Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Fifty Shades of Me

I thought this was fun and easy so I stole it from Cyndy who stole it from some other gal. Feel free to steal it from me if you're so inclined.

1.  What's your best friends Mom's name? My best friend is adopted and her mom passed on when we were in high school. I didn't spend a lot of time with her and can't remember her name but I know that I knew it at one time. God I am a horrible person. (Sorry Dawn! I love you!)

2.  Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? I'm extremely pale and will get a mole in any place that is exposed to the sun for too long. Now you know.

3.  Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? Sigh. Mr. Smith, 10th grade biology.

4.  Have you ever made out in a movie theatre? NO, and if anyone ever tries this shit with me they're gonna get an earful. Going to the movies is expensive and a make out session would keep me from getting my monies worth. (Note: The last time I went to the movies, I bought a bottle of water and two medium sodas and it was $14.75!)

5.  What body part do you wash first? I start at the top and work my way down. This is the correct way, fyi.

6.  Do you hover over the toilet in a public restroom? No, this is way too much work. And I haven't gotten any weird butt cheek disease yet.

7.  What's the strangest talent you have? Sadly,  I have no answer for this one. I can't think of any strange talents.

8.  Do you have an innie or an outie? Innie.

9.  What's your favorite flavored Pringles? I think that all Pringles taste like feet and I will not eat them.

10. Have you ever been tied up? If anyone's being tied up, it's not me.

11.  What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? That was a looong time ago, but I'm guessing it had something to do with me being a smart ass.

12.  Do you parallel park or drive around the block? Usually, drive around the block. I will parallel park if needed but it will take me ten minutes.

13.  Have you ever had two dates in one night? Ha! No. Only if Detective Robert Goren counts as a second date. Which he sometimes does......

14.  How many times have you been cussed out? Hmmm.....I honestly don't know if I have. If so it's been a while and any memory of it has been removed from my brain. (This activity has made me realize that I am hopelessly dull.)

15.  Which shoe do you put on first? Whichever is closest.

16.  I just noticed there is no 16. Hmmm...

17.  Have you ever been to a gay bar? No, and this needs to be changed. I know the right people and live in the right town. There is no excuse for this. I'm ashamed.

18.  Girls. This is not a question. Just want to have fun. Whatever you say.

19.  Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? I tend to like men with penises.

20.  Did you french kiss before you were 16. Sadly, no.

21.  Have you ever been cow tipping or snipe hunting? What? No. I don't even know what snipe hunting is.

22.  Who is the last person you think about before falling asleep? Right now, Stephen Colbert. I've been staying up way too late these days.

23. Have you ever had a poem/song written about you? Jay wrote a  poem for me one year for our anniversary. He can be good for stuff like that.

24.  If you had to choose to never wash your bed sheets or never wash your bath towel, which would you choose? First of all, what world am I living in where this is an issue? I'd choose towel. I can drip dry for a few seconds and then get into bed with my crisp, clean sheets.

25.  Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable? Yes, my parents. HA! Kidding.

26.  What was your childhood nickname? People used to call me Tamiami Trail, after a stretch of highway in Florida. I hated it.

27.  When is the last time you played air guitar? I have never done this.

28.  Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? It stinks in there. No.

29.  What's the weirdest thing you have ever done while driving? I am the safest driver you will ever meet. When I drive, the only thing I'm doing is driving.

30.  Have you ever bitten your toenails? Maybe as a kid. Not since I entered double digits though.

31.  How do you eat your cookie? By the fistful and before the kids get to them.

32.  When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? What? I have no idea what this means. Why would I wear a belt? And why would I go to the gym when there are fistfuls of cookies at home?

33.  Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do when others are around? Sing like I'm on a stage.

34.  Again, no 34. WTF?

35.  Or 35. Who edited this?

36.  How many drinks does it take to get you drunk? It depends on the drink. Two or three.

37.  Have you ever sniffed an animals butt? Willingly, no. But I'm a cat lover and cats love sticking their butt hole in your face.

38.  How often do you clean out your ears? Too often.

39.  Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? I have scrunched.  I have folded. Both are acceptable.

40.  About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie? Zero.  I free-vag it on an almost daily basis. Am I revealing too much?

41.  Do you have any strange phobias? I don't like the feeling of a dry sponge.

42.  Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? As a toddler I stuck a bead up my nose. When it didn't come out, my mom freaked and rushed me to the ER. The doctor pushed on my non-bead filled nostril and told me to blow out my nose. The bead flew out and I was sent on my way.

43.  What's the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? I don't do stupid things, anytime, anywhere. No, really, I just avoid bars. Except the gay ones, which I'm going to actively seek out some day soon.

44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted. No. I'm not 9. If i don't want to do something, I don't do it. It's one of the perks of being an adult.

45.  Have you ever called your love interest by someone else's (an ex's?) name?  No, and does this really happen? I think this is a fallacy perpetrated by the entertainment industry for comedic value. I know no one who this has ever happened to.

46.  Have you caught a date farting? I figure that since he puts up with the fact that I won't make out at the movies, I can turn a blind eye to the constant farting.

47.  Have you ever played naked Twister? No, much like toilet hovering and parallel parking, this seems like too much work. As a general rule, I avoid situations where I'll feel obligated to suck in my stomach.

48.  Have you ever been drunk at work? Nope, but I'm mildly drunk right now.

49.  Have you ever found your lover's brother/sister more attractive? No.

50.  Do you want to bring sexy back? Once again, this sounds like a lot of work and would involve me sucking in my stomach. I'm going to delegate this task to one of my minions.


Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

OMG this was too funny.
Your answers were a damn hoot.
Thx for the morning giggles.

Layrayski said...

5. What body part do you wash first? I start at the top and work my way down. This is the correct way, fyi.--I hear this question is supposed to reveal how you are as a lover hehee

Daphne said...

Oh Tammie, this totally cracked me up. I have to do this one. And yes gay bar: YES! Come here. We will go.

Liesl said...

Thank you. This was perfect.

Dawn said...

Love you too!