Friday, January 10, 2014

January 9, 2014

Every few days I pull up this account and I write. Sentences, maybe a few paragraphs, but they never really amount to much. So, I lay my finger on the delete button and watch the cursor as it speeds back to the top of the page.

Truth be told, I really don't know what I'm doing here. This blog, in its current incarnation, isn't who I am anymore and the things I want to write about just don't seem to fit in this space. The person I am now is very different from the person I was when I started this blog in February of 2008, almost six years ago. I no longer need to document every moment of my, or my family's, life. I don't have the desire to take a photo of each thing I sew, crochet, or bake. (Although maybe I should because I've made some fucking awesome cakes lately.) I don't have the time to devote to reviewing books anymore, although I still read a lot and miss having people with whom to discuss those books. When I'm with the kids, I find myself taking pictures of them less and less. They don't want to be my subjects anymore, and frankly, I'm in a spot in my life where they aren't my sole focus.

So, where does that leave this blog? I'm not sure. I've thought of starting a new blog but I think I'm just too lazy. Do you know how long it took for me to come up with the half assed name for this blog?! I don't know if I can be expected to do that twice in one lifetime. Plus, as disjointed as it feels, I like the fact that this wee corner of the internet chronicles the changes in my life.


For the second year in a row, my family hung out with Visty and her clan on New Year's Eve. We ate fatty foods and drank rum runners before going on our (now annual) late night walk in which we do obnoxious things such as sneaking into people's yards to photograph ourselves amongst their Christmas lights.

But before the walk, Visty snapped this picture of me:
Now, the fact that I look more human than troll-like in this picture has a lot to do with Visty's skill as a photographer. But when my dear friend Dawn saw it, she said, "It's the best picture of you I've ever seen. You look beautiful and happy." This is amazing coming from Dawn because she is one of the few people on the planet who knows of my long history of being the subject of wretched pictures.

But Dawn, in her infinite wisdom, stumbled upon something: I'm happy. I like my life. Right now, is probably the most relaxed I've ever been, and for me, relaxed translates quite quickly to happy.  I like my family and my job. I have the usual hobbies and interests that keep me busy. And the people in my life right now? They all truly make me happy.

I'd like to say with certainty that, starting right now, I'll be blogging here regularly again. But experience has taught me that time and circumstance will get in the way. I'll be tired, or bored, or have writers block.

But this post right here? It's a step.


Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

So nice to see you Tammie.
I am considering closing up my blog. we'll see.

You do look happy and you sound so well. I am truly happy for you!

It's only going to get better...remember what I said about the 40's?! :-)

Nowheymama said...

I think a lot of us are struggling with this sort of thing right now.

It's so good to hear from you and see your fabulous long hair!

Visty said...

Have you seen that episode of Friends where Chandler and Monica try to get their engagement picture taken? You are Chandler. You ARE beautiful, and the reason I could get it is because you weren't saying to yourself, "I'm getting my picture taken".

Don't stop blogging. The one reason I shut down my old one and started a new one is because I dissociated from my family. I kind of wish I still had that one, since it would be almost 7 years old now. Oh well. I printed it! It's on my bookshelf.

You could get this printed, then change.

I love that you are happy. Still take pictures, though!

Liesl said...

I'm so glad you're in a good place in life right now. Often, doing and being are more important than documenting.

Cyndy @ Back in the Bush said...

I hope it's the first step of many. I'm nosy and like to know what's going on in your life. =D
I am very glad you are feeling so happy!

Carla E said...

Hi Tammie! I was thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were and then here you are. I'm glad to read that you are happy. I miss your posts but totally understand the absence. I debate regularly on whether to shut tmy ole blog down.
I'll keep reading as long as you keep posting!

Theresa said...

I love that you're happy in your life, in this moment! That is wonderful! I can truly relate to the blogging blahs. That would be why I haven't done much, if barely ANY of it in I guess close a year or more now. I'm hoping to get back into it, but only time will tell how far it goes.

Maria Rose said...

1. I love that photo, candid,r, beautiful!
2. I love your blog, However, whenever

hester said...

Hey Tammie....I hadn't checked in to your blog for a while and suddenly thought....ooh...wonder if Tammie is still blogging. I stopped posting ages ago but still look at it occasionally and, like you, love to have a record of a few years of my life. So glad that you are happy and relaxed. And that is a really gorgeous photo.

beki said...

Yes, your happiness clearly shows!

Anonymous said...

Oh hey look at that, there you are! I had asked recently for an update (selfishly really) because some(good) blogs are like reality tv for me. I like reading/seeing tidbits of people's family and work lives. Especially when they're scattered about far from where I live (massachusetts). It also doesn't hurt when there might be similar interests, politics, etc. I don't think I could keep up a blog well, so whatever you choose is perfectly understandable.

Oh man, I've fantasized about pretending to be pregnant again so someone might sympathy scoop my cat box.