough family but there is just something about all of them that kinda bugs me. I'm glad they're moving, now I don't have to pretend to like them anymore.

Random Thoughts

2011-12-15T10:48:00.000-05:00

* This morning I find myself in the kitchen making cookies for Lucy's class holiday party. I jumped at the chance to do this since I don't have as much time to volunteer in the class as I used to. But I had to cancel a trip to Ikea with a co-worker friend in order to have the time to bake. By the looks of what I'm using as a rolling pin, I probably should have gone to Ikea first.

*I'm drinking wine at 10:00 AM. It's a glass I didn't finish last night. It's my morning wine.

*Truth be told, I'm feeling a bit over extended lately. Work has been insane (as a toy store should be this time of year) and I've had a lot of social type things to do. A homebody such as myself doesn't quite know how to handle it. Plus, there are all the things I haven't done that I've wanted to do like the Ikea trip or the fact that Visty and I have been trying to get together for about two weeks now and despite the fact that we live mere miles from one another, we just can't seem to make it work. At this rate the Christmas gift I have for her may end up being a Valentines Day gift. Also, I think I've forgotten what my husband looks like. As busy as I've been though, it's a good busy.

*I work this afternoon (which means that my morning wine is also my pre-work wine!) and then I'm off for the next two days. I may spend Saturday in my jammies watching cartoons.

*Daphne is coming over the day after Christmas. Gosh, I love her. It will be a short visit but we have a lot to chat about. Fondue has been bought.

*The girl's birthday is coming up right after Christmas. I'm trying to find a way to keep the whole thing very low key yet still make her birthday wishes come true. She's requested a Sonic the Hedgehog cake. Tomorrow I'm going to see about enlisting the help of the professionals on this one.

Off to go finish my pre-work wine.

The New Wheels

2011-12-13T15:55:00.001-05:00

I am now the proud owner of a 1989 VW Cabriolet. We got an amazing deal on it from a broke college student who needed some quick cash.

It has a few minor things wrong with it, but nothing that will keep me from driving it to and from work. And frankly, I think Jay is a bit excited about the prospect of having something to fix up. He likes projects. He makes nightly visits to Ebay and a bunch of parts are already on the way, including the replacement for the small side window that was smashed out when, as the girl puts it, "some jerk stealed the radio."

No worries though, as Jay says he can get me the original AM/FM/Cassette Player for about $30.

Now if I could only find my box of cassette tapes.

Tuba Christmas

2011-12-12T07:16:00.000-05:00

Tuba Christmas.

Because who wouldn't want to go into the city,Sit with hundreds of other people in near freezing weather,Maybe catch a glimpse of this guy,And then listen to 225 tuba players perform Christmas tunes?Okay, apparently the answer to that question would be: my kids, because they spent a great deal of the afternoon grumbling. But Jay and I had fun. The young ones in our family need to just quit clinging to the notion that they're cooler than a tuba concert. They are not.

But those frowns were turned upside down when we stopped at a few of the Portland Food Carts. Poutine from Potato ChampionSavory Mac and Cheese pie (shown half eaten 'cause it was so damn yummy) from Whiffies. I also had a sweet peanut butter and chocolate chip pie but there are no pictures of it because, again, damn yummy. Pizza from Pyro Pizza

Shrimp Po' Boy and Blue Cheese Cole Slaw from Bubba Bernie's. Why has no one ever offered me blue cheese covered cole slaw before in my life? It was amazing.

Since the day ended with everyone smiling, I'm considering it a success. Plus, since the girl is now in her room singing songs from the Tuba Christmas song book, I'm thinking she may have enjoyed it more than she'll admit. Sometimes they just need convincing.

A Random Act of Knitting

2011-12-10T18:36:00.001-05:00

A while back I read about Guerrilla Knitting and always thought it seemed like a very Portland thing to do but had never actually seen any in person.

Which is why I may have squealed with excitement when I saw this:

I wish someone would knit pole warmers for the poles in my neighborhood.

The Elf on the Shelf

2011-12-08T22:40:00.000-05:00

Have you heard of this guy?In case you're unfamiliar with him, throughout December he sits on a shelf during the day watching all of the children and then at night he reports back to the North Pole to tell Santa how the boys and girls are behaving. Upon his return, he sits on a different shelf, because, well duh, that's how you know he actually left.

I have some thoughts on this.

*First off, people are really into this. We sell the kit, which includes The Elf and the book, for $30 and have a hard time keeping them in stock. I'm amazed that people are that committed to this idea and can keep it going all the way until Christmas. My motivation for such a project would definitely fizzle out after a few days and I would have to tell my kids that our Elf is so good at his job that he could tell after only a short time how they were behaving and he decided to take the rest of the month off.

*My pal, Dawn, has the Elf. She named him Jimmy after a character on Boardwalk Empire. (Things like that make me love her even more.) But she just told me that on the show Jimmy recently had sex with his mom and now she's having a hard time looking at her Elf.

*The Elf has a song. "The Elf on the Shelf is watching you, what you say and what you do." Creepy. Really, really creepy.

*At work we have a store Elf. Every night we have to hide him and the first kid to find him the next day gets a candy cane. The problem is, that at the end of the night we're all ready to skedaddle out of there with the quickness so we usually forget The Elf. Then one of us will get a late night text saying something to the effect of, "Shit! I forgot to move The Elf! Will you do it for me in the morning?" Because we have had kids who come in and say, "Hey! The Elf was in the same place yesterday!" (It should say something about the community I work in that kids are actually in a toy store two days in a row.)

*When I'm in charge of hiding The Elf, I carry him around the store swinging him by his scrawny Elf legs until I find the best possible place to hide him. Kinda ruins some of the Christmas Magic, doesn't it? Confession: I don't want kids to find him. I want kids to get agitated and frustrated when looking for him. I don't want them to cry, I just want them to learn the hard lesson that not everything in life is going to come to them so easily.

*If I know that adults are looking for The Elf, I like to give them vague, cryptic, and mostly unhelpful hints such as "The Elf is by a box." I also like to tell them if they're Hot or Cold. Especially if they are Cold. Last week I said to a Grandpa, "Wow! You are freezing cold. You're never gonna find The Elf over here. Come on, you can do better. A toddler found him earlier." (Note: This type of talk only works on men, who think that I'm being playful and possibly slightly flirty. Women think I'm being a bitch. They may be right.)

A Thought and Daddy's Little Buddy

2011-12-08T12:52:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of this year I made an agreement with myself that I wouldn't blog unless I had something to say. I did this because I wanted to challenge myself to put more thought into what I write, and in some ways I think I have. The downside to this little experiment though was that I wrote less, mentally talking myself out of writing about certain things if I didn't think I could get more than three paragraphs out of it. That, combined with the fact that I just don't have enough time to devote to writing long posts everyday, means that things have grown kind of quiet. And that makes me sad. There have been so many stupid little observations I've had the past year that I chose not to write about because I didn't feel as if it would really be bringing anything to the table, so to speak.

But this morning I saw this post of Heather's and it was such a good reminder to me. All of those stupid observations I've had are a part of my life, and by not chronicling them, I run the risk of forgetting about them. So I think I'm going to go back to the way things were. I'm going to go back to blogging even when I don't have anything to say.

Starting now.

A few weeks ago Jay brought this home after finding it on the floor of his store:

He keeps trying to tell me it's a penis head cozy but I'm not convinced.

Holiday Decorating 2011

2011-12-02T15:58:00.001-05:00

A few days ago I was thinking about the post I wrote last year about our Christmas ornaments. I came home from work and reread it and the comments you all had left and it put me in such a cheery mood. I loved reading everyone's thoughts and feelings about ornaments and why certain ones are special. I really think that the tree is my favorite part of the holiday season so I thought I'd take a few moments to share some of our most recent ornament additions.

These dog portraits were purchased at Goodwill but I think they originally came from Target.Jay was pulled towards these because of the Ryan Berkley feel they have, since Berkley is an artist we both love. Plus, we thought they would go nicely with our dog balls (see post). They are totally corny and totally us. We've actually amassed quite a few dog related ornaments. I was thinking that maybe next year we'd have a smaller table top tree. Possibly it could be dog themed? (If so I may need to purchase these dog ornaments as well.)

These quail were also found by Jay at Goodwill:They're quite large, just a tad smaller than an actual quail. They sit on the branches so nicely and give our tree a bit of class.

These wooden Russian doll-type ornaments were bought after the holidays last year.The girl loves Russian Dolls so these ornaments are her favorites.

As we were digging through our ornament boxes I was surprised that the following one had made the cut last year because I really don't think it even is a Christmas ornament. Just because something has a red string on it, does not mean it has to be hung on a tree.

The note on it reads:

1. Place block on floor.

2. Walk around it twice.

3. SIT DOWN! RELAX!

4. You now just walked around the block twice!

Yeah, I know. It's idiotic. BUT, when the boy saw it he grabbed it from the box and excitedly yelled, "My exercise block! This is my favorite ornament!" So I guess it's here to stay.

One more way in which I've decided to decorate for the holidays is with deer. I have some deer ornaments and I've picked up some figurines at thrift stores, Etsy, and various other places. I'd like to say that I have them tastefully set up around the apartment but the mischievous elves who live with me have taken to rearranging them:

Bad Santa indeed.

What are your thoughts on ornaments? Do you bring new ones in yearly? If so, do you get rid of ones you aren't loving anymore or can you not part with them?

(For other, more spiritual, thoughts on the holiday tree, please visit my pal Jessie who has a lovely post over at Rhythm of the Home.)

The Top Bunk

2011-11-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

This is what the girl's bed normally looks like:

All those fuzzy friends tend to hide my handiwork though, so today while she was at school I climbed aboard the top bunk, pitched her pals to the floor, and proceeded to cram myself into some uncomfortably tight corners in order to take the following pictures:This is my first crocheted blanket and it only took me about 8 months to complete. Although in my defense, there were a few months where I didn't work on it at all. It's done in a double crochet stitch which I learned via a YouTube video.

Like all my work, this blanket isn't perfect, but I'm okay with that. I've long since learned that if I waited for my work to be perfect, I'd get nothing done. The gauge is off, especially towards the bottom so the blanket isn't exactly square and the edges are not as straight as I'd like them to be. (How to make perfectly straight edges was in the second part of the YouTube video and I only felt the need to watch the first half.)

But you know, every problem has a solution and if I tuck the sides under like so...........

My shoddy work is hidden and no one is the wiser!

I also made the girl this pillowcase:

Initially the plan was to have the blanket and the pillowcase done at the same time, but the blanket took a bit longer than I expected so she's been using the pillow for months now.

Now, minus the sheets, the girl's bed stuffs are almost all handmade. Well, except for the fuzzy friends.

The Problem of Too Much

2011-11-22T20:43:00.000-05:00

The main thing my son wanted for Christmas was a new Ipod. His old one has been temperamental for a few months now and in his mind it was time for an upgrade. We told him we'd make it happen but the rest of his gifts would be unexciting, things like games the whole family can enjoy or stuff I would have bought anyway like clothes and shoes.

Being the type of person that I am, I had our Christmas shopping done weeks ago. In fact, the main reason we had to get a tree as early as we did was because I needed a place to put the gifts. The arrival of the new Ipod under the tree came about three days after the old one died for good and at the exact same time the boy began to beg to open one of his gifts (can you guess which one?) early.

Jay and I put up the fight for a while but eventually caved on the one condition that the boy act super thrilled when he opened all of his non-Ipod related gifts on Christmas morning. The boy ripped into his package, set everything up, and began to download all of his songs. But then something went wrong. The Ipod seemed fine but not even half of his music library would download. Out of over 100 songs, he was only able to get 11. My first thought was Wow! We've shelled out a lot of money in the last year and a half funding this kid's love of shitty music. (Such as My Balls. Click it, you know you want to. Actually, it is kinda funny.) My second thought was Fuck! The one thing my kid wanted and we can't even get it to function properly. The next day and a half was spent Google-ing the problem and trying out different solutions. Eventually, we found the source of the issue and everything was fine but over that day and a half I was so stressed out. I just wanted everything to be easy and I wanted my son to enjoy his gift.

This was when it occurred to me how much I've come to hate stuff. Not all stuff and not all the time, but I hate it when I get stressed out about stuff. I hate when stuff distracts me from more important things like my kids or my husband. Or myself. I hate it when I just want to relax but I find myself having to deal with stuff.

A few years back Daphne posted about some new electronics gadget she had gotten and how she couldn't get it to work properly. I forget the specifics of the post and I'm quite sure that I'm completely paraphrasing (sorry Daph!) but I remember her mentioning that basically this was a problem stemming from having too much as opposed to the bigger problem of having too little. That stuck with me.

Here's the thing: I know that I have a lot less than a lot of people. I'm no longer a home owner. We're saving for a second car. My savings account isn't as substantial as I would like it to be. Yet, most of the everyday irritation in my life comes from too much or stuff.

As I get older I realize that the things that are making me the happiest are usually not related to stuff. The other night I spent four hours at a non impressive restaurant because I loved being with the people I was with and the conversation was so good that I didn't want the night to end. This Thanksgiving my family will be celebrating at the home of another family, we'll all be sharing the holiday. Together. I have friends to call, friends to write to, friends to send care packages to, and friends to email. I truly, genuinely love all of the people in my life right now.

When I think about it that way, who needs stuff?

The Tree-2011

2011-11-13T10:07:00.000-05:00

Don't tell us it's too early to go cut down a Christmas Tree. Last year we did it right around this time too, but for some reason this year we had a hard time finding a place open and ready for tree selling.

We ended up at a Christmas shop/tree farm not far from where I work.The shop was at the bottom of a very steep hill, a hill we had to climb in order to pick our tree.It didn't take us long to find the one we loved.The girl is completely infected with holiday spirit. She loves everything about this time of year. The boy of course likes it too, but more for the gimme-gimme aspect. (Side note: The boy isn't in any of these pictures because he chose to spend the day with his friends rather than us. I didn't really mind at the time, but now that I look at these pictures, it feels as if something is missing. In general, I usually enjoy watching my kids grow up and I love how every year they become more and more independent, but sometimes, every once in a while, it hits me that I'm not number one in his life anymore.)

Random picture of me, taken by the girl.

She always seems to take nice pictures, without putting much thought at all into it. Maybe the secret to good photography really is just to point and shoot.

Later that night, when the whole family was back together, we were able to decorate the tree. Everyone was in a good mood and it felt like the perfect beginning to the holiday season.
Jay's pal, Jesus, even made an appearance:
Yes, Jesus, indeed it is.

Pumpkin Orange Cheesecake

2011-11-04T09:03:00.000-04:00

This is the Pumpkin-Orange Cheesecake from a recent issue of Sunset Magazine, which I do not subscribe to but fortunately for me, Jay's dentist does.

There are many very fatty, very bad for you things in this cheesecake, but you only live once. Indulge. You can't tell by the picture, but it also has a caramel topping.

This is only the second time I've made cheesecake. (You can read about the first time here.) I always anticipate cheesecake making to be much scarier and harder than it ends up being. I think a lot of folks feel that same way and are hesitant to make their own. I get that. Cheesecake ingredients can be pricey and no one wants to spend that money only to end up with something inedible. So they go out and buy some grocery store garbage cheesecake.

But I'm here to dispel the myths. Cheesecake making is tedious and usually takes a few hours, but it's not hard. You can do this. Don't fear the cheesecake.

The recipe can be found here. And, yes, I have a ding bat plate.

Halloween

2011-11-01T21:00:00.000-04:00

My October 31st couldn't have been better. I swapped shifts with a co-worker and worked six days last week just so that I could have the entire day off to spend with friends and family.

I took the girl to school and then walked to my pal Kim's house and we set about de-cluttering her kitchen. Does it sound crazy that we had a blast doing this? We drank coffee, chatted, and listened to 70's music. Five hours and four trash bags later, Kim had counter space to spare and a liquor cabinet she could actually get to. What more do you need out of life?

After picking the girl up from school, I had to listen to her repeatedly ask, "Is it time to go Trick or Treating yet?" for the next three hours. Eventually I gave in, she put on her costume, and we got an early start.

On our way out the door I caught a glimpse of our own candy bowl:

Yep, that's Jesus. Watching over our candy.He was discovered earlier in the day on the top of Kim's refrigerator. OF COURSE I had to bring him home. And OF COURSE Jay had to make a speech bubble for him. I have a feeling Jesus will be with us for a while.

Anyway, Lucy and I hit a few places in our neighborhood before making our way back to Kim's house to meet up with her family:Even though we live in a rental community, so many of our neighbors treat their homes as if they own them, doing things like maintaining gardens and going all out to decorate for the holidays.

Walking the tree lined street:The weather was beautiful and brisk.

Lucy and Isabella, Kim's daughter.

I love that Lucy and Isabella are friends. Not only does it make it easier when Kim and I want to hang out, but Isabella is really good at getting my girl interested in girly things. A few weeks back Isabella was visiting and I caught the girls whispering and giggling. When I asked them what was up they mentioned something about 'fairies' and ran off. In a house with a 13 year old male with a strong personality, there isn't much room for fairy talk. It was refreshing to hear.

After meeting up, we all walked over to the fancy neighborhood where they were handing out full sized candy bars. Because, hey, full size.

The girl and I got home around 7:30 to find only Jay and Jesus. The boy's friends had called him and at the last minute he threw on a bunch of clear trash bags and went out as a condom. As Kim said, "At least he's being safe."

Happy belated Halloween to all of you and I hope you were able to get your hands on at least one full sized candy bar.

Things I'm Into Right Now

2011-10-30T14:26:00.000-04:00

* I'm still riding the high that comes from having a great birthday. It was exactly what I wanted: a trip to my favorite bakery, a trip to my new favorite record store, a few thoughtful gifts from friends and family, and plenty of birthday wishes throughout the day. It was all very low key and sweet and I couldn't have been happier.

*Bridesmaids

* A new-to-me duvet cover from Goodwill. Originally from Crate and Barrel, it's in excellent condition and I only paid $6.99 for it. Score.

*Board games.Of course we've always been big on them around here, but now that I sell them on a daily basis, there has been a steady stream of new ones coming home with me. In the above picture, the girl and I were playing Magic Labyrinth. A few other favorites: Bananagrams, Consensus, Fastrack, and Settlers of Catan. Settlers is a bit too complex for the children but Jay and I like it and are trying to find more folks to play with. It's a good thing Portland has one of the largest Settlers of Catan Meetup groups in the country. (Does the fact that we are actually considering contacting one of these groups mean that we're officially geeks? I think it may. So yeah, if any of my local people play Catan, you know how to reach us.)

*Our Salt and Pepper shakers:Bought by Jay with the girl (who loves all things robot related) in mind.

*Lately The Sundays album Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic has been on constant replay in my bedroom. I listened to this tape in the nineties when it first came out. ( I didn't trust my math and I actually had to get my calculator out and check that it was indeed 21 years ago. Eeek.) I was a sheltered, lonely teenager holed up in my room, wishing I could be anywhere other than where I was and anyone other than who I was at the time. I listen to it now and although I still feel somewhat melancholy, it's cheery knowing I have more control over my own life and the moody music seems almost upbeat to me.

(As a side note: I have to go on an old person's rant here for a moment. My son has never sat and listened to an entire album by one artist. If he likes a song, he downloads that one song. I have to think that he's missing out on something by doing it this way. He doesn't understand how an entire album can help you get through some really shitty times and how you almost form relationships with the people making the music, and that makes me sad. Of course I try to explain this to him but I'm just an old mom talking gibberish. I only hope that one day my nonsense will all start making sense to him.)

All in all I'm just really in a happy place right now which is a good feeling because I was pretty bummed over the summer when it was hot and sunny day after day. But now, grey skies are back, sweater weather is here, and I just couldn't be happier.

What are you into right now?

Never Have I Ever.......

2011-10-25T07:29:00.000-04:00

I stole this idea from Cyndy who stole it from someone else and I'd love it if you stole it from me. I think it's a good one.

The list of things I haven't done could fill a book and sometimes when I'm in a dark place in my mind I find myself dwelling on all the things I still want to do before I die. Having lived such a sheltered life, I feel as if I never really started living until I was well into my twenties. I have a lot of living to do before I'm well caught up with all you normals.

In honor of today being my 35th birthday, here's a list of 35 things I've never done:

1. Taken the SAT's. Actually, there are a number of typical high school related things I didn't get to do (prom being another) but this is the one that bothers me the most. As I've mentioned here many times, higher education was not encouraged in the environment I grew up in, so I never bothered to take the SAT's. I always wonder how I'd do. I'd like to think that I'm smarter than the average bear, but a great SAT score would be the proof wouldn't it? Of course, at this point in my life fear and complacency has settled in and the thought of taking the SAT's makes me pee myself.

2. Gone to a funeral. I've also never lost anyone I was really close to. This information could be processed two ways. On the one hand I'm incredibly lucky because no one I truly love has died. On the other hand, it makes me wonder if I'm grossly overdue and that thought frightens me.

3. Lived alone. I went from my parents house to living with Jay.

4. Taken any kind of illegal drugs or smoked a cigarette. I'll probably never try any either. I just have no interest in that type of thing. I'm very dull in that regard.

5. Been to New York City. I used to dream about visiting NYC. Now though, I think I'm more of a West Coast gal. It's so damn laid back here. I don't know if I could go back to the hustle and bustle of the East Coast. I'd probably get run over by a taxi cab.

6. Driven a stick shift. This should come as no surprise since I've also only pumped gas once in my life. I like my vehicles and my driving to be as simple as possible.

7. Been to a foreign country that I actually wanted to go to. As a child I went to my father's home country of Honduras. We stayed with wealthy relatives and hung out in resorts. Most of the country lives in poverty. The difference between what I saw and what I experienced has stuck with me. I guess in a way it was good that I went because it probably helped to shape the person who I am today. But I'd like to one day visit a country and not have the residual guilt of being one of the lucky few with indoor plumbing.

8. Been arrested.

9. Been to a birthday party in my honor or a birthday party for another adult.

10. On that note, I've also never been to a costume party.

11. Eaten caviar. Have any of you eaten caviar? Is it worth it? I kinda want to know what it tastes like.

11. Played a team sport. I'm a klutz and I'm not really much of a joiner.

12. Had a manicure, a pedicure, or a massage. In general, I don't want strangers touching me.

13. Felt comfortable in a bikini. The few times I've worn one, I practically sprinted from my towel to the water.

14. Been in a wedding.

15. Listened to an entire Lady Gaga song.

16. Watched an entire episode of Modern Family. I'm sorry, I just don't get the appeal of this show.

17. Gone skiing or snowboarding.

18. Had sex outdoors. (Note:: This is what happens when I ask Jay for help with a blog post.)

19. Ridden on a train.

20. Actually, I don't think I've ever taken any public transportation. Maybe when I was very young but I can't take credit for that. I need to rectify this. There is plenty of awesome public transportation around here, I just don't think about it.

21. Been camping and I have no desire to do so. I want a hot shower and a comfy bed every night. Honestly, the bed doesn't even need to be that comfy, I could sleep on a half deflated air mattress. But it does need to be surrounded by four solid walls and a door that can lock.

22. Done karaoke.

23. Met a celebrity. Well, a celebrity I cared about. Living in Florida, I used to run into athletes fairly often. I saw Chris Leak at the bank once and I sold shoes to John Vanbiesbrouck but I couldn't care less about athletes, in fact I had to have my resident sports archivist remind of their names. I wonder how I'd react when face to face with a celebrity I actually admire. I talk a lot about celebrities here on the blog but that's mainly for my own giggles. In reality I'm completely unimpressed by fame and even less impressed by wealth.

24. Gone hunting.

25. Read The Hobbit. I feel as if I should.

26. Been drunk in public. I rarely drink alcohol in public and if I do, I usually stop after one drink. I don't mind that buzzed feeling, but I'd rather have it in the comfort of my own home.

27. Eaten a Big Mac.

28. Worn a ball gown or a really fancy dress.

29. Worn a size zero.

30. Broken a bone.

31. Slow danced with my husband.

32. Been to Canada. When I lived in Florida, Canada seemed like another planet. But now, a visit there is much more doable.

33. Watched the sun rise.

34. Made creme brulee.

35. Eaten an apple right off the tree.

What have you never done?

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-23T14:28:00.001-04:00

One of the most frustrating aspects of going back to work is how hard it is to carve out bits of family time. Before, Jay was the only deciding factor-if he was off of work, we did something. But now there's my schedule to contend with and the boy has more of a social life and oftentimes chooses to be with his friends rather than his family. We'd been planning a pumpkin patch trip for a few weeks now and even though the girl has been feeling a bit under the weather, we decided to go for it.

I'm not sure why there is a Voodoo Doughnut truck everywhere my family goes, but we can usually be found taking advantage of it:

(Notice the girl's adorable barrette, courtesy of Kashoan.)

Jay kindly eating half of the apple fritter I ordered: Corn maze:Alien invasion. No, it's just the boy wearing his bizarre hoodie: The eating continues. My god, we're pigs.
Waiting for meat:The meat arrives:While Jay was digging into the above sausage I was eating a large, rude looking hot dog but one of the perks about being the one holding the camera is that you can control the evidence of your own gluttony.

Various farm yard friends:Finally, the real reason to head to a pumpkin patch:

After picking our pumpkins we loaded up our big red car and headed home. We weren't in the apartment five minutes before the girl hurled into the toilet. Refusing to dwell on the negative, I'm just counting my blessings that she didn't puke in the car.

Random Thoughts

2011-10-21T19:00:00.001-04:00

Jay recently compared my blog to an old woman's uterus, dried out and barren. His vulgarity aside, he's right, I've been quiet lately. It's like a blog recession. I do have a lot on my mind though and here are a few things I've been wanting to discuss:

*Fall is pleasing me so much. It really is beautiful outside. On my drive to work I pass trees that are so many different shades of yellows, reds, purples, and browns. I really need to get my butt in gear and take some pictures before everything is dried out and dead.

*The last few weeks have been difficult in that Jay and I have both been working a lot. I've been working five or six days most weeks and Jay's had three days off since October first. It feels as if we are both in some awful relay race without a finish line. But there is a finish line. Jay is off all of next week and my schedule looks fairly easy. Although next week is also filled with parent teacher conferences and dentist appointments so I may have spoken to soon.

*We've begun watching The Walking Dead, mainly because the boy loves zombies and what better way to bond than by watching a hoard of undead suck the innards out of people? There is no better way, of course. Do any of you watch this?

*The holiday season is pretty much officially upon us and I couldn't be happier. Although Halloween isn't my favorite, I'm excited to take the girl trick or treating and my Halloween candy bowl is already overflowing with Snickers and Skittles and other nummers. And can I just say how tickled I was when the girl brought me a coupon for Lee farms for $5 off a Christmas tree? That's right bitches, I'll be buying my tree soon. You may remember last year we got our tree early in November and I'm thinking this year will be very similar. Honestly, I'd go pick one right now if I could.

*Jay and I usually work our schedules so that during the week one of us is almost always home with the kids but this past Thursday there was a glitch and we both worked the afternoon/evening shifts. Lucy went home with a trusted friend and when Monty got home, he picked her up and they were home on their own until about 9:15. I think this was the first time that my children went home to an empty house and were alone for more than a couple of hours. The guilt I felt about having latchkey children was immense. Of course everything was fine, but it was a long night for me and by the end of the day I was glad to get home and tuck my babies into bed. ( I do want to add that Monty was totally awesome on this day. I give him a lot of grief about being a lazy slacker but he took great care of Lucy, seeing that she did all her homework and her reading. It felt good to be proud of him.)

What's new with you lately?

Things I'm Into Right Now

2011-10-13T15:56:00.000-04:00

Just a small snippet of some of the things tickling my fancy lately:

*The girl's new rain boots:Hello Kitty you've done it again, you sly little feline.

*Trader Joe's lobster ravioli. This stuff is so good I could whip up a bowl and pop them in my mouth, much in the way other people eat popcorn or potato chips. (How did I ever survive so long without a Trader Joe's?)

*Mondays. I know it sounds nutty but the day of the week that most people loathe, just so happens to be a fun time for me. I don't work until the evenings so my friend Kim and I get together every Monday morning and have coffee, chit chat, read magazines, talk craftiness, go to the fabric store, etc. It's a few hours of girly time that I so look forward to. On the Monday of Halloween, we've set a date to de-clutter her kitchen. I don't know how excited she is about the prospect, but I can't wait.

*Speaking of fabric stores, I bought a yard of this fabric:

I'm not sure what it will be used for, but it's cute, no?

*Grey nail polish. A few weeks ago I read somewhere that grey nail polish was going to be the big thing. As far as trends go, I'm usually the last to hear about them and then by the time I get around to implementing them in my life, they are no longer popular. And I like it that way. But I love grey so I figured I'd go for it. I bought a few different shades but my favorite is Revlon's Hazy. I know that no one comes here for beauty tips, so if you want to read more about it, this gal sums it up nicely. (Although prepare yourself because she uses a lot of exclamation points!!!)

*I know you all have been anxiously awaiting the big reveal concerning my next celebrity crush. Ever since Alec and I broke up, I've been going it alone, not fake dating anyone. A girl needs some time to think after ending a long term relationship. I don't take these things lightly, just choosing any celebrity willy nilly. I put some thought into it! But a decision has been made: Vincent D'Onofrio is officially my new fake boyfriend. Adjust your lives accordingly.

Scratch That Off The To-Do List

2011-10-12T23:21:00.004-04:00

I got my license today. I can now drive around Oregon legally. As opposed to the slightly illegal way I've been doing it for the last year and a half.

I'm pretty impressed with myself. I passed the test with a 93%. The two people around me failed so, you know, at least I'm not them.

My photo looks like a mug shot, but I guess that's to be expected. The photographer had to take the picture three times to get one that was acceptable. Are you understanding that? If not, let me clarify: Before the final shot was decided upon, there were two photos of me that the DMV decided were too bad to be on a license. The photographer kept telling me to smile and stare at the teddy bear. There was a small teddy bear taped to the camera. It was scotch tape and it was pulled tightly around his poor teddy bear neck. Even Teddy didn't want to be at the DMV. In the end, I didn't smile.

I did register to vote while I was there though. I suppose Oregon doesn't need another Democrat, but whatever. They got one.

Anyway, I'm glad it's over. Now I can get on with my life.

Book Review: Empire Falls

2011-10-09T08:46:00.000-04:00

Empire Falls tells the story of Miles Roby, the mild mannered, sad sack of a man who manages the Empire Grill in Empire Falls, Maine. Miles has spent his life staying out of trouble and doing what he's told without argument, even forgoing his college education to run the grill at the request of its owner (and the richest woman in town), Francine Whiting. Miles feels so indebted to Mrs. Whiting because she saw to it that Miles' mother, Grace, was well cared for when she was dying of cancer. Miles wants nothing more than to leave Empire Falls and go somewhere to create a better life for his daughter but he's gotten complacent and it's easier just to stay put. For now.

Although Miles' plight is what leads the book, there is a whole cast of interesting characters living in Empire Falls and dealing with their own dramas. Here's a snippet of some of them:

*Tick Roby-Miles' sweet, teenage daughter. I loved her. If I had known a Tick Roby in high school, I would have been friends with her.

*Janine-Miles' soon to be ex-wife. She used to be fat but now she's thin and engaged to The Silver Fox.

*The Silver Fox-Older gentleman, gym owner. Engaged to Miles' ex. Always trying to get Miles to arm wrestle. Is keeping a secret from Janine. (Yes, he does actually refer to himself as The Silver Fox. Ick.)

*Cindy Whiting-Francine Whiting's handicapped daughter. Was born on the same day as Miles and has had a life long crush on him.

*Max Roby-Miles' dad. Crotchety old guy. Always asking Miles for money. Almost always has food in his beard.

*David Roby-Miles younger brother.

*Zach Minty-Tick's ex boyfriend. Asshole jock.

*John Voss-Teenage outcast with a volatile personality. Acquaintance of Tick's.

Plus there are a dozen or so more characters I've failed to mention because I would like to finish this book review sometime before Christmas. Normally when I read a book with this many characters, I start to get them all confused. Who said and did what begins to run together in my mind and the struggle to keep it all figured out causes me to lose interest. That wasn't the case with Empire Falls. Each character was developed perfectly to the point where I felt as if I knew them all personally.

It took me a month and a half to read this book. Not because it's a bad book, but because it's what I consider a 'real' book written by a 'real' writer. It's a book smart folk read. It's won awards. It's wordy, heavy on the narrative, and without a lot of dialogue. It's filled with flashbacks and details. It's epic, like a Meatloaf song. So yeah, at first glance it really isn't a book I would have picked for myself. I like my reads to be a bit more.....succinct. But Jay had read it and loved it and since I'm always nagging him to read books that I love, I figured I should occasionally do the same for him. In the end, I liked this book more than I thought I would.

(Note: Empire Falls was made into an HBO mini-series which Jay and I have begun to watch. When compared with some of the character images I had in my mind, the casting is a bit off, but the acting is superb and I highly recommend it if you want to know more but don't feel like reading a 500 page book.)

On My Mind Lately....

2011-09-25T15:57:00.000-04:00

So I guess this is essentially just going to be another Random Thoughts post but I didn't want to have two of those in a row so I gave it a different name.

*Is it Fall yet where you are? Today was the first day that it really felt like autumn. It's cool and grey and rainy. I want to drink pumpkin beer and eat soups that have been simmering all day. I even stopped at a local farm to buy some apple cider but apparently the apples have been slow to ripen this year and cider production is low. (I am drinking pumpkin beer though so the day isn't a total waste.)

*I have yet to get an Oregon driver's license. My Florida one expires on October 25th, my 35th birthday. So I HAVE GOT to get into the DMV before then or I have to take the whole test again. As it stands right now, I only have to take the written portion, and even that I've managed to successfully avoid doing for the last year and a half. I need to just go and get it over with because the whole thing is just hanging over my head and keeping me from fully enjoying my favorite time of year.

*Do you all remember my fake cat Detective Terri Stivers? Jay and I were at Goodwill a few weeks ago and he found some friends for her:I don't know why he encourages me.

As I was walking around Goodwill with my basket of cats, a couple of older ladies came over and were oohing and aahing and then asked if they could hold them. I told them they could but if they tried to run off with my kitties, I would chase them down. (I meant it too!) Nervous laughs were had by all.

*I'm trying not to feel anxiety about the holiday season but I feel it creeping up. The family has a couple of big ticket items on the collective list so I've been stashing money away left and right. We really need a new desktop computer. Ours is about 10 years old and we've affectionately named it Old Wheezy because of the wheezing noise it makes when we turn it on. Also, we've given her the persona of a long suffering, old southern woman who refers to herself in the third person. (Example: Old Wheezy don't wanna turn on today. Old Wheezy's tired. Go use the laptop and let Old Wheezy rest. ) The whole family longs for the day when we can let Old Wheezy go to her final resting place.

*I'm finding myself strangely excited for the season premiere of Family Guy tonight. I guess I'm just in the mood to laugh at something stupid and not think about it too hard.

Random Thoughts

2011-09-17T09:24:00.000-04:00

Does anyone still read here anymore? I mean, the stats show that there are folks out there, but you're all mostly quiet. I've been blogging for almost five(!!!) years now and the landscape of my own personal blogging community has changed so much within that time. Bloggers have come and gone, some of them have remained in touch through Facebook, email, or in real life through letters and phone calls. Others have just disappeared. It's odd because sometimes some random thing will happen over the course of my day and it will remind me of one of my blogging friends, and it makes me realize how much this little space on the interwebs means to me and how much I'll fight tooth and nail to keep posting here, even if sporadically. I just don't have as much time anymore, and when I do have time I find myself with nothing interesting to say. But I suppose that's nothing new. This blog has never really been known for excitement, just my thoughts, which are only moderately intriguing at best.

Anyway.....random thoughts:

*As is the usual for me around this time of year, I'm totally ready for fall. Cooler weather, sweaters, pumpkin everything, bring it on. I'm even finding myself anxious for new Fall TV. I haven't been really excited about TV in a while. True Blood was a total bust this year, 30 Rock was kinda off and it was moved to 10 which doesn't always work for me, so yeah I'm hoping to find a new show I love.

*Right now I'm reading Empire Falls. It took a while for me to get into it but now I'm sucked in. Have any of you read it? After that I have stacks of books to get through. By the way, I wanted to thank all of you who read Kevin and then commented or dropped me a line telling me your thoughts. I was shocked that so many people read a book at my suggestion. It made me feel like Oprah. Well, a whiter, significantly poorer Oprah.

*There has been teen drama around my house lately. My son had a girlfriend all summer long and she recently dumped him because she wanted to hang out with a guy who was into some (ahem) unsavory behaviour. My son objected and that was the end of that. I was sad for him because they were together all summer and in teen time that's a long term relationship, but I'm totally proud that he stuck to his guns and didn't allow himself to get taken advantage of. Now he's back to hanging out with all his nerdy guy friends, which also pleases me because for the last three months he's had a "ho before bros" attitude that worried me. The bro's are back. They're dorky and annoying but it's good to have them back.

*School seems to be going well for both of the kids. The girl is adjusting well to being in full day classes and the boy seems happy with his teachers. I didn't talk about it much here but last year was a rough time for the boy. He didn't like a lot of his teachers and his math instructor was especially difficult. My son complained that she wasn't a good teacher and the teacher complained that my son just "didn't understand" what was being taught. (Note: I spoke to a few other parents regarding this teacher and it didn't appear to be just my son having problems. So, as lazy as I know my son can be, I couldn't make him shoulder 100% of the blame.) The frustration from that class spilled over into his other classes and he began to have a why bother? attitude. But, that teacher retired at the end of last year and so far this year things have been smooth sailing. I've offered my son a large (by my standards) monetary reward if he brings home straight A's on his first report card. It's not something I would normally do but I want to keep him motivated long enough to get back on track. For what it's worth, I doubt I'll be paying out. I may be wrong though. We'll see.

*Now that the weather is a bit cooler I'm feeling inspired again in regards to sewing and crocheting. I've discovered that when the temperature climbs above 75 degrees, I'm completely uninspired. I had started crocheting a blanket for the girl last winter, but the project's been shelved for the last few months. Who wants to sit around crocheting and sweating? It will be nice to finish some of these projects.

*Finally, earlier in the week Peggy sent me a text reminding me that the rerun of Alec on Letterman would be airing on Wednesday. I set the dvr but haven't watched it yet. Break-ups are hard.

Sunday September 11

2011-09-11T17:24:00.001-04:00

I've never been one to heavily dwell on negative things from my past. I deal with hardships as they arise and then I move on. I certainly don't forget about them. I conjure up those memories and emotions from time to time but I do it in a personal way. I never judge anyone by the way they grieve. Some people need the more outward display of grief and while that isn't my way, I totally get that it works for a lot of people.

Which brings me to September 11th. Everyone has a story about where they were that day and what they were doing and today is the day to share those stories. The sharing of those stories is one of the ways we are brought together as a nation. As for me personally, I won't be sharing my story. For one thing, it isn't that interesting, but the more important reason is that September 11th didn't directly effect me the way that it did so many people, so for me to talk specifics about that day.........well, there is just something about it that makes me feel icky, as if I'm piggy backing on someone's pain, someone with a real reason to grieve.

The events of September 11th frightened me and left me feeling vulnerable in ways I never had before. There were all these horrible, violent things taking place and the people in charge seemed powerless to stop it. It was an incredibly confusing, scary time. But, for as awful as I felt, I was lucky. I had my people with me. I didn't lose a parent, a child, a spouse, or a best friend, and I knew that I wasn't in immediate danger of losing them. All of my people were safe. Everything I know about September 11th, I learned from TV and newspapers. For that reason, I feel as if September 11th isn't my story to tell.

Moving on..........

Here in the Portland area, this September 11th was a hot one. I suppose our time had to come sooner or later. While just about everyone else in the country was dealing with a heat wave and record high temperatures, we here in the Pacific NW were quietly enjoying our 70 degree weather. Until this past week when the days grew hotter and brighter, with temps in the high nineties. I keep telling myself that fall will be here soon enough. But in order to make the here and now more bearable, we took the girl to one of the many city fountains. (Portland loves its fountains.)As the girl splashed around, Jay and I found a shady spot to sit in. We were chatting with a dog walker when a woman came by and handed us a card announcing a 9/11 candlelight vigil to be held at that park this evening.
For a brief moment I considered returning to the park this evening with the kids but ultimately decided against it. It's a school night and the event doesn't even begin until 8. Plus, the boy is like me and handles things in a more inward fashion and the girl is far too young to get the seriousness of the evening.

In this instance, a candlelight vigil just isn't our way. And I'm okay with that.

About the Teenage Boy

2011-09-06T19:49:00.001-04:00

You may have noticed that my son doesn't pop up too often on the blog anymore. This is mainly because now that he is a wise adult man of 13, he doesn't want to participate in something so silly as "Mom's Blog." It all works out though, because his negative feelings towards my blog coincide nicely with my negative feelings towards him. See? There is a reason for everything.

Okay, I may be exaggerating a little bit. My son is basically a good kid and when it comes to the big things, he mostly aims to please and tries his best to stay out of trouble. Out of both of my children, he's the one most like me, we have a fairly easy relationship and he's always open with me, which I love. But sometimes lately I have a hard time thinking of anything nice to say about him. Being a teenager apparently means that if given the opportunity to piss me off, he's gonna piss me off. I spend a large portion of my time getting on to him for the same things over and over again. I hate repeating myself but yet it seems that me repeating myself is an integral part of our relationship. And I don't like that.

It's mostly just the usual kid stuff: Don't fight with your sister. Do your chores without me having to ask 10 times. Turn off the video games. Read more books. And so on and so forth and blah blah blah. As irritating as all that is, I can deal with it. What really bugs me though is that my son is incredibly lazy and mostly unmotivated. Not only does this piss me off, but it worries me as well. I don't want to raise a bum but it seems as if I am. Honest to god, it amazes me how little this child can do on a daily basis. Is this typical teenage boy behaviour? Will something just 'click' in his brain one day and he'll realize that all my nagging was done for the sole purpose of turning him into a respectable, responsible individual?

For his part, he doesn't think he's lazy and it's not as if he plans to live with us forever. He has this grand delusion that he'll find 'a job' where he has to work very little but yet gets paid very much. Jay and I have tried to explain to him that those jobs are quite rare and everyone in the world wants one. He's eyeing an intensely competitive job market.

I suppose a lot of what I'm feeling is frustration. And maybe a little disappointment. I'm frustrated because when it comes to teenage boys, I don't know what is normal and what is not. And if this isn't normal, I don't know how to fix it. I'm disappointed that I don't feel proud of my son on a daily basis. I don't know if I'm disappointed in him or myself. Maybe a little of both.

A Break Up Letter

2011-09-04T10:53:00.000-04:00

Dear Alec,

After much thought, I feel as if I must write the following, but please know that it is with a heavy heart.

It's come to my attention that you are dating someone else. You and I were never seeing each other exclusively (or at all), I've watched many of your girlfriends come and go, and I've mostly approved of your choices in lady friends. But with this latest one, a 27 year old yoga instructor, I feel I can't just sit idly by. In the back of my mind I always considered myself a bit young for you, so the fact that you are now with someone almost 10 years my junior, well......it skeeves me out a bit.

You and I have been together (in my head) for over a decade and while we've had many good times, I'd be lying if I said it's always been easy being your (pretend) girlfriend. You're an opinionated guy and although this is one of the qualities I love about you, there have been times I've found myself having to clarify or justify things you've said so as to make you sound less crazy. ("Alec didn't really mean he'd leave the country if Bush won the election. He's just passionate about his political beliefs." "Alec didn't mean to rant at his daughter that way. It's been a tough custody battle. He loves his daughter." ) Not to mention the fact that I've seen all your movies, even the questionable ones. I saw The Cat in the Hat, Alec. IN.THE.THEATRE. I've done all this because I cared and I believed in us.

But back to the 27 year old yoga instructor. We all know why you're with her. It's because she's young and flexible and you're middle aged, not so flexible, and feel you have something to prove. This is all very typical, predictable male behaviour and it makes you look silly. Do you want to be the next Larry King? DO YOU???? Ick.

Of course, I'm not totally blameless when it comes to the break in our (fake) relationship. I'll admit I've had a wandering eye lately. (Enter Vincent D'Onofrio. Or that African American fellow on The Weather Channel.) So maybe I haven't been as attentive to your needs as I once was.

As this chapter of our lives comes to a close, I want to focus on the positive things. You look great in a suit, you'll always make me laugh, and I can't thank you enough for introducing me to Tina Fey. She and I are besties now. (In my head.)

I wish you nothing but continued success and happiness. (But if yoga instructor gets pregnant, I swear to god I will THROW UP.) And best of luck on any political career you have planned.

Oh, and one more thing. Your brother, Daniel, and I shop at the same grocery store so if he comes to you with some story about a slightly crazy, short haired lady attempting to flirt with him in the wine section of Trader Joe's, please remember that he is an unstable liar and know that his story is utter bullshit. And that I was thinking of you the whole time.

Love always,

Tammie

Bubbles

2011-08-28T17:44:00.000-04:00

This morning I made myself a fairly lengthy list of things I wanted to accomplish on my day off. I was making decent headway through the list until I got to vacuum under sofa cushions. Apparently my son's candy wrapper collection was too much for the vacuum because it wasn't long before it began to blow instead of suck. I did all the usual vacuum troubleshooting, including watching a YouTube video on vacuum repair. (There's a first time for everything.) After about an hour I had taken the entire appliance apart and put it back together again, I was covered in vacuum dust, and was still no closer to having a working vacuum.

I collapsed on the couch in frustration and began to absentmindedly play with one of the bottles of bubbles we had pilfered from a friend's summer party earlier in the week. (Thanks again Kim!) As soon as the girl saw me she asked if she could blow bubbles too. Together we sat on the couch, in relative quiet, and blew bubbles.

It was, by far, the nicest moment of my day.

As for the vacuum, sorry Jay, I'm passing this one on to you.

A Swap

2011-08-23T18:24:00.001-04:00

A few months back Kashoan called me with a proposal. She'd been admiring the patchwork pillow covers I had been making (like these and the one mentioned here) and wanted to get in on some patchwork action. But lately sewing isn't Kashoan's thing, jewelry making is. (You can get a glimpse of her handiwork in her Etsy shop.) So, she offered me one of her vintage dictionary pendants in exchange for a patchwork table runner. Of course I agreed, but after I hung up with Kashoan, I realized I'd never made a table runner before. Um, yeah, minor detail.

But I figured it can't be that hard. I mean, Jodi seems to pound one out every weekend. Well, I have a new found admiration for those of you regularly making runners, because this took me much longer than a weekend.

First, a few pictures and then some details:I asked Kashoan what color scheme she wanted. I'm not sure but her exact words may have been, "I don't know. Whatever." I chose for her. Green, red, and yellow/gold. Essentially this was very easy to make, just a lot of straight line sewing, which, not to toot my own horn, I've gotten pretty skilled at. (Toot Toot.) Plus, I didn't use precise measurements on each individual strip, so they're all wonky. I did this for two reasons: One being that I like wonky, two being that I'm far too lazy to do it any other way.

It was time consuming though. Although it looks as if there is no rhyme or reason to the pattern, I did work very hard to make sure that there was never too much red in one section or that the florals were never overpowering.I didn't buy any new fabric for this project, all of it came from my stash or from shirts I can no longer wear because I dribbled coffee down the front of them one too many times.

I wanted the flip side to be a bit more modern so I backed it in this Ikea bird fabric:(I suppose it would have been nice if I'd ironed it before taking the picture, but whatever.)

Kashoan received her table runner today and claims to love it, so I'm pleased. Even though it was a new-to-me project, I had a lot of fun making it. It was one of those semi mindless, kind of stress reducing projects that I can do while watching Law and Order. (Note:: If I can do it while watching L & O, it's probably gonna get done.) Now I want to make more table runners, but I can't make them for myself because my cat will just lay on them. There are no rules against such things in my house. So if I come to you and slyly ask what the measurements of your dinner table are, then you know what's up.

Now onto my pendant.

I was so excited by the prospect of new jewelry. Jewelry isn't in my budget right now. (Things that are in my budget: debt reduction and saving for a second car. POO!) I had trouble deciding which word to choose. I didn't want anything too sticky sweet or overtly upbeat, that just isn't me. So after much discussion with Jay and Kashoan, I finally decided on resilient. (Able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.)I think it fits me perfectly.

Book Review: We Need To Talk About Kevin

2011-08-21T13:48:00.001-04:00

Eva Khatchadourian never really wanted to be a mother. She was happy to spend her days visiting foreign countries for her travel brochure business and perfectly content to come home to just her husband. Then Kevin arrived, and she tried. She tried to fake her way through the role of doting mother, but even as an infant Kevin seemed to be able to sense Eva's ambivalence towards motherhood. He screamed uncontrollably, he wouldn't breastfeed, he was perpetually dissatisfied and unhappy. As he grew, the screaming gave way to chilly silence and icy stares and Kevin was never interested in playing the way the average child did. His way of playing was mean, malicious, and eventually, violent.

When Eva tries to discuss Kevin's behaviour with her husband Franklin, he continuously makes excuses for Kevin. In Franklin's eyes nothing is ever truly Kevin's fault and Eva is just overreacting. Even when Kevin is involved in an accident that causes his little sister Celia to lose an eye, Franklin takes Kevin's side, claiming that the boy is just as traumatized by the event as his sister is. All of these minor incidents (well, 'minor' only in comparison to the eventuality) lead up to Kevin committing a horrifically (and creepily unusual) violent act onto his classmates.

This story is told from Eva's viewpoint in the form of letters to Franklin, who is now absent from her life (although it isn't revealed how or why he's absent until the end of the book.) Usually I find this letter format tiresome but in this case it was the perfect way to tell this story. It allows Eva to relate her family's history in a way that assumes the reader is already aware of it (since the reader is, so to speak, her husband), so the narrative is not just facts laid out, but also Eva's deeply personal feelings about the events.

After doing a bit of internet research, it seems that everyone who reads this book falls into one of two camps: those who feel as if Kevin was a bad seed from the beginning, and those who think that Kevin's violent personality was created, at least in part, by Eva's apathetic mothering. Personally, I have to take Eva's side. While at times her character was definitely unlovable, I think she tried her best and I found her completely real and relatable. But then again, I tend to be drawn to things that honestly and unflinchingly portray the darker side of motherhood.

We Need to Talk About Kevin was first recommended to me by Dani about two years ago, and I'm really pissed that it took me this long to getting around to reading it because as far as fiction goes, this book was what I've been aching for all year long, a smartly written book with believable characters. It's definitely one of my favorite books of the year, if not my life.

I couldn't put this book down. I dragged it everywhere I went for the better part of a week. I read it in bed, at work, and in the bathtub. (At one point, I stayed in the bathtub so long that Jay tapped on the door and asked if I was okay.) If I didn't get carsick, I would have even read this book while stuck in traffic. Jay, at my insistence, is reading it now and every time he puts it down I want to scream, Why are you not reading Kevin? We need to talk about Kevin! I've lost myself so deeply into this book that I need to talk it out with someone. So should you read this book? YES. And then come back and leave a long winded comment sharing your thoughts.

(Also, it's been made into a movie starring Tilda Swinton-whom I love-as Eva. The trailer can be seen here at HuffPo. It's subtitled in french, but you get the idea. This movie may be my motivation for making my once a year trip to the movie theatre.)

Random Thoughts

2011-08-12T11:15:00.001-04:00

Well shit. How do all you people work full time and manage to update your blogs more than once a week? (And when you do it, how do you manage to do it without resorting to cursing in the first sentence?) When I get home I barely want to open up my laptop. But yet I still find that I have the urge to write and have no intention of abandoning my little space here on the internets. Maybe I should carry a notebook to write in and transfer the posts later. I don't know, just thinking out loud here.

Anyway, the randomness:

*Tomorrow is our once a year, big-mega anniversary sale at work. We only have one sale a year and I'm told by co-workers who have done them in the past that it is complete insanity. People come in and grab stuff off the shelves and line up to pay. The line weaves throughout the store, sometimes going all the way to the bathrooms at the opposite end of the building. I'm excited to work the sale, but I also kind of just want to get the day over with.

*School starts in about three weeks. I had begun buying things earlier in the summer and thought I was ahead of the game but I just did an inventory last night and realized the kids still need quite a bit more. Especially the boy. The girl is easy and has no opinions about such stuff but the boy has strong opinions about everything from clothes (of course) right down to what binder to carry. The clothes thing though, has really thrown me for a loop. Gone are the days when I could take him into the Gap, grab a few items and be done with it. Now he wants to drag me into stores with names I'm unfamiliar with, like Zumiez. I feel so uncool when I cross that threshold. The store manager is always about 20 years old and incredibly hip, with a lot of piercings and tattoos. I feel like such a stodgy old woman. The price points are a lot different too. For what I could have gotten a whole outfit at the Gap, I can usually only get half an outfit at Zumiez. Like jeans and a pair of socks. The whole shopping experience has been quite a reality check in more ways than one.

*BOOKS! I've finished two books in the past month, both of which I had planned to review here but never had the time and before I knew it they had to be returned to the library. But I did want to mention a bit about them.

The Violets of March by Sarah Jio. This one started out really good and I read the first 100 pages in just a day or two. But then it went down hill. There were too many characters and it all became kind of confusing and convoluted. By the time I got to the end, I had long since stopped caring about it all. It was disappointing because I had requested this one from the library and had waited quite a while, only to not love it as much as I had hoped. Definitely not the worst book I had ever read, but a let down.

Bossypants by Tina Fey.I love Tina and I loved this book. It's nothing fantastically groundbreaking, but just a fun, easy to read book. If you're a fan, you should read it.

*Today the family and I are headed to OMSI to see the video game exhibit. The girl is so excited she may pee herself. The boy wants to go but would probably be happier going with someone cooler than his nerdy family. He's at the age where we are all horrifically embarrassing. Sorry, dude, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit.

Mario

2011-08-07T16:00:00.001-04:00

Last I checked, it wasn't even the middle of August yet, so I was surprised to find that those overachievers at my local Goodwill have two full isles of Halloween stuff out already. Halloween isn't my favorite holiday so I would normally bypass all of the skulls and witches caps until at least the beginning of October, but I had had a mimosa at breakfast, I was in a good mood, so what the heck? I'm so glad I did because nestled amongst the various snagged up Disney Princess gowns was a Mario costume just the right size for the Mario lover in our house. She really wanted one last Halloween but I just couldn't justify the cost. (I have a hard time parting with my money when it comes to items that will only be used once or twice.)And the $6.99 I paid is much more reasonable than the $34-$50 I've seen around the internet.

Now that I can scratch Halloween off the to-do list, back to more pressing matters, like school shopping.

The Art of Conversation

2011-07-27T19:32:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had to attend a work related function, a sort of trade show type thing. Dozens of tables were set up with various toys and games and it was my job (and the job of a hundred or so other toy folks from around the NW) to walk around playing the games and chatting with the representatives so that we could go back to our respective bosses and share our opinions about what games our stores should carry. (That makes me sound important doesn't it? Believe me, I am but a minor cog.)

As I was walking around chatting with representative after representative, I felt so very awkward. I don't know if I looked awkward or seemed awkward, but it occurred to me that even now, at almost 35 years old, conversation and small talk doesn't come to me easily and when I'm with a large group of people I still feel like a social freak. I feel like I have to work really hard to be as normal as the rest of the room.

All my life I've always classified myself as 'shy' mainly because that was the label everyone else gave to me. But as I've gotten older, I really don't think that label applies and I'm starting to wonder if it ever did. I consider shy people to be people who are afraid to talk to others. That's not me. I'm not scared of people and I'm not afraid that I'll look silly or say something stupid. Simply put, I just don't always have something to say. Even if the conversation is about something I know a lot about, it's sometimes hard for me to put the right words together to express how knowledgeable I actually am. By the time I sort it all out in my head, the conversation has moved on. The words are there, but somewhere between my brain and my mouth, they get stuck. I wonder why this is?

Jay, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. He always has the words and will say them to anyone and everyone. Because of this he sometimes (completely innocently) talks for me or over me. Or before I get a chance to. I certainly don't blame Jay for this. It's his personality and he can't change it anymore than I can transform myself into a Chatty Cathy. But it's frustrating. When we're out together, there are times I feel like his sidekick. Or a minor character in The Jay Show. And I don't want that. I think everyone wants to be the star of their own show. It's just that my show, unfortunately, happens to star a mute who mostly wants to live in her own head, and no one wants to watch that.

Does anyone else feel this way sometimes? Often?

A Job Related Random Thought

2011-07-24T22:10:00.001-04:00

I continue to be thankful that not only do I have a job, but that I like the job that I have. My coworkers are all good, hard working people and none of them really irritate me. I never look at the schedule and think, Ugh. I'm working with so-and-so. Great. I'll need to make this bearable, better not forget the whiskey filled flask today.

The customers aren't bad either. I've found that very few people come to a small, independent toy store in a pissy mood and it's hard to get into a pissy mood if you're in such a fun environment. If someone does get into a bad mood it's usually because their kid keeps asking for a $200 doll house or their husband won't stop playing with the instruments in the music section, neither of which are my problem. So my job is virtually stress free.

That being said, I will state this complaint: People who want to stay and shop past closing time. Most of the time it's innocent folks just being dumb about time. Fine. But when someone says to me "What time do you close?" And I say, "Five minutes ago." The correct response is not, "Okay, well I'll only be a few more minutes." Experiences with people who say that has led me to a realization about myself: My skills as a salesperson have a Jekyll and Hyde-like quality. I am great up until closing. But after closing, much like a werewolf on the night of a full moon, I become a monster. As I've mentioned before, I'm also a horrible actress and it's really hard for me to disguise my true feelings. So even though I'm trying to smile at this poor unfortunate jerk who finds themselves asking me about Legos at 8:01, I know that in actuality I probably look like an uncontrollable, newly turned vampire ready to suck the life blood out of them. What's worse, I don't care. I want them to be scared. I want them to run.

Because of this I try to just stay away from people right before closing. There is always trash to take out or a toilet to clean.

If I Had To Do It All Over Again

2011-07-20T09:59:00.000-04:00

As I was lying in bed this morning trying to gather enough energy to make it to the coffee pot that sits a mere 20 steps away, I somehow got to thinking about all of the life decisions-some big, some small-we make on a daily basis that ultimately play a part in moving our lives forward and getting us to where we 'end up', so to speak. There are times, just out of curiosity, that I'd love to be able to take a glimpse into an alternate universe and see how things might have been.

When I was a young girl, about 14, I had the biggest crush on a friend's older brother. At that time I was very close to the whole family. I spent a lot of time at their house hanging out with my friend and not so secretly fantasizing about the future that her brother and I would, OF COURSE, eventually share. A few years later he found out I liked him, I don't really remember how it came out, but I do remember the heartache that followed. Not only did he not like me in that way, but he barely knew I existed. I was devastated. I think I stayed in my room for a full 24 hours, with the curtains closed, getting out of bed only to flip over my Pearl Jam tape.

Time passed. I got over the heartache. My friend and I grew apart. Life went on. For the most part, I've lost touch with all of the people from my former life. But I hear things through the grapevine. The last I heard about my first real crush, was that at almost 40, he was still single and still living at home with his mom. (Let me make this clear. He didn't move out and then move back in because of some financial or other type of hardship. He NEVER left home.) Obviously, he is no one I'd look at twice today, but I still can't help thinking about how my life may have been had he liked me in the way that I liked him. His family is very conservative and they place a lot of importance on traditional male/female roles. Dad worked, mom cooked and cleaned. Had we ended up together I don't think either one of us would have been very happy.

I think what originally got me to thinking about all of this was my son's 13th birthday. By most standards, I was young when I had him, only 21. There are times, when I'm feeling sorry for myself, that I regret starting a family so young. I didn't go to college, I haven't yet seen New York City. Jay and I didn't do a lot of living on our own before we had to start living with baby. How would my life be different if I had waited, two, five, ten years to have a child?

But then I look around. I take a close look at people. The world is filled with folks who seem to have done things the 'ideal' way, and they don't appear to be any happier than I am. Things aren't perfect in my life (and I doubt they ever will be), but I have a husband who wants nothing more than to see me happy and I have two kids who I love more and more with each passing day. It's such a cliche', but life is truly what you make of it.

So, if I did hold the key to an alternate universe and I was able to see all of the what if's and could have been's, would I do it? Probably not. Through Facebook, I've caught up with enough people from my past to be able to say that nothing, not even happiness, is ever a guarantee. And the grass on the other side? Yeah, it's never as green as we think it's going to be.

What about you? What what if's do you think about?

And Then I Washed My Hands With Really Hot Water

2011-07-18T07:24:00.000-04:00

So.....a couple weeks ago I ordered some frying pans. They arrived last Saturday in a large, oddly shaped cardboard box. I usually like to keep boxes for reuse, but because this one was so big and I really don't have that kind of storage space, I decided to take it down to the recycling area of my apartment complex.

My apartment has about eight large trash cans designated for recyclables. The maintenance guys do a great job of keeping it all under control but on weekends the whole area can get a bit crazy. This being a Saturday, the bins were pretty full and since, as mentioned, my box was big, I had to move around the recyclables so as to make room for it. Now keep in mind, this isn't trash, just recycling, so on a normal day the ickiest thing I would have to worry about touching would be an old mayonnaise jar or maybe a soup can with clam chowder stuck to the side. BUT, apparently this was the day the neighborhood freak took out her recycling because as I'm shuffling around catalogs and milk cartons trying to create space for my box, my hand touches a giant, flesh colored vibrator. And it wasn't just a quick touch, I had done some full-on palm to vibe action.

After jerking my hand back I just sort of stood there holding up the lid and staring at the vibrator. It's not like I had never seen one before, I just didn't expect to see it there. In fact, I think I would have been less surprised had I found a body in the trash can. ( Side note: I watch so much Law and Order that I always kind of expect to find a body. ) But seriously, who recycles that stuff? I'm all for being a good steward of the earth but some things should just be destined for the landfill.

Now all that's left is for me to wonder what neighbor it belonged to..........

Random Thoughts

2011-07-16T11:54:00.002-04:00

Oh blog (and blog people!), how I've missed you so much. But I'm a working gal now so we are both going to have to get used to this new reduced writing schedule. Or I'm going to have to stay up until two in the morning writing blog posts, which probably is not going to happen because I love sleep far too much. But, right now, it's Saturday morning, the kids are still sleeping, and it seems like the perfect time for some random thoughts.

*MY JOB. I love it. It's totally low key and low stress. When the store is slow and there isn't much else to do, the owner actually encourages us to play games. She wants us to learn and be fully comfortable with every toy in the store so we can be knowledgeable enough to sell all the products. Who wouldn't want to go to work and play Bananagrams or Qwirkle?

*Even though my job is technically part time, I worked six days in a row this past week, almost 40 hours. I'm certainly not complaining, a lot of the jobs I applied for were very part time (like, 8 hours a week), but it was an odd feeling to get thrown so deeply and so quickly back into the game. But again, NOT COMPLAINING. I consider myself lucky to have a job.

*In non-job news, today is our fourteenth wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary to us! (Jay: This one is for you!)

*Monday is the boy's thirteenth birthday. But my thoughts on being the mother of a teenage boy can fill a blog post all on their own.

*I'm so ashamed to admit that I haven't read a book in over a month. Actually, I should amend that: I haven't finished a book in over a month. I was reading a few different things while job hunting but really couldn't focus on them. But I just started The Violets of March, which seems pretty good and I'm anxious to finish it and get back into the habit of writing book reviews.

*Last week we took the kids to John's Incredible Pizza. John's is like Chuck E. Cheese but way louder, way flashier, way more seizure inducing, and way more frenetic. Plus, it has a wine bar, so way better. A few shots from that day:

Peanut butter pizza (Note: It was weird.):

Am I the only one who truly enjoys watching their kids play bumper cars? It's one of those few times when they can safely take out all that violent sibling energy that's bubbling below the surface. "You want to make your sister bounce around like a lifeless rag doll? Sure! All in the name of fun."

Okay, so since this is my first day off in six days, I'm going to go spend some time with my kids, do a little sewing, a little laundry, and maybe make my bed the real way, and not the half assed way I've been doing all week.

Let's Talk Movies

2011-07-11T06:43:00.001-04:00

(Idea totally stolen from Theresa, and feel free to steal it from me.)

Name a movie you have seen more than ten times: Annie Hall

Name a movie you have seen multiple times in the cinema: The Fugitive. When I was younger I had a huge crush on Tommy Lee Jones ( I know, don't judge.) and one of my friends at the time loved Harrison Ford, so we watched this movie over and over. At times we were the only two in the theatre.

Name an actor that would make you more inclined to see a film: Um, Alec. Duh.

Name an actor that would make you less likely to see a film: Ashton Kutcher. Or, Bruce Willis. Or, for that matter, Demi Moore. That whole trifecta makes me ill.

Name a film that you can and do quote from: Hmmmm......this is a tough one. I pick my quotes more from TV than film. I used to quote Twilight for a while, but usually only to my best friend.

Name a musical that you know all of the songs and lyrics to: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. (Especially this song by the gloriously spoiled Veruca Salt.)

Name a film that you would recommend everyone see: This is a tough one for me because everyones taste in movies is so different and I honestly don't think I feel strongly enough about any movie to suggest it to everyone.

Ever walked out on a film: No, but only because I see so few movies in the theatre. But there have been plenty of movies that Jay and the boy have watched that I've turned a blind eye to. (I'm looking at you Pineapple Express.)

Name a film that made you cry:
My god this is embarrassing. My Sister's Keeper. A few months back this was on HBO, like, every other day and I watched it a lot (mainly because of Alec) and cried every time. Fuck all y'all, don't judge me.

Popcorn?
Eh. I prefer Skittles.

How often do you go to the cinema? So very rarely. Aside from Alec, not much gets me to the theatre. Maybe a family film we can all agree on, like The Wimpy Kid movies. So yeah, once a year. Maybe.

What's your favorite film genre? Dark comedies and independent films.

What's the first film you remember seeing at the cinema? I think it was The Empire Strikes Back.

What film do you wish you had never seen?
The Human Centipede. Technically, I haven't actually seen this movie, but I've seen the trailer and it was more than enough. Those three minutes have scarred me for life. If I could un-see that trailer, I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I ever actually did see the movie, I'd probably have to be on some serious medications to just carry on with a normal life. If you don't have any idea what The Human Centipede is, than consider yourself lucky. I'm not going to link to it because it is some messed up junk and I refuse to send my readers down that road. So yes, Google at your own risk. Don't say I didn't warn you.

If you could be any character portrayed in a movie, who would it be? Annie Hall. She is me, I am she.

Total number of films you own on dvd: The majority of our dvd's are of the Blues Clues/Spongebob variety. Aside from that, maybe 10?

Last film you bought: It's Complicated. Sigh. Alec.

Last film you watched: I have no clue because for the last two months our dvd time has been devoted to TV shows like Homicide or The Wire. Our latest Netflix selection though is a movie called Staten Island which has Vincent D'onofrio in it and I love him, even though he's kind of a chunkster now. But that's okay, big boys need love too.

Five films that mean a lot to you: Eh. Again, movies don't really mean that much to me. I love them, but tend to forget about them as soon as the dvd is slid back into its little red envelope and on its way back to Netflix.

Wall Art

2011-07-09T19:22:00.002-04:00

When we first moved into this apartment almost a year and a half ago(!), I wasn't in a hurry to hang things on the wall. I was still holding onto the dream that we'd make some money on the sale of our house and that we wouldn't be here past a year. Since those plans have changed and we will be in this apartment for a bit longer, all the family photos have been hung, and I've slowly started adding art to the walls.

As my circle of friends has grown to include more crafty and artistic types, I'm finding that typical store bought art just isn't doing it for me anymore. I like to see stuff made by my friends. I have an owl painting of Daphne's that hangs by my bed, and a print of Mandy's over my sewing machine. Here are a few more of the latest additions:

This is The Three Graces and it's a silhouette created by my pal Maria Rose over at Little Things are Big.Years back I mentioned to Maria how much I liked it and a few months ago she finally got her "poop in a group" (her words) enough to send it to me. I was so excited to finally get it, but the frame had been broken so it sat around waiting to be re-framed. Well, today I finally got my own poop in a group, and up on the wall it went. (You can view all of the work by Maria Rose and her talented hubby by going to Planet Wimmer.)

The second piece of art that I wanted to share is a bit of a collaborative effort between me and the boy. You old timers may remember that last year my son made an anniversary card for me and Jay that included this picture, which I used as my header photo for a short while:

Jay and I both loved it and I wanted to find a way to turn it into a keepsake, so I uploaded the image to Spoonflower and a few weeks later I received my fabric swatch with Monty's drawing. It's been sitting around waiting to be framed, which seems to be a recurring theme around here.Anyway, I went to frame it today and realized it needed something, so to make the whole thing just a bit more eye catching, I sewed a border around it. Now even Monty likes it, and initially he hated the idea of having his art showcased. Although he insists on telling everyone that he drew it when he was eight, and not last year when he was twelve. Whatever keeps the peace.

As my search for wall art continues, I'm curious, what's on your walls? Do you buy store bought art or do you make your own?

Blue Lake Park

2011-07-04T09:26:00.000-04:00

There isn't much to say about these photos, they're just some fun snapshots of our recent trip to Blue Lake. Blue Lake may be our new favorite place to spend summer days. It's close (just 20 minutes from the city) and cheap ($5 a carload!). Plus, there is a splash pad for the girl and, for an added fee, paddle boats and canoes for the boy.
The weather was still fairly cool the day we went, maybe in the seventies. But I definitely predict we'll be back around August, when it's 95 degrees out and I'm flopping around the apartment feeling as if I'm about to spontaneously combust.

Color Me Employed

2011-07-02T10:10:00.000-04:00

The search is over. I have a job. As of this week I am employed at a local independent toy store that I love, love, love, and have mentioned here before but will not mention again because I want to keep this part of my life separate from that part of my life. I do want to talk a bit about how I came to get this job because I think it's sort of interesting how everything fell into place.

When I first started job hunting, I kept meaning to apply at this toy store because not only do I love it, but its core values are in line with mine and I definitely feel a connection to the people that work there. But, I kept thinking, It's a smaller business, turnover is probably really low, they're not hiring, blah blah blah. You know, all those little negative thoughts that seep in and keep you from going down the path you really want to travel. So I never applied.

Meanwhile, I apply for at least two dozen jobs and I interview with two different companies. The interviews weren't bad, but in hindsight I probably wasn't as excited about them as I could have been and obviously the interviewers felt the same way because I never heard back from them. I was starting to feel like a total reject when Cyndy pops over and says, "You should check out Craigslist." And I'm like, "But Cyndy, isn't Craigslist filled with rapists and people who want me to show up for work in a thong and nipple clamps?" Cyndy says, "No way! I got my job through Craigslist and I don't have to wear nipple clamps to work." (Okay, it went nothing like that, but you get where I'm going here, right? )

So, the next day Jay is sitting at the computer playing his fortieth Mah Jong game of the day (It's how he unwinds!) and I'm relaying what Cyndy said when he says, "My company places Craigslist ads all the time, I know how to weed through the junk, I'll check it out for you." Because I know for a fact that Jay doesn't wear nipple clamps to work, I said, "Have at it." He went to Craigslist and within minutes was reading about how my favorite toy store ever was hiring. So of course I hightailed it over there, dropped off my resume, and within a few hours they called me back to set up an interview.

Two days later I return for my interview with the owner. I was nervous, but not as nervous as I had been at the other interviews. I think this was because this time I wouldn't be faking it. (I'm not good at bullshitting and pretending to be passionate about things that I couldn't care less about. ) The interview went amazingly and the owner and I just clicked. That afternoon she called and offered me the position.

My first day was yesterday and I know I'm going to love this job. The owner was a children's therapist for twelve years so she feels strongly about creative, open ended play and playing with a purpose. She doesn't want her employees to be just cashiers, but she wants them to be knowledgeable of the products. My first shift was spent walking the store with the assistant manager, learning about almost every single toy, where it's made, what it's made of, what type of child it's best suited for, and so on. Because of this, I feel as if my job is more than simply 'selling toys.'

I'm still so amazed how everything worked out. I'm never one to really believe in fate or that things happen for a reason, but I can't argue with the fact that Cyndy's simple comment about Craiglist was what prompted me to apply for the job that I really wanted. (Thanks again Cyndy!) I also think that the experience gained from the previous interviews (and subsequent rejections) I had, made it possible for me to clearly see what kind of job I really wanted. I'm trying not to over think it all, but it feels good that something worked out in my favor.

Moomin

2011-06-28T08:47:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago I picked up these mugs featuring Moomin characters at a garage sale.For what it's worth, I've never been a huge fan of the Moomin books. I know, such sacrilege! But, I do think the characters are cute and I can appreciate the artistic talent and creativity that went into making the whole series. So, for 25 cents a piece, I snatched them up thinking that, at the very least, they'd be great for hot cocoa.

After a bit of research though, I realized that I'd be a fool to not put them on ebay. So, I snapped the above pictures and in five days I was $292 richer.

The moral of the story is: Always stop at garage sales. Even if the particular garage sale is in a snooty neighborhood. You may just stumble upon someone who doesn't know the value of their own possessions.

Father's Day Hike

2011-06-27T10:10:00.001-04:00

On Father's Day Jay wanted to go hiking. I have to admit that at first I wasn't up to it. The stress of job hunting is slowly breaking me down and I was certain the kids would wear me out even more with their petty bickering. The drive to Bagby Hot Springs was long, but once we got there I was glad we had made the trip. Annoying children seem far less annoying when they have acres of woodsy land to roam around in and a cool stream to splash in.
Tree graffiti:Why do I think a twelve year old boy wrote this one: Like all of Oregon's parks, Bagby Hot Springs is simply gorgeous. So lush, green, and alive. (Plus, at the end of the hike there are FREE {!!!!} hot tubs in hollowed out logs. We didn't get to take advantage of this because the wait was long and the girl only has so much patience, but I vow to return.)
On Father's Day there were so many good sentiments in blog land. (The beauty and simplicity of this one stands out in my mind.) And I don't really know if I have anything creative to add to the discussion about Dads. But I will say that Jay is the best dad I know. He's worked tirelessly and without complaint to make better lives for our children. And on a more personal note, he's really good at picking up my slack. When I've had enough or feel like I'm going to lose it, he knows when to jump in. He is forever and always, my partner.

Happy belated Father's Day to all the dads out there.

First Day of Summer

2011-06-20T18:35:00.001-04:00

From a young age, both of my children have been really good with a hula hoop. Jay and I passed on our round shelf butts, so I think the kids are genetically pre-disposed to being good at keeping the hoop above the waistline.

Lately it is the girl's thing. The other night around 11 PM I went into her room to investigate a noise and found her, half naked and doing the hula. The noise I had been hearing was the swish swish of the hoop.

I suppose it says something about my parenting that my six year old is even up at 11 PM in the first place. During the summer months, I have a really hard time being consistent about bedtime. As long as both kids are at home and safe, I don't care what time they fall out or what part of the house they're in when they do it. So yeah, work that hula hoop all night long, just don't bother mommy when she's watching her crime stories.

Father's Day Dessert

2011-06-20T18:19:00.001-04:00

Jay doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, unlike myself or the kids who will fight to the death for the chance to suck the remaining cake batter off of the mixer paddles. Jay knows I love to bake though so, letting me have my fun, he requested this Lemon Icebox Surprise after seeing it in the most recent Penzey's catalog. (You can view the catalog here, this specific recipe is on page 52. Also, thanks to Peggy for turning me on to this great company!)

We weren't sure whether to classify this as cake or pie, since it really is neither. It has the taste of lemon bars, but with the consistency of cheesecake. But it is baked in a pie dish so I suppose we can go with pie.

As I was looking over the recipe, I got a bit scared when I saw that I'd have to use egg whites. I tend to avoid recipes that call for me to separate eggs. It's just a silly hang up of mine. Anyway, for the sake of my baby daddy's happiness, I braved the eggs, all was well, and a yummy dessert was made.

Let's Talk Job Hunting

2011-06-19T19:55:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to sit down and talk about some of what I've been feeling and dealing with on my quest to find a job.

I've been actively pursuing employment now for about 3 weeks. What this means is that every chance I get, I "look for a job." I usually start by putting on my best clothes and shoes, going out, walking into places, asking if they are hiring, then filling out an application and returning it with my resume. A large number of companies now only have online applications. In that case, I then head back home, go to the company's website, create a profile, and fill out the application. After filling out the application I'm usually directed to take a personality test and an SAT-like intelligence test. This entire process ends up taking at least an hour. There have been days where I've done three or four of these a day. Within a few days, I return to the business again to inquire if anyone has had a chance to look over my application and resume.

A few random thoughts on this process:

*Everyday that I go out, I have to prepare myself for rejection, or at the very least apathy, and this entire process sucks an incredible amount of life out of me. Jay says I have an internal battery for this sort of thing that takes about 24 hours to charge and then gets drained after 15 minutes. I'm not good at talking about my qualities and achievements, which is something you have to do if you want a job. I know that I'm a good employee and a hard worker but it doesn't come naturally for me to list all the many ways in which I'm great and should be hired.

*Most places I've applied to have at least three members of management and repeatedly catching the one who actually makes the final decision in who gets hired, can be tricky. Because of this, I spend a lot of time attempting to make a good impression on people who have no say at all in whether or not I'll get the job. Of course, I never find this out until they say something like, "Well, I'll be sure to pass your resume on to the manager." This drives me nuts because I only have so much charm to go around and hate that I routinely find myself wasting it on someone who doesn't matter.

*Companies don't update their listings on job sites as often as they should. I've applied for a few jobs only to find out that the position has already been filled. Very frustrating, not to mention a waste of my time.

*The online application part of a company's website has got to be the least funded part of their site. Just about every one I've done has been inundated with glitches. Most of them are minor and I can find a way to work around them, although it's a pain and adds time to an already long and tedious process. But there was one in particular that I couldn't get past so I attempted it on a different computer and the same thing happened. At this point, I may have just given up but this was a job that I'm actually qualified to do and I wanted to pursue it as much as possible. So then I physically went into the business and asked if they were hiring, only to be told, "Yes we are, but the application process is solely online." Wonderful. This wasn't the first time that a company advertised that it was hiring, only to tell me to go home and apply when I arrived. I truly, truly do not understand why companies that NEED EMPLOYEES send qualified, motivated people away. I didn't just call on the phone, I didn't just sit at the computer, I got up off my ass, and came to you. Why send me away? I just don't get it.

*I applied for a bookstore job. I'm not going to name them here but it's a national company that recently filed for bankruptcy and has been closing a lot of stores. The location near me is a two story building in a fancy outdoor mall and seems to be doing well so I went in to inquire about a position. When I walked in there were six employees behind the registers. If you've ever worked retail, you know that there is rarely a need to have so many people doing one job, especially at 11 AM on a Wednesday. I thought it was odd, but I continued walking around in the hopes of finding someone who looked managerial. No luck. I go upstairs and the second floor is filled with customers but no employees. (Hello. Loss prevention issue on the second floor!) Finally, I go back to the register area, find a manager, and ask if they are hiring, and she says, "We're always looking for new people but the application process is all online." Of course it is. I guess it should come as no surprise to me that this company isn't doing well.

*There are a lot of really dumb people who have jobs. I know this to be a fact because I've met a lot of them lately.

*There are also a lot of really gross people who have jobs. Again, I know this to be a fact because I've met a lot of them lately. I saw a young gal the other day at her workplace and she was wearing a black mini skirt and she had scabs on both knees. How is knee scabs employed and I'm not?

All jokes aside, I'm really trying to not get too down and negative about the job thing. In the grand scheme of things, 3 weeks isn't that long of a time to be looking, and I know that even if/when someone does show some interest in me, the hiring process can be slow. (Although it seems so much slower on my end, as opposed to the one doing the hiring.) I also know that there are a lot of folks looking for jobs right now, folks in much tighter binds than myself. Sure, I'm not in the place I want to be financially, but my needs are being met and for that I'm thankful. So, I'll just keep plugging along.

A Day in the Life of Detective Terri Stivers

2011-06-17T10:54:00.000-04:00

I mentioned a few weeks back that Jay and I have been spending our evenings watching Homicide: Life on the Street, a crime/detective show from the nineties.There are eight seasons of this show, a large portion of which Jay and I have watched in the last three weeks. Needless to say, lately it's all we think about and all we talk about. So it should come as no surprise that when I bought this odd little stuffed cat at Goodwill, the first name to pop into my head was one of the detectives on the show, Terri Stivers, a tiny but tough female cop.

Before I tell you more about this cat, I'd like to share a few moments from her day:

"That's my yarn Detective Terri Stivers.""Uh-oh, you better wait your turn Detective.""Oooh good work Detective. You've used your keen observational skills to locate Oregon's elusive sunbeam. Enjoy it while it lasts.""This bathroom is occupied."

A few thoughts on this cat:

*She's not a regular stuffed toy. She's some strange toy/taxidermy hybrid.

*You can't tell by any of these pictures, but she's a bobble head. This fact makes it much more fun to give her scritchies under her chin.

*Jay was actually the one to find her and for that I am forever grateful. He showed her to me and half jokingly said, "You want this don't you?" Hells yeah!

*The girl really wants her, but this toy is all mine. But it's funny to hear her say things like, "Can Detective Terri Stivers sit with me on the couch?" Or, "Aww look, Detective Terri Stivers likes me."

Detective Terri Stivers, one of the silly diversions keeping me sane lately.

Silliness

2011-06-15T13:36:00.000-04:00

The other day I was at Goodwill and I came across a bag filled with stationery odds and ends. Inside the bag were three of these gals:Her name is Holly Hostess and she is the 'host' to the Parasite Pals, one of which you see right now in Holly's belly. This particular parasite is Blinky the eyelash mite, but I definitely want to find Tickles the Tapeworm. If you go to the Parasite Pals website (and I know you're gonna) you can read this description:

Here is the girl with small friends of life present for always. Some irritation she finds with them, but much fun and love is to be shared! Hope for you to enjoy much the friends like Holly. The good fun of Parasite Pals bring us together.

LOVE IT! I think from now on when my kids start to bug me, I'm going to scream at the top of my lungs, "Some irritation I find with you!"

Also cluttering up my apartment are these thread spool people:

My son tells me that one of the other art classes at his school made these and he's been finding them all over the school and our neighborhood. Such a simple, yet clever idea. Plus, I love how they are being found in random places.

Finally, the third thing I wanted to share with you all today is this:

Earlier in the week I got a letter from Jessie and she enclosed a few of the above stickers. I love how they celebrate low-level achievement. I may not be a winner, but I did my best! After a day of job hunting: I may not be gainfully employed, but I did my best! This may be my new motto.

Book Review: Faith

2011-06-12T12:46:00.000-04:00

Over time, Sheila McGann has distanced herself from her staunchly Catholic family. But when her brother Arthur, a popular and well loved priest, is accused of molesting a young boy he was close to, Sheila finds herself going home to find out the truth and deal with family members who have already made up their minds about Arthur.

I don't know. For me this seems to be the year of lackluster books and Faith is another one that falls into that category. It wasn't a bad book by any means, it kept my attention and I was anxious to see how it would end. But then when it did end, I looked back and, once again, thought, Eh.

I didn't think most of the characters were fully developed, and the ones who were well developed were minor, so I was never really able to root for or against anyone. After a while I just stopped caring about what the truth was. Also, the big moments in this book end up being let downs. For instance, the book jacket hints at hidden truths and "long buried secrets" but when these revelations are finally made, they're not really all that shocking or surprising.

That being said, lately I've been finding myself drawn to books that are nothing like my actual life. Job hunting and parenting have been kicking my butt lately and I've been wanting to read books that don't even mention those topics, so in that sense, this book fit the bill and was a bit of an escapism read for me.

All in all, Faith wasn't a bad book, just one that will be forgotten about as soon as I return it to the library.

What I've Eaten Today

2011-06-10T23:16:00.004-04:00

* Three cookies from my favorite bakery. Sure they were gluten free and low in saturated fat, but when a cookie is the size of a frisbee, does it really matter?

*A square of white chocolate and some gummy candies.

*A Filet-O-Fish sandwich and some french fries.

*Most of a bag of potato chips. A few of which were dipped in blue cheese dressing.

That's it. No fruit. No veggies. Unless you count ketchup, which today, I'm going to do.

This is completely unlike my usual way of eating and I'm so ashamed of it that I felt the need to confess it to all of the internet. I never go to McDonald's and I rarely eat potato chips.

Tomorrow I will balance all of this out with a lettuce smoothie and some raisin skins.

Toy:: My Little Sandbox

2011-06-08T17:55:00.000-04:00

I've mentioned before that we don't buy a lot of toys around these parts anymore. Not only do we have space constraints, but I hate spending money on toys only to watch them go untouched, thrown aside in favor of video games or something involving work from me, like a board game. For instance, last Christmas the girl was wickedly into Zoobles. She got about a dozen of them and the Zooble tree house. She plays with them from time to time but recently told me that she just likes to "look at them." Um, even when I do get a job, I will never be willing to buy toys solely for "looking at." When she gets a job, she can buy her own tchotchkes, but while she's living under my rented roof, she'll be getting only toys that she actually plays with, toys that keep her busy and out of my hair for a few precious moments.

Which brings me to this: My Little Sandbox. It is, as the name implies, a small, tabletop sandbox. And she's played with it everyday since Monday, a huge feat around here.

Each playset has a theme, this one is Fairy Workshop but there are quite a few different ones. (I love Big Builder and we may have to get Mermaid and Friends.)
I don't often give toy recommendations because, well, who cares really? But because this toy has given me three straight days of relative peace and quiet, I thought it was worth mentioning here.

Grumbles and a Happy List

2011-06-05T14:40:00.000-04:00

I've always hated Sundays. I think it all began when I stopped liking church. Where I grew up, there were a lot of different congregations meeting in the same building, because of this our church service wasn't always in the morning, sometimes it would be at noon or three. When you have to be somewhere at noon, it just puts a damper on the whole day. Not to mention the fact that this was Florida, and beyond the AM hours it was far too hot for church clothes, so I usually ended up sweaty. Afterwards, we'd come home, my dad would fall asleep on the couch watching reruns of something like Matlock or Bonanza, my mom would read or start cooking dinner, and I'd hide out in my room and wait for Monday. Nothing was bound to happen on Sunday.

Now, I obviously don't have to go to church anymore but it's still my least favorite day. When Jay's home it's not bad because together we find ways to stay busy, even if it's just by playing Trivial Pursuit or traipsing through the woods but when he's not home it's just more of the same: ME AND THE KIDS. Lately, I'm thinking that could be the title to the book of my life: ME AND THE KIDS. (One of the reasons I was so looking forward to the job I did not get, was the chance at spending time away from my children. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and mama needs some absence.)

Today is one of the ME AND THE KIDS days. And as awful as this may sound, they are seriously the last people on earth I want to be with right now. The fact that its almost 2 PM and they are still in their pajamas is really grossing me out. Also, I have no patience for their petty bickering. I suppose as their mother I could go out there and make them get dressed and stop fighting, but that involves more energy than I'm willing to expend at the moment. After yesterday's let down, I kinda just want to lie in bed and watch all the Law and Order's that I've recorded. But life is refusing to stop for my let down.

I know that I shouldn't complain. In the grand scheme of things my life is good. Sure, right now I have a minor cash flow problem and I want to lock my children in a sound proof room, but other than that, my life really isn't that bad. Before I go I want to share a short list of things that are making me happy lately:

*Since moving to Oregon, I've met so many people but I finally feel as if I've made that one friend that everyone needs to have close by. The kind of friend who doesn't mind if you stop in unannounced. The kind of friend who is never embarrassed by her own messy house so you know she doesn't care if your house is a complete disaster area. I no longer want to be friends with women with pristine homes. Sorry, I know it sounds harsh, but I need signs of life. I need laundry everywhere and dishes in the sink. I need to see the clutter that comes from a busy family. Shiny counter tops and spotless bathrooms no longer impress me.

*This past week I finished this pillow:I started the embroidery a few weeks ago, not really having any set plans for it. Eventually it became a large piece in a patchwork pillow cover.

*My last little bit of happiness comes in the form of this $5 garage sale find:

I have no idea what these things are called but it's sort of like a tackle box for embroidery floss and I've been wanting one for a while.A funny story about this floss tackle box:

Last year shortly after moving here, we went to a garage sale near my house. The woman was selling tons of craft supplies including three such boxes. I carried them around for a bit but ultimately decided not to get any of them. Since then, every time I get out my round vintage tin that holds my jumbled mess of floss, I would get a little pissed at myself for not having bought at least one of the boxes. Fast forward to this morning, Jay and I are out enjoying a quiet drive before he has to leave for work. We see a garage sale sign and as we near it we realize that we've been to this family's garage sale before. I go right to the craft table and there sits the three embroidery floss tackle boxes. I was smart enough to snatch one up this time.

I guess good things can occasionally happen on a Sunday.

Change of Plans

2011-06-04T21:01:00.000-04:00

Well, although I said I would be hiding out underneath my bed with cookie dough if I didn't get the job, I refuse to do that. Oh, I want to do that. But I'm not going to. In the long run, that won't make me feel better.

So yeah, I found out this afternoon that the high end skin care company I applied to is offering the position to someone else. How do I describe how I'm feeling right now? Angry, hurt, frustrated, rejected. All those bad, negative emotions we try to avoid. I think what bothers me the most is that I jumped through a lot of figurative hoops to get this job and at each step of the way I was given the impression that the job was pretty much mine. I was more than once told that I would be a perfect fit for the company and the team with which I would be directly working. I had three interviews with this company, two in person and one over the phone. The district boss even had me come in and get a complimentary facial because this company gives facials and she wanted me to learn the process.

The reason that was given for me not being hired was that I "don't have enough sales experience." Since I do actually have a decent amount of sales experience, I'm taking this explanation to mean one of two things: a.) I don't have enough recent sales experience or b.) I don't have enough experience selling cosmetics. Both of those are fair assessments I suppose, but my irritation stems from the fact that my experience and work history was clearly stated on my application and resume. If it wasn't enough, and would never be enough, why waste my time? Why have me come in and learn how to do facials?

Another point of irritation for me was the personality test/phone interview that I did with the home office. This took place late Friday afternoon. Right off the bat the questions seemed odd with the answers unfamiliar to me. I felt my stomach knotting up and I tried to fumble my way through the questions but after about twenty minutes I spoke up and said, "You do realize I'm just applying for a sales position right?" She got real quiet and then said, "Oh no, I've been asking you the management questionnaire. I need to see if I can fix this in my computer. I'll call you back." Fifteen minutes later she calls me back and launches into the appropriate questions, but the damage had been done. I was completely flustered and to be honest, aggravated. I was told to schedule an hour for this interview, that hour was almost up, the interview wasn't even half over, and I wasn't given the option to reschedule it. Not only would Jay be back with the kids soon, but it was almost time for my facial training appointment. So, I honestly have no idea how I did on that interview or how much impact the results of it had on whether or not I got the job, but I hate that it's even slightly possible that the incompetence of someone else played a part in me not getting hired. Of course I don't know if that's the case, but because everything that was said during the first two interviews is so completely different than the end result of me not getting the job, I don't know what to think.

I'm trying to look on the bright side. Obviously this company has some kinks that need working out and somewhere along the line in my interview process it got unprofessional and kinda shoddy. Maybe by not getting hired I've been saved of future irritations and stresses. That's a valid way of looking at it, right? Plus, as I mentioned before, I do feel pretty good about a lot of the other potential employers I've met with. I'm going to spend the next few days working on my resume and then on Tuesday I'm heading back out.

(Deep breaths. Deep, relaxing breaths.)

Random Thoughts From A Jumbled Mind

2011-06-01T09:26:00.000-04:00

*So.....I just tried to take my daughter to school but found out along the way that school is delayed because there is a black bear "loitering" (odd word choice care of the local news) in the field behind her school. We trudged back home, flipped on the news, and sure enough there is a giant bear hanging out not far from my apartment. They hope to have the bear removed and school opened by 9:00, but since the girl is only in school until 10:30, I highly doubt I'll be taking her.

*Since Sunday I've had two job interviews with one company, a high-end skincare and cosmetics company which shall forever remain nameless in this little corner of the internet. In a week or so I have a phone interview with the main office of said company, sort of a personality test type thing. After that I'll know (hopefully) whether or not the job is mine. I mean, everyone I talk to seems to really like me, so it's looking as if I will soon be a working gal, but I don't want to get my hopes up only to be forced to deal with crushing disappointment. But the fact of the matter is that this is the first *real* job I've applied to in 13 years and the more I think about it, the more I want it, so if I get it, it will do amazing things for my self esteem. If I don't get it, I may crawl underneath my bed with some cookie dough and hide out for a week or two.

*I also have a folder full of applications to return if Opportunity Number One doesn't pan out. But I really want Number One. Although it would initially be part time, there seems to be a lot of potential for advancement and it could eventually be more of a career than a job, and a good career at that.

*I have been so anxious lately. I think I've eaten more Tums than food.

*In other news, my kids still have about two weeks of school left. I'm pretty much dragging them out the door at this point. Mentally, they are both anywhere but school. As for me, I'm sick of packing school lunches and I'm totally uninspired in regards to what I throw in the brown bag everyday. Yesterday my poor son had three cookies, two granola bars, some fruit, and a bottle of water. I momentarily considered throwing in a few Tums, but thought better of it. (Hey, they are a great source of calcium.)

*The entire country is dealing with record high temperatures. Except us. It's 52 degrees right now. Saturday our high is supposed to be 83 and I think that will be the warmest day so far this year. It may sound as if I'm bragging (and I kind of am), but I've done my time with the heat and feel I've rightfully earned a bit of a reprieve.

*I have a sewing project and a handful of crochet projects in the works and hope to be finished with at least one of them soon. I've been doing a lot of crafting lately to keep my mind off of all the things in my life that I can't control.

*Jay and I have been spending our evenings re-watching all seven seasons of Homicide: Life on the Street. This gritty, police drama originally aired in the early-mid nineties and the love of it is one of the things that brought Jay and I together. It feels like we're dating again.

Book Review: Love is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time

2011-05-30T16:30:00.000-04:00

I should preface this review by saying that a lot of what I've been reading lately has been lackluster. Not good, not bad, just....not anything. I've read a lot of books this year that I haven't even mentioned here because they didn't make me feel anything at all. They weren't good books but they also weren't bad enough to compel me to write a fun review about how much I disliked it. I hate it when I fall into that sort of rut, reading book after book and feeling completely indifferent about all of them. I have a personal goal to review most of what I read, but if, as I write my review, I start to bore myself, there is no way I can expect you folks to care about what I have to say. Which is why I'm so glad I finally got around to reading Love is A Mix Tape, because I LOVED THIS BOOK.

The author, Rob Sheffield, is a music journalist who has written for Rolling Stone but he's probably most known for popping up on VH1 to give a well informed opinion every time music is discussed. I've always sort of liked what he's had to say so his books have been on my to-read list for sometime. Love is a Mix Tape is all about Sheffield's too short time with his now deceased wife Renee, who died suddenly and unexpectedly of a pulmonary embolism, just five years into their marriage.

Each chapter starts out with a picture of the cover of a mix tape, including band names and song titles. As the chapter progresses, Rob discusses himself and Renee and what they were doing at the time that particular tape was made. At first glance, the book might come off as trite, just the mundane details about the lives of a young music loving couple, but it's so much more than that. Rob speaks of his late wife so sweetly and with such love, that I'll just come out and admit it: The whole thing melted my cold, hard, normally bitter, heart.

One part specifically that really got to me was when Rob describes the time he and Renee returned from a road trip to find that the power had been cut off and they didn't have the cash to settle the bill:

There was no way I could have seen it coming, yet the fact that I couldn't protect Renee from it drove me crazy. How could something like this just happen? Why couldn't I do anything about it? I had felt helpless many times, as an adult even, but feeling helpless as a husband was different from anything I'd ever felt in my life. This was just a temporary snag, but it made me realize how many more of these there were going to be. I was going to have to get used to feeling helpless if I was going to remain a husband. And being a husband made me helpless, because I had somebody to protect (somebody a little high-strung, who had a tough time emotionally with things like the lights going out indefinitely.) Man, I thought it was tough being broke when I was single, but being broke as a husband is not even in the same category.

That paragraph just tore me up. I think that sort of sentiment coming from a man is greatly missing in books today. You expect it from a woman, but from a man.....it's unusual, but in a good way. The entire book was filled with these little moments. When we get to the chapter where he describes Renee's death, he writes about not believing that it's really happened and how he keeps thinking she'll return or call. When he finally leaves the apartment he takes the home phone with him, even though it was a traditional land line and would have done him no good, but he didn't want to think about Renee calling and not getting an answer.

Although I stayed in a perpetual choked-up, near tears state throughout most of the book, it definitely had its funny moments as well. Rob Sheffield is a quick witted, wordy guy, so the story never bores. Here he describes how they would fight over money:

One of us was a scrimp-and-saver, the other was a big spender. Neither of us was what is known as an "earner."

So yes, I loved this book and think that you should read it. It's a quick, easy read, but also original. (It's a shame that this type of male perspective is so lacking in literature.) I'm anxious to read Sheffield's latest book, Talking to Girls About Duran Duran, but I may wait a while on that one. I'm not yet ready to think about him without Renee.

Anniversary of The Big Move

2011-05-26T12:37:00.000-04:00

The anniversary of the big move was a few weeks back so it should come as no surprise that I've been finding myself dwelling not only on all that was accomplished within the last year but also what we left behind and how we hope to better our lives in the future.I remain so amazed that we were able to do it all. I know of a lot of people who still live within the same general vicinity of the place where they grew up, so to think that I'm now living closer to Canada than I am to my birthplace, leaves my brain rattled a bit. (I know, I'm simple.)

Given that I've had a year to think about it, I sat down and tried to make a list of some of the things I missed about Florida:

*My clothesline. I don't plan on living on the second floor of an apartment building forever, but even if I had my own house with my own yard, a clothesline wouldn't get much use here. Occasionally, yes, and especially during the summer months, but mostly it's just too wet and gray.

*Thunder. Oregon has thunder, but it's kind of a joke. (Sorry Oregon, I still love you though.) In fact, it took me months to realize that what I was hearing was in fact thunder at all. For the first six months we lived here I just thought someone off in the near distance was getting some roofing work done. Then it occurred to me that it was Oregon's idea of thunder. Yeah, the thunder in the south could totally kick its ass. But then again, southern thunder is usually accompanied by winds that could blow your house away and torrential downpours that flood streets, making rednecks think it's okay to float their canoe down the street, so you take the good with the bad.

*My compost bin. Okay, I know this one technically doesn't count because I could have one in Oregon, just not on my balcony. I'm sure my downstairs neighbors wouldn't appreciate it.

And.......... that's all I got. Three things. Really, only two things because I'm sure I'll get a compost bin again one day. So no, I don't regret the move. I mean, I didn't think I would regret it, but before we moved there were a lot of naysayers (none of you kind people) who were certain that within a year we'd be jumping at the chance to move back to Florida.

So much has happened in Florida that would have had a huge impact on our lives had we chosen to stay. The boy's best friend moved to West Virginia. My best friend will be on her way to her new home in Indiana tomorrow, and Jay's close golfing buddy moved to Pennsylvania. It's amazing how quickly things can change. I'm glad we left when we did because I wouldn't want to be the person being left behind.

Not only would our social circle have changed, but it's quite possible Jay's work situation would have changed as well. No job is ever 100% secure, but since we've left, certain things have happened at that location that would have kept us on edge had we stayed. Here, Jay really has no day to day worries about his job.

As for me, I'm job hunting. Having been out of the workforce for so long, I'm scared. But excited. I'm so eager to work. I have some applications to fill out, and having talked to a few employers this morning, I'm feeling good about the reception I got. But, I'll be glad when the actual job hunting is over.

Looking back over the past few years I feel as if our lives were on hold while we were in Florida and we didn't begin to truly live until we left. The move has forced us to put ourselves out there and push ourselves in ways we didn't have to before.I guess only time will tell if the move was a good decision, but if you ask me, we've already come out on top.

(All photos were taken at Portland's lovely and lush Forest Park.)

Houseguest

2011-05-22T12:33:00.000-04:00

Next to Jay's store is a bra store that's in the process of being remodeled and they are throwing away all of their old fixtures and mannequins. Jay rescued this fetching young lass from the dumpster:

Randomness about this young woman:

*I'm not sure, but I think she and my son might be dating.

*She had a friend, but she was promptly snatched up by another store manager who had recently broken up with his girlfriend. Make of that what you will.

*I don't think she'll be staying with us long. I don't need this bitch standing around making me feel bad about my body.

*On the bright side, I can for certain say that I will always have her beat in the brains department.

Any suggestions for artsy crafty things to do with a mannequin? Or maybe some type of practical joke? I have to make her time with me worthwhile.

New Pillow Covers

2011-05-18T14:00:00.001-04:00

Shortly after we moved here, I set to work assembling some log cabin squares fully intending to make a quilt. I made about a dozen squares, using lots of greens, yellows, and oranges. I think initially I was going for some type of modified citrus theme. Anyway, as is usually the case with me and quilting, I grew tired of the project pretty quickly. I'm finding that I'm filled with dozens of ideas for large projects but not much patience to see them through. I get distracted by books, TV, or the family and when I finally return to whatever poor project I last abandoned, my enthusiasm for it is gone and I'm on to something else. So, the squares and remaining fabric got thrown in my desk drawer.

About two months ago I got everything out again but didn't feel like doing log cabins so I just started sewing the strips of fabric together with no real purpose. A few days later it all went back, once again, in the desk drawer. Which was where they remained until this morning when I decided my bed needed new throw pillows.

My favorite part about these pillow covers is that they can be taken off and washed, because they have that overlap thing going on in the back:I had never done that before but after making my own cloth sandwich bags (via this tutorial), I figured it was the same general idea.

As I was making these, I wasn't all that into the project, but as they started to come together I really began to love the way they look. I've come a long way with my sewing and it feels good to say that I made something that doesn't look like crap.

The cat likes them too.

Gub-Gub Brownies

2011-05-14T13:41:00.000-04:00

(I'm pretty sure that I've written about these brownies here before but it was probably a while ago and I don't really feel like looking anyway. Plus, they're so tasty and unique that they're worth mentioning again.)

It's been a long time-at least two years-since I've made these. The other day I was kind of absentmindedly fumbling around in the kitchen when I said to no one in particular, "I need to make Gub Gub brownies again." The boy jumped from the couch and yelled, "Oh my god, yes! Please!" How could I say no to that kind of enthusiasm?

Despite my sweet tooth, I actually hate most brownies. But these are different, more like some strange, gooey chocolate chip cookie/brownie hybrid. The recipe comes from Ayun Halliday's Dirty Sugar Cookies, which is one of my all time favorite books.It's part funny memoir, part cook book and it doesn't disappoint on either count.

I'm not going to post the recipe here because I can't find it anywhere on the internet and I don't want to be the first to plagiarize Ayun Halliday, so to further entice you to buy the book (or at the very least, get it from the library), here's a picture of the pan of brownies before being popped into the oven:

Raw eggs be damned...yum.

There is another recipe from Dirty Sugar Cookies that I have been dying to make but have never tried and that is the Shitty Kitty Confection, which has some of the best instructions in the book, such as Get ready to fuck up your blender with one package of vanilla sandwich cookies. It's basically a cake/cookie/pudding mixture with some Tootsie Rolls thrown on top to look like cat turds. Oh, and it's served in a (clean and unused) cat box and doled out with a pooper scooper. See, I can't serve that to just anyone, it would have to be someone who has cats and would truly appreciate it. (Daphne, consider yourself warned.)

Book Review:: The Anti-Romantic Child

2011-05-09T12:15:00.000-04:00

Priscilla Gilman's childhood was idyllic. She never wanted for anything and she and her sister spent hours lost in the world of books or creative imaginative play. For her, childhood was paradise.

As the time neared for Priscilla to have her first child, a boy she would name Benji, she had a lot of romantic notions and expectations for his childhood. But as months passed, she soon realized that Benji was different: his fine and gross motor skills were always a bit off, he seemed to have an abnormal fascination with letters and numbers and he was reading fluently by the time he was two. On the one hand, Priscilla and her husband saw all of this as just signs of Benji's brilliance since they themselves were steeped in the world of academia at Yale, but when they attempted to enroll Benji in pre-school, they soon realized how different he truly was.

Eventually, Benji not only was diagnosed as having hyperlexia-which some believe to be the neurological opposite of dyslexia-but also as having abnormalities with his sense of touch, sense of movement, and sense of position processing systems. He had a speech disorder, sensory integration dysfunction, and motor delays. He needed speech therapy, occupational therapy, sensory integration therapy, and physical therapy. The Anti-Romantic Child documents the years Priscilla and her husband spent trying to understand Benji and get him the treatments and education that he deserved.

I won this book through Goodreads (which is where I seem to be getting a lot of my books lately-yay for free books!) and I have to admit that I didn't expect to like it. Lately I've grown tired of memoirs and disappointed with what I see as the silly premises and poor writing contained in them. (Just Kids would be an exception to this.) But I loved this book. Priscilla Gilman is a phenomenal writer and the way she writes about her son is so heartfelt and honest. She intertwines her tales of tirelessly advocating for her son with snippets of poetry by Wordsworth (she's a scholar of the poet) but the writing never once gets too flowery or pretentious. She's simply writing what she feels in the best way that she knows how.

Another thing I loved about Priscilla is that although she comes from what I consider to be extreme privilege (wealthy New York lifestyle, two parents in somewhat high profile literary fields, etc.) she never comes across as seeming to have a sense of entitlement. She just wants for her son what anyone would want, and she herself puts in a great deal of legwork to get it. She takes him to numerous weekly classes, therapies, and meetings. While Benji was in speech therapy she kept speech journals of everything he said and in what context, and she'd often spend hours at night composing emails to Benji's teachers in attempts to reach agreements on the best way to teach him. All of this eventually takes its toll on Gilman's marriage, which she touches on near the end of the book, but never in any kind of accusatory way and throughout the book she really does a great job of staying focused on the topic-Benji.

I would highly recommend this book to just about anyone (it was definitely that good), but especially to someone who closely knows a child who has a personality that could be placed somewhere on the Autism spectrum.

Completely Mundane Randomness

2011-05-05T19:57:00.000-04:00

*Last month I shaved my head. I kept meaning to tell you all that but for some reason never got around to it. Beforehand, I made this semi-big deal about it on Facebook. Like, should I do it/should I not? Then when Jay finally shaved my head it was sort of anti-climactic because it wasn't that much shorter than my usual pixie cut. I guess that's why I never mentioned it, it seemed uninteresting.

*Jay and I watched Back Swan the other night. Eh. Maybe I've just seen too many movies but I was completely underwhelmed by the lackluster storyline of this film. The acting was great but I really wanted more from the whole movie, especially the ending. As I sit here I can't really even think about any memorable scenes. As a side note: Everyone in that movie is really, really skinny so don't watch it if you're having a fat day. Jay made comments to me more than once about this, saying things like, "I don't think anyone in this movie weighs enough to get their period." Or, during a scene when Natalie Portman's character is seen vomiting into a toilet he said, "Oh you're throwing up? It must have been that half a grapefruit you ate two days ago." That's my guy.

*I really need a job. Not just for the obvious reasons of helping my husband provide for our family and bettering ourselves financially, but for the less obvious reason that if I don't find something semi-productive with which to occupy my time outside of the house, someone is gonna get stabbed. Back in Florida, when I had a huge house, I stayed busy all day and the fact that I didn't work wasn't really an issue. But here, our apartment is small and with regular upkeep it can be cleaned in a matter of minutes. So then I'm left trying to figure out how to fill the other 23 1/2 hours of the day. Of course, the girl is with me most of the day, so I spend a lot of time entertaining her, but really, she's not an infant and she doesn't need constant oversight. I try to stay busy with my hobbies and books but I'm definitely feeling the need for MORE. Not sure what MORE is but I hope I find it soon.

The sad irony of all this is that the time in my life when I want to work the most, it's logistically just not possible. Jay's schedule changes weekly and at times can be odd and hard to work around (ex: tomorrow he works from 4 AM until noon). Then there is the girl's 2 1/2 hour school day. These two factors incredibly limit what hours I can work. So, the plan is to start actively looking for a job when the school year is over and the boy can babysit. Then next year the girl will have a longer school day and we'll possibly utilize the after school program at her school, thus giving me an entire day to work. Like a normal person. Just thinking about this makes me giddy.

*To fill some of the many hours of my unwanted free time, I've taken to watching episodes of Law and Order, which, if you have access to enough channels, is on in some form at all times. Not only have I gotten good at figuring out who committed the crime and why, but now I'm starting to pick up on continuity errors within scenes. This would be sort of exciting if someone was around at the time for me to share this with, but sadly it's just the pets and they don't care about my sharp eye. And frankly, I try not to talk to the pets too much because I'm worried that in my severely bored mental state, that would propel me into a level of crazy I'm not quite ready to own up to yet.

Facebook and My Son

2011-05-02T12:33:00.007-04:00

One of the minor irritants in my life lately has been in regards to my son and what he posts on Facebook. If you want to get technical, he's not even supposed to have a Facebook page because he's still underage (I think the age is 13, and he's not quite there yet.) But the fact that my son has almost 400 Facebook friends, most of whom are middle school age, proves that this is an easy enough rule to get around. When he started up his account, Jay and I set up a couple of ground rules:

1. He has to be friends with me and Jay.

2. His FB account, much like his cell phone, Ipod, email account, and (still useless) Playstation network account, is subject to an impromptu inspection at any time. (I've never actually had to log in to his FB account to snoop because many of his friends' pages aren't private so in most cases I can check up on things on my own in a matter of minutes. But, as mom, I reserve the right to hijack the whole thing if I feel a need to.)

About once a week I look at his page, click on his friends pages and commence "snooping." For the most part, I'm not friends with any of his friends and I don't want to be, I don't post on his page, and I pretty much try to make my presence go unknown. I'm not trying to be the 'cool mom', I'm just trying to do my job as a parent. And mostly everything I find is harmless. There's probably a bit more cursing than I would like, but nothing that isn't typical of an almost thirteen year old boy.

Occasionally though, he'll post a comment so foolish or ignorant that I feel the need to speak up. Sometimes I mention it to him offline and in private, other times I'll call him on it right there on Facebook. Last night was one of those times. After it was announced that Osama Bin Laden had been killed, my son posted something so ignorant and uneducated that I felt the need to speak up. I'm not going to repost what he said here because it was just dumb. It wasn't even politically controversial, just really stupid, and I said as much on his page and then his dad and I had a discussion with him about it.

What's my point in writing about this then? Well, this got me to thinking that once something is put *out there* via Facebook (or a blog for that matter), it's out there for good. Even if you delete it, chances are someone saw it. This isn't anything new to me of course. I've been blogging for a few years now and there are times I've had to clarify my point because I didn't say things as eloquently as I could have. But usually, when I post something here, I've thought about it enough to feel confident in the way I write about it. I think that everything that I put into words here truthfully reflects the person that I am.

My issue is that a lot of what my son puts on Facebook doesn't reflect the person I know he is. So much of it is phony, foolish posturing in an attempt to appear a certain way to the folks whose opinions matter a lot to him right now-his peers, other teens and pre teens acting just as stupid as he is. I know that this behaviour is typical of a twelve year old but it still bugs me that it has to be manifest in a way that is so public, to be read by anyone with an internet connection.

I'm sure when I was twelve I did and said a lot of stupid things that would embarrass me now, things that are far off from the person who I am today. But there's no public record of my foolishness. My stupidity was kept within my small circle of friends, rarely spoken of by anyone else and certainly not seen by adult eyes.

So now I, and other parents like me, are faced with a dilemma: Do we intervene every time our kid posts something dumb/ignorant/offensive on Facebook or do we let it slide in hopes that they'll come to their senses on their own? I'm not really the 'let it slide' type but I have to say that I was a really sheltered child and even I didn't have someone looking over my shoulder correcting every stupid thing I said. (FYI: Jodi wrote about something similar that happened in her life last year and I've been thinking about her post a lot today.) Of course there is always the option of making him delete his FB account, but I don't think that's the best solution in the long term.

As for me, I suppose I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Maybe a bit more snooping and a few more conversations about the face you present to the world via the internet. But until the teen years are over, if you find yourself on my son's FB page and something offends you, let me apologize in advance.

Book Review:: Icy Sparks

2011-04-27T14:00:00.001-04:00

The synopsis on the back cover reads:

Rural Kentucky in the 1950s is not an easy place to grow up, and it's especially hard for ten year old Icy Sparks, an orphan who lives with her grandparents. Life becomes even more difficult for Icy when violent tics and uncontrollable cursing begin-symptoms brought on by a troubling affliction that goes undiagnosed until her adulthood. Icy's adolescence is marred by the humiliation of her illness, and its all-too-visible signs are the source of endless mystery and hilarity as everyone around her offers an opinion about what's troubling the girl. Eventually, Icy finds solace in the company of Miss Emily, an obese woman who knows what it's like to be an outcast in this tightly knit community. Narrated by a now-grown Icy, this novel shimmers with warmth and humor as it recounts a young girl's painful and poignant journey to womanhood-and the many lives she touches and enriches along the way.

Random List of Tidbits About this Book

* I've been reading this book for over a month, and not because I was savoring it but because I found it very, very boring. There were times I went days without reading any of it and I was worried that when I picked it up again I'd have forgotten what happened. No need to worry. Nothing much happened throughout the entire book.

* The synopsis on the back cover seems as if it was written by someone who never read the book, or maybe read only half of it. That part about "Eventually Icy finds solace in the company of Miss Emily..." makes no sense because they were friends from the start of the book and remained friends until the end. Also, I found no "humor" or "hilarity" in this book.

* I really wanted to like this book. I had never before read a book with a main character (or any character for that matter) who suffers from Tourette Syndrome and I thought it would make for an interesting read. I was wrong.

* About half way though the book Icy gets kicked out of school and is sent to live for a short while in a mental hospital. This was where I thought, Okay, now the fun is about to begin, because I think that mental hospital life makes for some awesome reading. Again I was wrong. It was just the usual mental hospital stuff: the patient who poops himself, the one who doesn't talk, the one who bites, the one who butts people with his head, the one abusive orderly (because there is always one). Yawn.

*There were times that the dialogue in this book made me want to stab myself in the eyes. Take this passage, for instance, where Icy is at the mental hospital trying to convince her doctor to let her go home for the holidays:

"So let me go home," I said.
"We can't," Dr. Conroy said. "At least, not yet."
"So let my folks come and see me," I said.
"We can't," she repeated. "not yet."
"For Christmas?" I asked.
"Maybe," she said.

OH MY GOD. It's all so trite! To be fair, it wasn't like this through the whole book, but it happened often enough that around page 250, I was pretty much just skimming until the end.

*My friend Kashoan sent me this book, which makes me think she doesn't like me as much as she claims to. HA. I kid. Really though, I called Kashoan and asked her if she liked the book and after some thought she said, "Yeah. I guess. But I kept waiting for something big to happen and it never did." That pretty much sums it up. I'm still glad she sent me the book though because I really LOVE writing reviews for books I don't like, and I don't get the chance often enough.

*The ending of this book was totally bizarre. Icy goes to some raucous church revival with her grandma, there was a lot of Praise the Lord and Amen! and Onward Christian Soldiers (Seriously, it was like this from page 279-284. See: trite dialogue.) and then Icy decides to join the church choir and go to college. What?? How did we get to that point? I just didn't get it.

*Inexplicably, a lot of people like this book. I was reading reviews of it on Goodreads and they were mostly positive. Except for this one by someone named Jeff-is Moderately Brilliant which made me laugh:

"Ugh. I just saw the book cover, and wanted to hurl. My sister told me to read it. That's the last recommendation she ever gave... I killed her."

Hopefully he's joking, and Kashoan you have nothing to worry about, I'm not coming to kill you. But his statement does lead me to believe that when it comes to this book there is no grey area, you either love it or hate it.

I feel like I'm taking the easy way out by not writing a proper review but I honestly don't know what else to say. Girl has Tourette's, stuff happens, people come in and out of her life. The End. I'm just glad I'm done with it so that I can devote time to reading something else.

Chihuahua Public Service Announcement

2011-04-25T12:32:00.001-04:00

About a week ago we made the tough decision (confession: the decision wasn't that tough) to get rid of our chihuahua. Jay and I had grown tired of Sadie long ago but had held on to her because the boy liked her. (The girl has always been indifferent at best.) Finally though, after having to pick up chihuahua crap one too many times, the boy gave up. I think his exact words were, "Why do I do this?! That dog isn't even nice to me!" Of course he was right, the dog wasn't that nice to him. In fact, the cruel irony of it was that the only one the dog liked was me. So this really was a losing situation for all involved-I didn't want her around me but because she wanted to be around only me, she was pretty much starved for affection. (Well, for a chihuahua.)

To those of you who've never owned a chihuahua it may seem as if I'm being cruel, which is why I'm taking a few moments out of my time to share with you some tidbits that I had to learn the hard way.

*Chihuahuas tend to latch on to one person. In this situation that person was me. When we first got Sadie six years ago this wasn't much of a problem, but as life got more hectic spending time with her just started to feel like work. It was as if I had a third child. If I sat down, she jumped in my lap. If I walked around the house, she followed me. If I went in the bathroom, she sat by the door. This went on for six years. I know you're thinking that she just loved me, but it wasn't that. It was more like she was forcing me to love her. Which brings me to my next point:

*Chihuahuas have a strong sense of entitlement. They assume that no matter what they do, it's going to be okay with you. And if it's not, screw you, you better get used to it. There were numerous times that Sadie would jump in my lap and I'd push her away only to have her jump back up not ten seconds later. There's a woman in my neighborhood who has two chihuahuas and when I was explaining this to her I ended my statement with the phrase, "Chihuahuas are just so dumb." She looked at me and said, "No, they aren't dumb at all. Just really disobedient." Well, there you go. (For the record, this woman loves these dogs and says she'll never own another breed. Clearly she's off her rocker.)

*Chihuahuas are notoriously hard to housebreak. After six years, Sadie still never went one full week without pooping in the house, despite our best efforts to train her. If she needed to poop, she didn't let the minor fact that she wasn't outside stop her. She would poop wherever she was. In the kitchen, underneath the dinner table, right in front of me as I sat on the couch, etc. What made matters worse was that she just didn't care. Chihuahuas, unlike other dogs, aren't eager to please their owners. We'd be cleaning up after her and she'd be dancing around us wagging her tail. Her lack of shame always really bugged me.

On the off chance that you guys don't believe me and think that I just had a defective chihuahua or that I didn't devote enough time to training her, let me assure you that in the years that I owned Sadie I spoke to a lot of other chihuahua owners and the general consensus was the same.

My best friend, Dawn, had to put her chihuahua to sleep last year, after something like fifteen years of servitude. After a short period of grief she soon realized how much better her life was. It wasn't long before she was bragging about NOT having to pick up poop. (I have to admit that I was kind of jealous of her at this point. Misery loves company.) When I told her that we were looking for a home for Sadie, she was definitely excited for me, saying, "Your quality of life is about to greatly improve." She also admitted that even though her dog has been gone for over a year, whenever she sees something black or brown on the floor, maybe a Lego or other small toy, her first reaction is to assume it's dog poop.

In writing about all of this, I'm not saying that chihuahuas are bad pets for everyone. I know a lot of happy chihuahua owners. That woman I mentioned earlier? She's older and her husband has to travel a lot for work, so I think she probably likes the neediness of chihuahuas and doesn't mind them following her around all day. But I think that chihuahuas aren't the best pet choice for most families.

As for Sadie, Jay wasted no time finding her a home. Within a day of Monty declaring he had had enough, Jay talked to someone through work who had owned a chihuahua before and was looking to own one again. In my mind this was the perfect person for Sadie to go to-someone who knew what chihuahuas were like but yet wanted one anyway. (As much as we were all sick of Sadie, we weren't going to let her go with just anyone. We wanted to make sure she'd be loved.) I sent her this picture to seal the deal:Last I heard, Sadie was snuggled in the lap of her new mommy.

Worst Saturday Ever?

2011-04-24T08:43:00.000-04:00

Well, not for me. My Saturday was fine. Typical, slightly dull, and mildly productive, but fine. My son though, had a rough time. Why? The Playstation Network had been down since Wednesday. What this means, for those of you who are noobs and not in the know, is that my son could play PS3, but he couldn't play online with all of his pasty white nerd friends across the country. (I tell myself that these friends are no different than the friends I've made through blogging. Right?) This was all mildly annoying during the week but he wasn't too bothered since he was at school. But by Saturday, when it became clear that he would be missing out on some prime gaming time, he was aggravated. Let me tell you, a nerd on gaming withdrawal is grouchy. I'll be the first to admit that I may have looked at him and uttered the phrase, "Wow. Someone has their period." (That right there shows you that I probably spend way too much time talking to middle school boys.)

After turning the PS3 on and off half a dozen times and reading news articles about the outage, the boy decided he may as well find something else to do. Here's a short list of some of what he did:

*Annoyed me. First and foremost. I have no patience for someone flopping around the house complaining about their lot in life. I get it. You can't pretend to kill people. I feel your pain and kinda miss it myself, but life goes on.

*Annoyed the girl. This is when you know you've taken being a pest to a whole new level, when the girl actually asks you to leave her alone.

*Read a book. This one didn't last long.

*Watched Youtube videos of other people playing video games. This is like the nicotine patch for addicted gamers.

*Made a fake Facebook page for someone named Boonar Testisack. (Because the name 'Boner' didn't make it past the Facebook censors.) It should come as no surprise that Mr. Testisack works as an FBI agent-Female Body Inspector.

But somewhere around 8:00 PM, as I was drinking my nightly glass of wine, the boy, probably realizing that once Mom pours her wine the chances of us going anywhere are slim to none, agreed to play a game of Scrabble with me. The TV was off, the girl was in bed and Jay was at work. It was just the two of us. And we had the most fun. Not only was he being jovial and silly but he actually tried to win, so the game was challenging to me. (Of course he didn't win, but the score was surprisingly close considering you can only spell penis and balls so many times.)

Board games are nothing new around here. We play them a lot. But because the boy is at the kind of jerky-almost a teenager age, I always get the impression that deep down he doesn't really want to be with us and that if something better were to come along then he'd drop us like a bag of dirt. Last night though, nothing better was coming along, and he knew it. So he let himself have a good time.

I know that I can't force what happened last night. If I were to institute a mandatory Family Game Night it just wouldn't be the same, there would be a certain level of resentment. A lot of things had to fall into place for last nights fun to happen. I'm glad they did and I'm glad I was here to enjoy it.

But..... as of my last checking, Playstation Network is still down so I may be able to milk this a little bit longer.

Book Review:: Just Kids

2011-04-22T08:16:00.000-04:00

Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe were many things-lovers, artistic collaborators, each others muse, and lifelong friends. Just Kids chronicles their relationship from when they met as teenagers up until the time of Robert's death in the late eighties. Throughout all the incarnations of their relationship, they both had one main goal which was to create art, Patti through poetry, drawing (and later, music) and Robert through drawing and photography.

This book isn't plot heavy, it's simply their story, the story that Robert asked Patti to tell. There is no one big moment in the book, but the beauty is in the little details: the way they would go to Coney Island and share a hot dog and soda because they were too poor for anything else. (He would eat the hot dog, she's eat the sauerkraut.); the gifts of drawings or thrift store trinkets; the way they essentially stayed "together" throughout their adult lives even though Patti married someone else and Robert ended up in a committed relationship with another man. They had vowed never to leave each other and ultimately they never did.

One of the things I loved about this book was that it ends right as Patti Smith begins to get famous. Having never really been a fan of Smith's music, I started to lose interest when she describes recording sessions and gigs. But, she kept that part short and then fast forwarded to Robert's death due to AIDS complications. The last ten or so pages describing his death and all the emotions surrounding it were gut wrenching and I found myself choking back tears.

The fact that a large portion of this story takes place during such an interesting time for pop culture-the '60's and '70's, made reading this somewhat of a history lesson for me and from time to time I found myself putting the book down just to do internet searches on so many of the fascinating people who were in the news at that time. Like Sharon Tate, Roman Polanski's wife who was brutally murdered by followers of Charlie Manson. I had no idea she was eight months pregnant at the time of her death. Or all the crazy characters who Andy Warhol surrounded himself with. Previously, these were all just names to me.

Through this book I was also introduced to the work of Robert Mapplethorpe which is breathtaking, beautiful, and at times brutally graphic. If you aren't familiar with his work I urge you to do an image search and check it out. (Although be warned that what pops up is NOT safe for work, not for child eyes, and frankly, may be offensive to some adults.)

Just Kids is more than a memoir. It's the story of two friends on their journey to become artists. It was a smooth, easy read and will probably end up being one of my favorite books of the year.

Balloon Fun

2011-04-13T12:23:00.000-04:00

About two weeks ago the girl bought a balloon animal at the Saturday Market. Initially, it was a pink cat on a white leash. A sweet and innocent enough balloon animal. But now, in its half deflated state, it doesn't look so innocent anymore:

I'm not going to lie to you, the whole thing makes me a little bit uncomfortable.

A Playground Tale

2011-04-09T11:14:00.001-04:00

"Tell us a story" said my daughter, as the four other little kids at the park sat down in front of me.

This is what happens when you're the only adult at the playground. I sighed, "Fine. Once upon a time there were five little kids and they were all really annoying and they kept bugging a lady who just wanted to sit on a bench at the park. The End."

The kids giggled but took the hint and moved on to doing other things, all except for my girl and a girl named Morgan, who sat in front of me making a home for a worm they had found. They were deep in conversation about what to name the worm when Morgan, who had been listening to Lucy stutter for the last half an hour, finally asked, "Why do you talk like that?" Lucy, still stuttering, just said, "I don't know. I just sometimes do." I estimate it took her about a minute to get those seven words out. I was so thankful when Morgan said, "Oh, okay" and they went back to playing. Thank you Morgan, for being an awesome, sweet girl and just dropping it.

I struggle with these moments. I try to let my kids fight their own battles. They know I'm here, in the background waiting to jump in at a moment's notice, but ultimately I want them to handle things themselves. But, in regards to the stutter, it is so, so hard. I want to immediately spring to action and fix things. But I can't. Even if I decided to, it's just not possible to pull words, perfectly spoken, from her mouth.

****************************************

As we were walking home I asked Lucy if it bothers her when people ask why she talks differently. She said "Yes" and nothing more. So then I asked if it embarrasses her. She said, "No. I just don't know what to say."

And that was when I nearly lost it. That was the moment when I realized how confusing this whole thing must be for her. I feel like in some ways maybe we dropped the ball on this one. In an effort to not "make a big deal out of it" (which was what all the well-meaning experts say to do) we neglected to educate Lucy on her stutter. She had no idea what it was or why she did it. It was all I could do to not cry. I did my best to compose myself and I said, "Well, it's called a stutter. Right now, it means you're really, really smart and your brain goes faster than your mouth, but eventually your mouth will catch up and one day you'll wake up and you won't stutter anymore."

Okay, I know that's not the clinical definition of what the girl has going on, but it was the best I could come up with and it seemed to work for the girl because as soon as we got home she excitedly ran up to her brother and, still stuttering, said, "Hey Monty, you know why I talk like this? Because this is just how really, really smart people have to talk!" Monty shot me a confused look out of the corner of his eye, halfheartedly said "Oh wow. Cool." and went back to what he was doing.

*****************************************

That evening, when Lucy was playing a loud video game and I knew she wouldn't hear me, I went into my room and cried. Jay was reading and the boy was using the computer. They both immediately stopped what they were doing and stared at me, surprised to see me walk into a room and start bawling. I explained what happened at the park and I told them what Lucy said. They were both really quiet. Although our whole family is incredibly patient with Lucy's stutter, I don't really think Jay and the boy understand the magnitude of it on a daily basis. They don't see the way other kids look at her or whisper about her. They aren't around to be on the receiving end of the sympathetic looks from other parents. I hate what Lucy has to deal with, and I feel sorry for her, but I don't want anyone else to feel sorry for her. She needs no ones sympathy.

I know that in the grand scheme of things a stutter is no big deal, especially a stutter that everyone says will disappear by the time she's eight. But right now, watching her struggle with it can be brutal and some days it rips me up inside.

Grant Park

2011-04-04T15:41:00.000-04:00

I've been reading Ramona Quimby, Age 8 to the girl. While I knew that Beverly Cleary was from around here, I never realized how often this area was mentioned in her stories.

This is the first true chapter book I've read to the girl, and in doing so I'm really trying hard to bring the story to life for her so that she doesn't lose interest. Ramona mentions being able to see Mt. Hood from her classroom window. Hey, we can see Mt. Hood too. When Ramona's dad gave her a Pink Pearl eraser for the first day of school, I went out and bought one for the girl. (Although she was thankful, I have to say that the girl wasn't nearly as excited about the eraser as Ramona was. Sadly, in an age of $60 video games, a 49 cent eraser doesn't have the same appeal it once had.)

This past Sunday, Jay had the idea of taking the girl to Grant Park. Grant Park pops up in a lot of Cleary's stories and the real Klickitat Street, where the Quimby's and their friend Henry Huggins lived, is just a few blocks away.

The highlight of the park was the Beverly Cleary sculpture garden. As soon as Lucy realized this was a sculpture of Ramona, she ran up and held her hand as if they were about to go splash in mud puddles together.

This is the first time I've read a Ramona book in decades and I'm surprised at how much I'm enjoying it. Ramona is so sweet but still a bit rough and tumble-the perfect heroine for a little girl who is not above causing her own harmless shenanigans.

This Saturday the library is hosting a 90 minute Ramona walking tour, where you visit the places mentioned in the books. If the girl was just a wee bit older, I'd be all over this. But at this point I just don't think she'd have an appreciation for the full tour, since we've only read the one book so far. Maybe next year.

Posing at the Portland Saturday Market

2011-04-03T15:35:00.000-04:00

This made me realize two things:

1. I will never be able to scrape my way into upper middle class if I keep giving money to dogs.

2. My own dogs need jobs.

Rhubarb Cake

2011-03-30T12:45:00.000-04:00

For the last few months, Jay has been getting some fancy schmancy dental work done and he's set a personal goal for himself that every time he leaves the dentist's office, he has to leave with something "for free." The first time it was the typical toothpaste/floss/toothbrush combo. His second appointment had him leaving with a nifty device that you screw onto your tube of toothpaste and it squeezes out every last drop off toothpaste for you. The third visit he actually went up to the desk and said, "Do you have anything free laying around here?" The receptionist just stared at him (I'm assuming with that bewildered/frustrated look that I usually give him) and handed him a magnetic calendar. This most recent time, he was reading the latest issue of Sunset magazine while waiting and he came upon a tasty sounding recipe. He took the magazine to the receptionist and said, "Hey. You have a copy machine back there, right? Make a copy of this for me please."

The recipe was for this:Rhubarb upside down cake with rhubarb compote and rosemary caramel sauce.Because what's better to eat after a trip to the dentist than caramel soaked caked?

The aroma this cake gave off was amazing. It was light and airy, almost like angel food cake, but it contained 3 ounces of melted white chocolate, which made it smell wonderful while baking. And then the rosemary infused caramel sauce just added another fragrant layer. I would love to have a candle that smelled this good.

This cake was a hit with the whole family, which surprised me because rhubarb isn't something we eat a lot of. It wasn't readily available in Florida and I hadn't gotten around to doing anything with it since moving to Oregon. We ended up eating the entire cake for dinner.

So yes, get your hands on a copy of Sunset, stealing it from the dentist if you have to, and make this cake.

(Jay has another dentist appointment in a month. I wonder what he'll come home with?)

Things I'm Into Right Now

2011-03-28T18:34:00.001-04:00

Wow. I just checked my archives and I haven't done a Things I'm Into post since October. Yikes. I mean, lately I've noticed that life has been wearing on me a bit more than usual but I didn't realize it had been over six months since I had made a short list of the little everyday things I'm loving. I definitely think a list is in order.

*Homemade PizzaWe have it about twice a month and it's my favorite dinner. This last one-cheese, mushroom, asparagus, and spinach-was especially good.

*Bangs. Particularly, the girl's new ones.Creating them was a team effort by me and Jay after watching the girl suck on her hair one too many times.You'd think that between the two of us we could cut a straight line, but no.I still love them though. Just looking at them makes me want to read Ramona Quimby books:

*Regular ShowDoes anyone else watch this completely off the wall show on Cartoon Network? It's bizarre, funny, and only 15 minutes long. And only sort of for the kiddies.

*Crochet. Despite having some really good reading material on my nightstand, I haven't been reading much. This past week or so it's been all about the crochet. The repetitive process is soothing and easy to do while watching TV. I've made a few dishcloths and taught myself the double crochet stitch. I've also begun two blankets, one for each of the kids. The boy's was almost done when I decided to unwind the entire thing and start over. Jay thinks I'm nuts but I knew if I had kept the blanket as it was, I would hate looking at it.

What are you into lately?

Book Review: Haunting Jasmine

2011-03-22T11:01:00.000-04:00

Jasmine Mistry is trying to keep it all together. She just got divorced from her lying, cheating ex but still has to see him (and his girlfriend) while they work out the details of who gets the house. She has a high powered but stressful job as a financial planner and she's in line for a promotion that she desperately needs to be able to restart her life. Then her beloved Aunt calls. Auntie needs to travel to India for a month and she wants Jasmine to run her bookstore while she's away. Against her judgement, but unable to say no to her Aunt, Jasmine heads home.

Upon returning to her hometown, a small, rainy island in the middle of Puget Sound, Jasmine realizes she may be in over her head. Not only is her Aunt way behind on her paperwork, but she tells Jasmine that the bookstore is haunted by the spirits of dead authors and that Jasmine must learn to get along with the ghosts in order for things to run smoothly. While dealing with the usual ghostly happenings (books dropping, items being moved/misplaced, doors and windows slamming, etc....) Jasmine meets the handsome and mysterious Connor Hunt who wants to teach Jasmine how to love again. (I know, gag.) But is Connor too good to be true?

As I mentioned last week, I won this book through a contest on Goodreads and this is definitely not a book I would have picked out on my own. (You probably can't tell from the picture, but the cover actually has glitter on it. I'm the anti-glitter.) But for what this book is (mindless chick lit) it really isn't that bad. Although the story itself is predictable, the writing isn't bad and the author does a decent job of describing places and setting the mood. In fact, there were times I was really impressed with the beauty of the writing. For instance, this passage, which takes place while Jasmine is on the ferry headed to the island:

As we approach the island, the eastern shoreline emerges from a wall of fog. Madrone and fir trees tumble down to wild rocky beaches; forested hillsides rise into pewter skies; and the town of Fairport hugs the harbor in a density of antique buildings and twinkling lights. My heartbeat thuds. What am I doing here? Soon the moss will grow between my fingers, in the creases of my nose, and in the pockets of my thin raincoat, where I keep Auntie's letter, her urgent request that summoned me home.

The author did a good job of never allowing the writing to get too flowery and over the top. It was definitely the quality of the writing, and the not the actual plot, that kept me reading. Another plus, was that even though this is technically a romance, there were no corny sex scenes. Thankfully, no heaving breasts or throbbing members.

I would describe Haunting Jasmine as vanilla ice cream. When I want ice cream, I usually crave something a bit more substantial. Something with large chunks of cookie dough or peanut butter filled chocolate covered pretzels. But, once in a while I'll eat a bowl of vanilla ice cream and realize that even though it isn't what I crave, it's easy to eat, goes down smooth and there are no surprises. I wouldn't trade my usual gunk filled ice cream for it, but occasionally it's a nice change.

The Positive and the Negative

2011-03-20T12:45:00.002-04:00

Last week Jay and I surprised the girl with a new bike with training wheels. The last bike she had was a tricycle that we sold before leaving Florida. We thought a 'big kid' bike would be a great way for her to burn off some of her spaztastic energy. But, as with all things with the girl lately, the whole thing is proving to be so much more difficult than it needs to be. Even though it has training wheels, she's scared of falling. The conditions need to be perfect for her to even consider sitting on it. She doesn't like the wind, she doesn't want to ride uphill but she's frightened about losing control going downhill. She doesn't want to be pushed but she doesn't want me to let go of her either. Needless to say, bike riding time hasn't been a lot of fun and I've basically thrown in the towel, at least for a few days.

The flip side to all this is that while we're struggling so much with the girl lately, the boy has really stepped up to the plate and has been trying so hard to just keep the peace and make everything work out. The other day I watched as he tried to convince the girl to get on her bike.He tried begging, cajoling, and reasoning with her. He patiently explained about the training wheels and reassured her that he wouldn't let her get too far ahead of him.After about 15 minutes he finally convinced her to get on and ride. She rode about three feet before sliding off the bike and running away screeching about how scared she was. The boy, still exhibiting amazing patience, told her that he wasn't going to let her play video games until she gave bike riding an honest try. She said she didn't care. Normally, I don't give the boy the authority to make those types of deals, but in this instance I'm backing him up. She's on Day Three of no video games.

Despite the fact that I live with a six year old who is desperately trying to make me crazy, I'm attempting to remain positive.

Other bits of happy include:

*Sunny days and the occasional rainbow.Although I'm never one to be lamenting all the rain, the weather here has definitely given me a greater appreciation for the sunny days we do have.

*Gardening. We don't have the space for a full fledged garden, but the girl and I planted some herbs and a few spinach plants. It felt good to get our hands dirty.

*Crafty projects. I don't have anything major in the works, just a few low-key, fun things to keep my hands busy and my mind off of the annoyances in my life.

*The latest Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie comes out this week and our whole clan is looking forward to it. We don't go to the theatre very often but we can all agree on the Wimpy Kid.

*The sound of the girl singing her new (to her) favorite song, Don't Put Another Dime in the juke box. Although she sings it, "Don't put another dime in the juicebox."

*A visit from a friendly friend. Shortly after we moved here I became close with the woman who lived below. Because things can never go too well in my life, she soon moved to Bend, three hours away. But we've remained in contact via Facebook, she'll be in town this week for spring break, and I'm excited to see her.

Happy First Day of Spring. With all the mayhem in the world right now-both far away and closer to home, I hope you all have a few positive bits to keep you smiling.

Randomness

2011-03-16T14:02:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness, it feels wonderful to get back into blogging regularly. I've been so hit and miss since the beginning of the year and this month in particular has been bad. But I didn't realize how much I not only miss the process, but need it for my own sanity. I'm not one to spend a lot of time on the phone, and it sometimes takes me days to type out an email, so when I can get on here and vent and then be hit with so many supportive comments, emails, and the occasional phone call, it really is just a wonderful thing. The mood I was in Monday night before going to bed was drastically different than the mood I was in when I woke up. I now feel silly for putting off talking about it as long as I had, but the whole thing just made me feel cruddy, overwhelmed, and alone.

*As evidence of my cruddy feeling, I've cried three times in the past four days. Once in the shower so no one could see me, once in front of my son, and once in front of Jay. Three body shaking, splotchy face-making cries. The first cry felt kinda good, the second one felt less good. By the third time, I just felt like a loser who needed to pull herself together.

*After meeting with the behaviour coach and discussing the program, we've decided to go ahead with it. I'm still not real keen on the at-home aspect of it, but it's only one hour a week for seven weeks. I think I can go ahead and take one for the team with this one, especially considering that the girl is super excited about the whole thing. (Because she's a spaz.) The home portion is going to involve some activities with the girl and then some tips and solutions for me and Jay. This is the part that makes me feel like a loser, like I'm 15 and taking parenting classes. I mean, I've been a stay at home mom for almost 13 years now, shouldn't I have this figured out? BUT, at the same time I think as parents it's easy to fall into a rut of doing what just works, instead of doing what works well. Plus, I have to admit that I'm pretty thrilled that I live in an area where a program like this is even offered. To my knowledge there is no similar program in Florida, and if there is, it probably wouldn't have been for a kid like Lucy. It would have been more for the kids who bring guns or drugs to school.

*The speech therapist believes that the girl's stutter is developmental. Basically, her neurological system isn't ready for all the language that she's trying to say. She also feels that, at this age, therapy isn't necessary and that the stutter will most likely disappear one day in the not to distant future. This is all very good news.

In book news:

*I finished Never Let Me Go and it was wonderful. I don't think I'll be reviewing it here though because the mental state I was in while reading it was not the best and every time I try to write about the book my mind draws a blank. But I will say that it was beautifully written and that it was slow moving in the best possible way. The subject matter was dark but the way it was all presented was calm and peaceful. Just a fascinating read all around.

*I've been trying to read The Lacuna. It's just not happening. I think I've read the same twenty pages over and over again. Because I normally love Barbara Kingsolver, I'm not real sure what the problem is. I think maybe it's just too heavy for me right now. I should probably just give up on it and maybe revisit it later.

*Along that line, yesterday I received a book in the mail that I had won via a contest on Goodreads that I don't remember entering. It's called Haunting Jasmine and it's not a book I would have normally picked out (it's straight up chick lit) but the funny thing is that I'm totally engrossed in it. It's simple and silly and just completely suiting my mood. I'll definitely be reviewing it here sometime next week.

Blech.......

2011-03-14T15:09:00.000-04:00

It's been one of those weeks. And it's only Monday.

It's parent/teacher conference time again. I haven't set up the boy's conference yet because I can look up his grades online and except for the ever present "F" in Algebra, there is nothing to be too concerned about. His teacher has already informed me that he'll have to take Algebra again next year because the ability to understand it involves a different way of thinking and she says that his brain just "hasn't made that switch yet." Which I understand, I suppose. But I'm not at all comforted by the fact that I still don't understand Algebra so obviously my brain still hasn't made that switch. Sigh.

But. The girl. The girl. The girl. The girl. Here's the thing: I have no illusions about my children. I know their strengths and weaknesses and I don't try to cover them up and pretend they don't exist. We all have strengths and weaknesses, that's what makes us human. I know the girl likes to talk and doesn't like to follow directions. These are things that we are constantly (daily, hourly....) working on. But when I asked the teacher if Lucy is ever a behaviour problem in class and she said, "Well....she can be", it was kind of a shock.

She said that the girl is never mean nor is she really a troublemaker, but she talks a lot (yep) and she "has trouble staying on task." When I asked her if any of this effects her ability to learn she said, "Oh, absolutely not. She's incredibly smart. She's a very fluent reader and I can tell that her brain is constantly in action." She also went on to say that the girl is a total free spirit who thinks for herself. All good things. But it's hard to focus on the good when she's disrupting her classmates and can't keep her butt still during circle time. When I asked the girl about all this she said that circle time is "boring" and that she knows all her letters and sounds. This may be true, but it certainly doesn't mean that she can keep her friends from learning. (I really hate it when parent's justify their kid's misbehaviour by saying that the child is "smart" and "just bored." Whatever. Kindergarten is 2 1/2 hours long, it's not going to kill her to be bored for a few minutes.)

So now I have another conference with the teacher tomorrow to try and work out a behaviour plan for the girl. There is a program here offered by the school system where a behaviour coach would meet with Lucy at school and for an hour a week at home. Her teacher said that Lucy isn't really the typical candidate for that program (I guess because she's only mildly naughty, not awfully naughty) but she sees no reason why she wouldn't benefit from it. Anyway, I'll find out more about that program tomorrow and then decide if it's right for us. I don't know how I feel about being the parent of a child who needs the behaviour coach to come home with them. Actually, I do know how I feel. I feel shitty. I feel like a shitty, shitty parent. But I may be making it out to be more than it is. We'll see.

Lucy is also supposed to meet with a speech therapist later this week to see if she needs therapy for her stutter. Her stutter is an odd thing. It comes and goes and she doesn't do it at all when reading. Her teacher seems to think that because she is such a verbal kid, that the stutter really only shows itself when she wants to talk but hasn't yet mentally decided what exactly it is that she wants to say. If this is the case, then it will go away as she matures. While I tend to agree with the teacher's initial assessment, I'm excited to see what the therapist has to say.

In other girl related news:

*She downloaded a nasty trojan virus to our desktop computer. Jay's going to have fun fixing that over the coming days.

*Because of the occasional accident, she still wears Pull Ups to bed, but she hates the feeling of a wet one so after she goes in it, she wakes up and changes her Pull Up. I told her she had to stop doing this because some nights we were going through as many as 3 Pull Ups. Of course she didn't stop, she just started hiding the pissed in Pull Ups. I found dirty Pull Ups all over her room. In the shopping cart, the pretend oven, the toy bin, etc.

So yeah, this one has been keeping me on my toes lately. I have been completely drained and exhausted, which is why I've been MIA around here. But spring break will be here next week and to say I'm looking forward to it is an understatement.

Book Review: White Oleander

2011-03-08T13:41:00.000-05:00

Wow. This book. Oh my. When I first began reading this I was initially motivated by all of your strong and differing opinions about the story. But as I read more, the story itself was what compelled me to keep reading. In the end though, I have mixed thoughts about it. First though, a short synopsis. (Also, since so many of you have read the book or seen the movie, I'm not going to worry about giving away key details. So if you haven't read it and want to, be warned.)

Astrid Magnussen is the only child of beautiful poet Ingrid Magnussen. Ingrid's beauty and charm pull people in but it isn't long before they see her true personality. Ingrid is narcissistic, selfish and cruel. She's a woman who would sit for hours and write lists of ways to hurt people. (Spread a malicious rumor. Let a beloved old person's dog out of the yard. Suggest suicide to a severely depressed person. Tell a child it isn't very attractive or bright.) One of the people to quickly fall under Ingrid's spell is Barry Kolker and the two begin dating. When Barry attempts to break the relationship off, Ingrid starts harassing Barry-breaking into his home, destroying possessions, and eventually murdering him with the poison from the white oleander.

Ingrid is imprisoned for murder and Astrid gets shifted from foster home to foster home where various despicable things happen: a sexual relationship with a fifty year old man, performing sexual acts for marijuana, getting shot by one of her foster mothers, being starved by another foster mother, etc. Eventually Astrid is placed in a home with ex-actress Claire and her husband. Claire encourages Astrid to take honors classes and sign up for art courses at the local museum. Finally, Astrid is loved and doted on and just when she's starting to believe she may have a bright future, she's blindsided by Claire's suicide.

She's next sent to MacLaren Children's Center where kids go when, for whatever reason, they can't be placed in homes. The conditions are not much better than her past foster homes, but it's here where she meets Paul Trout, a like minded soul who she remains in contact with into adulthood.

Her next and final home before she turns 18 is with crazy Russian Rena Grushenka. Rena makes her living by fostering numerous teenage girls who all work together to cull things from dumpsters and various trash piles to later sell them at swap meets and flea markets. Rena has no intention of being a mother to any of the girls. Drugs and booze are everywhere and school is only an option, not a requirement. It isn't the best home, but Rena does provide a
certain amount of stability.

Through all these years, Astrid has remained in contact with her mom through letters and the occasional visit. She sees her as the cold and manipulative woman that she is. But now, right before Astrid's 18th birthday, her mother's new lawyer contacts her. She wants Astrid's help in getting Ingrid out of prison. Astrid has to decide whether or not to help. And if she does help, what impact will it have on her own future?

Okay. My thoughts. (So much for proper sentence structure. Excuse the fact that this is the most poorly written book review, but I read the book in about a week and the whole thing was kind of overwhelming and I just want to purge this book from my soul and move on. Sigh.) Anyway, I liked the book in that it was well written, the characters were interesting, and I wanted to see where the story was going to go and what would eventually happen to all the characters.

What I didn't like about the story was the cavalcade of bad things that kept happening to Astrid. After a while it felt gratuitous. (Eventually, it started to remind me somewhat of She's Come Undone, which is another book I didn't like for the very same reason.) It's not that I don't think that bad things happen to people, but I do believe that at some point you have to stop seeing yourself as a victim and I have little sympathy for people who repeatedly put themselves in situations where they can be victimized.

For instance, there was a turning point in the book where I stopped sympathizing with Astrid. It was when she was at MacLaren Children's Center and she was being interviewed by prospective foster parents. She could have chosen to go with a stable, older couple but instead she chose Rena because she was familiar with what Rena had to offer. This was where I stopped feeling much for Astrid because I felt at that point she was choosing to remain a victim. I know it sounds harsh but I have very little tolerance for that victim mentality.

Also, I didn't love the ending. I felt as if the last chapter was very rushed. We find out Astrid is living in Berlin with Paul Trout, but not much is said about how they got to that point. I felt like the author spent a lot of time and thought on the first 400 pages of the book and then slapped out the last 30 pages in a half an hour.

All in all, even though I didn't love this book and thought it was a downer, I'm glad I finally read it. It's one of those books that's popular enough that I should have an informed opinion about it. (As a side note, after finishing the book, I wanted to see if Daphne had blogged about it. I already knew that she hadn't loved the book and she and I have discussed our shared hatred of She's Come Undone so I wasn't at all surprised to see that she had already come to the same conclusion I had.)

Next up on the nightstand: Never Let Me Go

Silver Falls

2011-03-04T11:57:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago the family and I drove to Silver Falls state park. I was going to write about it sooner but I was worried this was becoming Tammie's Blog of Waterfalls and that I may be boring you, but then I got over it. I like waterfalls and there are a lot of them around here, so you may just want to get used to it.A view from behind the waterfall:Silver Falls is one giant park but it seems more like a bunch of smaller connected parks. The most exciting feature (for us, anyway) is the Trail of Ten Falls, which is an eight mile hiking trail that passes by all the falls. We didn't do the whole hike, choosing to drive to various falls and then doing shorter hikes around the falls. The girl just can't do an eight mile hike yet.
The weather the day we went was pretty cold and there were still clumps of snow on leaves and branches and along the paths.My son, who otherwise has a habit of being quite lazy, always takes the long and rough route when hiking: In between waterfall viewing, we stopped at the lodge to warm up and eat some snacks. Which, for the girl was a popsicle, oddly enough. This shot was taken right before she spilled half a bottle of red Gatorade on my pant leg. Because you know, no day of family togetherness can ever be too perfect. Jay and I were thinking that the next time we go clothes shopping it may be wise to invest in some actual outdoor-type clothing so we don't have to hike in our street clothes. This last time they got so muddy I had to wash our jeans twice before they came clean. We'll definitely be heading back to Silver Falls. One of the fun aspects of moving somewhere completely different from where you've been your whole life, is that it takes a long time to get sick of all the sights. We're coming up on the one year anniversary of our move and everything is still so new to us. I was talking to another mother yesterday about the gorgeous sights in Oregon and she was saying how waterfalls aren't that exciting to her son anymore, they're old hat. I guess I can understand this, because that's how my family feels about beaches, swamps, and alligators.

I don't know what our plans are for this weekend, but I have a newspaper here with a hiking article in it and the destinations are calling my name. Happy trails!

Book Review:: Winter's Bone

2011-03-01T09:09:00.001-05:00

Ree Dolly has one dream and that's to escape her life and join the army. At only 16, she's dropped out of high school so that she can take care of her two younger brothers and her mother, who is suffering from such a deep depression that she's nearly catatonic. Ree's father, Jessup, can't be relied upon. He spends most of his time gone from the family, either out having affairs, doing meth, or cooking up meth in various makeshift labs set up in abandoned homes in the wilderness of the Ozarks.

Given Jessup's habit of being gone for long stretches of time without anyone knowing his whereabouts, no one really worries about him. Until Deputy Baskin shows up and explains to Ree that not only does her father have a court date in a week, but that Jessup has used the house for his bond. If he doesn't show up for court, Ree and her family will be homeless. Ree has a week to either find her father and make him show up for court, or prove that he's dead.

Ree immediately sets out to find her dad, coming into contact with many of her extended family members, some helpful, some not, most just plain creepy. There are a lot of Dolly's in Ree's neck of the woods and how they are all related to one another can be sketchy, so there's definitely the suggestion of a certain amount of inbreeding. Plus, since meth is the family business, the whole clan has been working outside the confines of the law for years. Needless to say, Ree has to put herself in a few dangerous situations in order to find the truth about her father.

This isn't the type of book I would normally read, but Jay read it first and then suggested I do the same. Simply put, I liked it. I didn't think I would because I am so done with the south and don't really have any desire to read about backwoods hill people, but the book was beautifully written and the story was engrossing and easy to follow. At only 190 pages and with many chapters being only a page or two, this is just a small slip of a book that's easy to pick up and put back down again when an annoying child comes up to you demanding something. But the suspense of the story is enough so that you can't wait for the moment you can pick it up again.

I definitely would consider this book a must read, even if it doesn't sound like your cup of tea. It only took me a few days to read it, but certain parts of it will remain with me for quite some time. Also, it's been made into a critically acclaimed movie, although I think I'll pass on that. The suspense of the book was more than enough for me, I don't think I could handle the film.

Next up on the nightstand, White Oleander.

Adventures in Parenting

2011-02-25T14:36:00.003-05:00

On Tuesday the girl came home with this yellow car:

It's not unusual for the girl to come home with the occasional odd trinket. There's a treasure box in the classroom and the kids are rewarded for good behaviour by getting to choose from it. But that's usually reserved for Friday and the prizes are more along the lines of pencils, stickers, etc. So I said, "Hey, cool car, where did you get it?" To which the girl says, "Oh, so and so gave it to me."

Now, I know the so and so she's referring to and I don't see her as the type to be handing out her toys to her classmates, so I become suspicious. I ask my daughter flat out if she took the car from the classroom. She insists she didn't so I drop the conversation and we continue walking home.

As the week goes on, I keep seeing that little yellow car around the apartment and I just don't like it. It makes me feel bad and guilty like I'm evading the IRS or harboring a fugitive. But I try to not think about it. There's no way my little angel is a thief!

Friday comes around. I pick the girl up from school. She has this in her hands:

WTF!?

As we're walking home I ask her where she got it and she replies, " A different so and so gave it to me." I flip over the car to see the brand is Viking Toys, and that it was made in Sweden. So then I ask, "Oh yeah, where did he get it?"

That little liar looks me right in the eye and says, "Mcdonalds."

ALL THE WAY home I ask her over and over if she might have taken it from the classroom. She swears up and down that the car was given to her. We get home, I place the car on the shelf, right next to the other half of the girl's ill gotten booty, and I call Jay. At this point, even though I have my proof, I'm still clutching to the idea that my daughter isn't a law breaker. Never one to mince words though, Jay says, "Yeah, she's a thief. Those cars need to be returned."

I figured I'd give her one last chance. I place both cars in front of her and I get down to her level and I very seriously say, "On Monday I'm going to go into your class and ask your teacher if these cars are hers. If they are, you are going to be in BIG TROUBLE. But, if you confess now, I won't punish you this time."

She immediately blurts out, "They belong in the classroom. I accidentally took them."

Accidentally? That's an interesting word choice.

So now we're spending the rest of the afternoon discussing stealing. And how even though you may really, really want that rockin' pink jeep, you can't just wrap your sticky fingers around it and take it home.

Giveaway Winner

2011-02-25T11:13:00.003-05:00

I wanted to take a moment to thank you all for your comments on yesterday's post. We really are excited to have officially closed the Florida chapter of our lives. Now we can really start getting our financial house in order again, and that's a good feeling.

Anyway, I popped over to Random.org this morning and it chose #6, which was Dawn. Dawn, Kashoan will be contacting you shortly with the specifics of your win.

Snow Day Randomness

2011-02-24T11:50:00.000-05:00

This morning, the Portland area woke up to this:Our first winter here in Oregon has been quite mild, but we had been hearing about the impending 'snowstorm' for about a week now. The big flakes started around 8 last night and the kids got jumpy and excited, hoping for a snow day. Then it stopped and we all went to bed. I woke up at 3:30 and looked out the window. Nothing. But sometime between 3:30 and 6:30, snow fell, and was still falling while we drank our morning coffee.The snow day wish was granted. Although a lot of long time Oregonians grumble about the way this area sort of shuts down when a little bit of snow falls, I like it. I enjoy the laziness of a snow day. It's as if the universe is giving you a free pass to do nothing. The girl is watching TV and the boy is off making snow day mischief with his buddies. I like knowing they're close by. Of course, the sun is shining bright and the snow is steadily melting, so things will be back to normal tomorrow I'm sure.

In other news:

*Jay and I officially no longer own a home in Florida. The closing date was this morning. Even though things ended badly and we made no money, I really do have to consider myself lucky. When we took our paperwork into the bank here to get everything notarized, our bank guy said, "Wow! You sold a house in Florida?!? That's amazing." Plus, Jay pulled the records of recently sold homes in our old neighborhood and some of them are selling for ridiculously low amounts, like $88,000. I shouldn't be surprised about this because there are homes down in south Florida that are selling for $30,000. It's just insanity. But we're done, and I consider that something to smile about.

*I have about six craft projects in the works and no desire to really complete any of them at the moment. I hate it when that happens.

*In the past two days I've eaten an entire jar of salsa. I made Amy Karol's Magic Sauce and I've been putting it on just about everything. I'll admit it looks sort of like barf, but the taste is amazing. Even Jay likes it, and I was scared to share the recipe with him. There's something you all should know about our household: I do the everyday, keep-us-alive, food prep but if we want the tasty stuff, Jay does the cooking. Jay likes to cook and he's good at it. He's so good at it that when he works a lot and I feed the kids more than a few days in a row, they start to seriously grumble to me about the lack of 'real food.' (Since when is a grilled cheese sandwich and an applesauce cup not real food?) Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I don't always like to talk to Jay about new recipes because he looks at me condescendingly as if to say, Whatever, you silly girl. Go back to your books and your Alec Baldwin dvd's and leave me to make the real food. But even he loves the Magic Sauce, so it must be good.

*Don't forget to enter the giveaway. The winner will be announced tomorrow.

Krafty Kash:: Interview and Giveaway

2011-02-21T07:39:00.002-05:00

I first met Kashoan through the blog. We instantly hit it off but I would say we've grown closer in the last year or so. Kashoan has two important qualities that I require in a friend: 1.) She has endless patience for hearing me grumble about my kids/husband/life and 2.) She is not above advocating a mid afternoon glass of wine as a temporary cure to the days problems.

Aside from those very positive attributes, she's quite crafty and has a growing Etsy shop. When she contacted me about doing a giveaway, I was honored to help out. But before we get to that, I thought I'd interview Kashoan a bit and give you all a glimpse of the gal behind the shop.

How long have you been crafting, what made you start, and what type of craft did you start with?

I can remember doing small crafts as a kid and loving it. I have a ceramic puppy that I made in kindergarten. I painted him brown and carefully did his little tongue red. This is still at my Mom's house, it was a gift to her. I'm thinking I should take this back. :)

How has your crafting changed over the years?

My crafting has improved dramatically. In fact, I might be able to start a craft fail blog with old pictures. Some "lovely" projects include: modge podging a teddy bear puzzle, framing it, and hanging it; placing a kitchen towel in an embroidery hoop, gluing ribbon on the outside of the hoop, and adding a bow at the top. Those are just a couple of the great ones. No autographs please.

Who or what is your biggest creative influence?

Growing up, my Grandma Houghtelling loved to craft. She always made the best stuff for everyone at Christmas. She is great with a sewing machine. I always admired this as a kid. One summer, she taught me how to do a hook rug. I've been doing some sort of crafting since.

What is your favorite form of craft and why?

I'm known for trying new crafts all the time. I get bored doing the same thing over and over. Right now, I'm really into knitting, It helps me calm the urge to snack or beat my children, and I get a cute scarf when I'm done.

What's next on your list of things to try?

I'm getting ready to try a project from a book called Eco Craft. I'm a big fan of recycling, I try to reuse what I can, and this book has some cool projects.

Thanks Kashoan, for letting me snoop through your crafty past a bit. And I must say, I kinda want to see a picture of the dish towel in the embroidery hoop.

Now for the giveaway.

The Krafty Kash Etsy shop is heavily focused on accessories right now because as Kashoan puts it, "I like to wear very simple clothes like jeans and a black tee shirt and then spice it up with something fun like jewelry, a scarf, or a funky barrette."

Kashoan wants to pass her style on to one lucky reader by generously offering a button ring and a rosette hair clip from her Khloe collection. Just pop on over to the shop then come back here and leave a comment telling us what you like, and you'll be entered to win. A winner will be announced on Friday.

Krafty Kash on Etsy

Kashoan's blog

And There You Have It

2011-02-18T15:53:00.000-05:00

So, it's raining here. And has been for about four days. The ground is so wet that if you stand in one spot for too long, your feet sink in as if you're standing in quicksand. Fine, whatever. I truly like the rain and I've gotten used to the mud.

This afternoon I look at the clock and realize that I need to take the dogs out. So I hook the leash on Liz and grab my keys, figuring I'd check the mail while I'm over that way. After Liz did her business and after checking the mail, we're heading home when the girl suggests we take the "short cut" home. The short cut is basically just the well maintained field in the middle of the apartment complex. We walk through the short cut all the time when the weather is clear but I try to avoid it when it's rainy because there tends to be a lot of standing water and mud.

For some stupid reason I said "Sure, let's take the shortcut." What could possibly happen, right? We're walking along when something startled my (very wimpy) dog. I'm not sure what it was. Maybe she heard a train or a truck in the distance or maybe someone somewhere was just ripping off a sheet of tin foil because that has the same effect on her as a train coming down the tracks. Whatever the case, she got spooked, took off running and pulled me down into the mud.

I yelled for the dog to stop and then I stood up, wet and covered in mud from head to toe. I gathered up my mail, which had flown all over the common area. I walked back home, near tears.

Now I'm home. I've showered and changed. I've scraped the mud off of the cover of Jay's Esquire magazine. (It's a good cover too! I'm sorry Liam Neeson.) I've had a therapeutic cry. The kind of cry that comes after the horrifically perfect ending to an exhausting week. I've cleaned the mud off of everything I was wearing, including, inexplicably my bra. (Not sure how that happened. Did my boob fall out of my shirt when I tried to catch myself from falling?? Do I need to add insult to injury and just assume that all my neighbors saw my sensible beige granny bra?)

I'm calling it quits for the week. I went to the grocery store today. I have enough food and wine to get me through the weekend. I'm going to hole up in my apartment, read my book and watch my Netflix dvd. After I clean the mud off of it.

If everything goes as planned, I'll be back on Monday with a giveaway. Have the loveliest of weekends.

Random Thoughts

2011-02-16T13:13:00.000-05:00

My life is odd in that most of the time it's very monotonous and routine. But then every six weeks or so, I have a week where every day is just filled with appointments, volunteer things, and important errands that need to be done and it always completely throws me because I'm so used to my day in-day out life. That's where I'm at this week so it's definitely time for some randomness up in here.

*I hope everyone had a lovely Valentines Day. Jay and I kept it very low-key by just going to Applebee's, the highlight for me being the $4 Long Island Iced Teas. I know Applebee's is kinda lame but it's close and we just wanted to get away from the kids for a while.

My Valentines gift to the family was a few bars each of Komforte Chockolates. The french toast was the favorite flavor amongst the kids while I think Jay preferred the tortilla lime and salt. Anyway, whatever flavor you prefer, I highly recommend them. The taste is unique and the chocolate itself is good chocolate, not the cheap stuff.

*Jay and I watched Inception last night and I can't stop thinking about it. It's rare that I break down and actually buy a movie but I might have to purchase this one because I want to watch it again. Plus, I think I may be developing a crush on Joseph Gordon-Levitt, although he's five years younger than me, so just a wee boy.

*Tuesday we made a few trips to the DMV to get our car tags and Oregon driver's licenses. The first time we were sent away because we didn't have the title to the car. ( I know, I should have known I'd need that.) After digging through the file cabinet for over and hour, I finally found it. I have a very elaborate and organized filing system that I have no problem maintaining other than the fact that I always forget what I file things under. For instance if I want to file some medical paperwork of mine, it could very easily be under D for doctor, H for health, I for insurance, or T for Tammie. If the doctor's visit was gynecologically related, I might file it under G for gyno, V for vagina, or if I'm feeling creative, L for lady parts. The title to the car was under B. I have no idea why.

Anyway, we ended up being able to get our tags but not our licenses because we both needed to bring in state issued birth certificates. Jay can't find his and mine is hospital issued. So we both had to come back home and order copies of our birth certificates from our original birth states. Jay was born in New York and the website from which he ordered his certificate was very professional and the fee was $50. I, of course was born in Florida and the website seemed somewhat hokey and was possibly run by farm animals. And the cost was $9. Do you ever come across something so cheap that you question the validity of it. That's the feeling I had yesterday as I was writing out my check. Yep, I had to print out the form and send a check because the Florida website doesn't process credit cards. I have very little faith that I'll ever see my birth certificate. (So yeah, word of advice, if the only birth certificate you have has your little baby footprints on it, it's hospital issued and you might want to go ahead and order a real one now because you'll need it eventually.)

*Last week I was sort of lectured by another mother when I did something parenting related that clearly she disagreed with. Has this ever happened to any of you? On the one hand, my first thought when this happened was, "Mind your own business and fuck off, fuck face." But I haven't yet reached that level of development as a human where I can so quickly and openly tell people off so I just smiled and nodded. And the thing is, even though we don't see eye to eye when it comes to parenting, I basically like this other mother and don't want to lose her as a friend, so calling her a fuck face would probably be out of the question anyway. It was a weird situation and things were kinda tense between us for a while but it's mostly blown over since then, but I'd still love to know if any of you have ever had similar experiences.

Destination Walking

2011-02-13T16:48:00.001-05:00

Today as I was trying to figure out what to prepare for dinner I came to the realization that no matter what I decided on, a trip to the store would have to be made. But we're a one car household here (and have been for almost 15 years!) and Jay was at work and wouldn't be back until close to nightfall. Usually when this happens, I text him a message asking that he stop at the store on the way home. As I was typing out the text it occurred to me that there really was no reason I couldn't go to the grocery store myself, you know, by way of my feet.

Even though I knew it takes less than 5 minutes to get to the grocery store in the car, I Google mapped it anyway just to find out the exact distance. Right about one mile. Once I saw that it was only one mile, I almost felt guilty debating whether or not to walk it. Seriously, when did one mile become such a big deal? Plus, it wasn't as if I would be buying something heavy like a gallon of milk or a 25 pound bag of dog food, I needed taco fixings. Carrying home taco fixings wouldn't even give me an upper body workout. So I grabbed my shopping bag and the girl and headed out the door.

A mere twenty minutes later, we were at the store. Only twenty minutes. Again, why was I ever even debating whether or not to do this? And that's walking at the pace of a six year old. I'm a pretty fast walker and had I been by myself I probably could have done it much quicker. We wandered around the store a while, got the things we needed, and left. The entire trip took about an hour and a half.

Now granted, I couldn't do this all the time. Some days I just don't have the time to devote to a shopping trip that would take only 10-15 minutes in the car. But I could do it some days. And I was thinking about it, and there are a few other places I frequent that I could walk to. The library: 1.2 miles. Starbucks: 1 mile. The farmers market (come late spring): 1.2 miles. The post office: 0.9 miles. There really is no reason I couldn't work at least one walking trip a week into my schedule.

Back in Florida, everything was spread out in such a way that I really couldn't walk anywhere other than my neighborhood or the elementary school. Even if I had hours to devote to a walk to the store, I would have to cross busy roads filled with lanes and lanes of drivers that just weren't used to seeing people walking. Here, walking is a bit more common and drivers are courteous and aware of walkers and bikers.

I'll admit that at first walking made me feel vulnerable and exposed. But that's silly really. My car never really made me safer. Although I have no facts to support it, I imagine I'd be more likely to die in a car accident than I would be to die on the well maintained sidewalks of a virtually crime free suburb. And as for that exposed feeling, well, my car has never made me invisible either. It's just easy to fool myself into thinking it does so that I don't feel like a dork when I drive through town scratching my boobs and singing Rocket Man at the top of my lungs.

So now I'm curious, do any of you ever walk with a fixed destination in mind? If so, where do you walk to and what do you consider a reasonable walking distance? If you don't walk, why? And do you wish you could?

The Return to Oxbow Park

2011-02-08T09:29:00.001-05:00

I know so many of you have been experiencing some horrendous weather lately and I'm sorry for that. But here in the Portland area it's been rather pleasant. Not too cold, not too rainy, and with the occasional snippet of sunshine hanging around just long enough to warm the bones. This past Sunday we decided to take advantage of the lovely weather and head back to Oxbow Park.

We first visited Oxbow back in October and I'm determined to experience it at least once every season, just to take note of the changes. This time, everything was even more lush and green than before. The rainy season does wonders for this place.The last time we were here we saw dozens of deer. This time, there were hardly any. In fact, we only saw two on the way into the park. (Do deer go somewhere else in the winter? Is that a stupid question that I should know the answer to?) There were though, a lot of moss covered trees.Time spent out in the woods refreshes us and recharges our family battery. I see this most with my son who is such a nature child although he probably isn't self aware enough yet to realize or admit it. He's often complaining to me about how so much of popularity at school is based on how well you do at organized sports. In his words, "Even the dumb and ugly kids are popular if they're on a team." And as hard as he tries, that just isn't him. But out in the woods he doesn't have to worry about that. He puts away his Ipod and turns off his phone. He's able to do his own thing, test his own limits, and there are no popularity contests.I talk a lot about how being outside positively effects my kids, but I've been learning so much about myself too. I've never been what anyone would describe as 'outdoorsy' but I'm really starting to love spending chunks of time lost in nature with my family. I don't have to think or worry, there are no distractions and we can all just be.

I love the saying of Peggy's husband, "Nature is my church and my soul couldn't live without it."*In this last photo we were trying to get a shot similar to the one that was my previous header, but sadly the path we were on when Jay had taken that shot has been washed away, which you can see in the lower right hand corner. Oh well, it was a good lesson about erosion.