Saturday, April 7, 2012

Saturday April 7

I just picked up my camera hoping to find that I had taken some random lovely photo that could go with this blog post, but sadly there was nothing. I haven't been taking many photos lately. Actually, I haven't been doing much of anything creative lately. I'm finding that at the end of the day I don't have much energy left over. Truth be told, I'm having trouble finding balance and I don't know why. I don't work any harder or longer than anyone else, I don't parent any better than anyone else parents, but it feels as if I'm not doing anything exceptional. It seems like I spend all day attempting to keep the proverbial plates spinning only to have them come crashing down and shattering by nightfall. Then, the following morning, I pick up all the pieces and attempt to try it again. By the end of the day, nothing is how I want it. The apartment isn't clean enough, we've been eating too much garbage, I haven't exercised as much as I would like, and we're all at each others throats. Something is just off and I don't know what it is. Maybe just a rut? Does anyone else's family ever get this way?

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Last night I watched The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. What a movie! It's a few years old so I'm sure many of you have seen it but if not, it's definitely one to catch. It's the true story of Jean-Dominique Bauby who was left totally paralyzed by a massive stroke. He couldn't move anything but his left eye. The only form of communication he had was blinking. He eventually composed a book which he would dictate to his assistant one letter at a time. She would recite the alphabet and he would blink when she said the letter he wanted to use. I cannot imagine the kind of patience that took. I definitely want to read the book that the movie is based on.

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The girl starts gymnastics this week. If you know anything about me then you know that I'm never first in line to be signing my child up for any and every after school activity. ( Those types of things just don't fit in with my Lazy Parenting philosophy.) But I've been on the look out for something for her for a while now. I didn't want anything too expensive or high pressure, or anything that would involve a great deal of effort from me (sounds awful, but it's the truth) just something fun to keep her moving for a bit longer in the day. When I got the notice that the school was offering an after school gymnastics class, one day a week for eight weeks, I pounced on it. It was exactly what I was looking for. I'm excited to see if the girl will enjoy it.

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All week long people have been asking me if we (the family and I) are doing anything special for Easter. This seems so odd to me because I consider Easter to be a straight up religious holiday and these folks know that I'm not religious. I had no idea that non religious people loved it too, but I guess they do. Initially I had nothing planned but then I caved to all the peer pressure, bought some cheap plastic eggs, and halfheartedly filled them with candy and money. Tonight after the kids go to sleep, I guess I'll be hiding them. I had hoped to make a special Easter brunch or something but never got around to it so it's looking as if that's not going to happen. I don't know if I'll be doing this next year. Since none of it has any meaning to me, it just seems weird and pointless.

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As I sit here typing this, I'm watching my daughter play outside. She and about 6 friends all have sticks or Nerf guns. They're gathering together and then running in all directions. As I watch them, I can't help but wonder if they're playing The Hunger Games. I hope not.

4 comments:

Violet Marbles said...

what about as just a celebration of the season? The reason eggs and bunnies became so popular was that this was around the time of year that they started appearing everywhere. For us, "easter" is a straight up secular celebration, an excuse to eat lots of goodies and egg salad. LOL!

Daphne said...

Oh, the wide world of Holidays Which Used To Be Pagan Then Became Christian Then Became Secular. I don't really *celebrate* Easter but I like it. Bunnies, eggs, pretty colors, candy, and people rising from the dead. What's not to like?

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I love how you're just so honest about stuff like signing the girl up for an activity. I mean so many of us are like that, we just don't say it. lol I have such a love/hate with Elayna playing softball. I know it's good for her and I sometimes like socializing with the other moms, but sometimes I'd rather eat glass than sit at another effing practice!!!

Jaime said...

I deal with balance issues a lot and, unfortunatley, I haven't totally figured things out. Often, I remember something that one of my professors in grad school talked about (this time in my life was the ultimate test of trying to find balance). He called it his "good enough" theory.

To summarize his theory, it is okay to be good enough (and this is different for everyone). We put too many pressures on ourselves to be the best. For example, it is okay to get a B on a paper if it means that you spend less time on it and more time with your family. It's okay not to do the dishes if it means that you decide to spend that time being creative. It's okay that you don't make a gourmet meal because you needed the extra time to do other chores.

We can't do everything and we can't be everything to everyone. I think about it as choosing certain things over others - my choices & priorities are different every day. I didn't clean my bedroom this weekend but I did go to the beach, take a nap, talk to my mom and write. That's good enough for me. Tomorrow is another day.

P.S. Don't forget, it's a full moon as well. Full moons always affect me in some way - they are especially good at making me feel off or out of sorts.