Sunday, September 11, 2011

Sunday September 11

I've never been one to heavily dwell on negative things from my past. I deal with hardships as they arise and then I move on. I certainly don't forget about them. I conjure up those memories and emotions from time to time but I do it in a personal way. I never judge anyone by the way they grieve. Some people need the more outward display of grief and while that isn't my way, I totally get that it works for a lot of people.

Which brings me to September 11th. Everyone has a story about where they were that day and what they were doing and today is the day to share those stories. The sharing of those stories is one of the ways we are brought together as a nation. As for me personally, I won't be sharing my story. For one thing, it isn't that interesting, but the more important reason is that September 11th didn't directly effect me the way that it did so many people, so for me to talk specifics about that day.........well, there is just something about it that makes me feel icky, as if I'm piggy backing on someone's pain, someone with a real reason to grieve.

The events of September 11th frightened me and left me feeling vulnerable in ways I never had before. There were all these horrible, violent things taking place and the people in charge seemed powerless to stop it. It was an incredibly confusing, scary time. But, for as awful as I felt, I was lucky. I had my people with me. I didn't lose a parent, a child, a spouse, or a best friend, and I knew that I wasn't in immediate danger of losing them. All of my people were safe. Everything I know about September 11th, I learned from TV and newspapers. For that reason, I feel as if September 11th isn't my story to tell.

Moving on..........

Here in the Portland area, this September 11th was a hot one. I suppose our time had to come sooner or later. While just about everyone else in the country was dealing with a heat wave and record high temperatures, we here in the Pacific NW were quietly enjoying our 70 degree weather. Until this past week when the days grew hotter and brighter, with temps in the high nineties. I keep telling myself that fall will be here soon enough. But in order to make the here and now more bearable, we took the girl to one of the many city fountains. (Portland loves its fountains.)As the girl splashed around, Jay and I found a shady spot to sit in. We were chatting with a dog walker when a woman came by and handed us a card announcing a 9/11 candlelight vigil to be held at that park this evening.
For a brief moment I considered returning to the park this evening with the kids but ultimately decided against it. It's a school night and the event doesn't even begin until 8. Plus, the boy is like me and handles things in a more inward fashion and the girl is far too young to get the seriousness of the evening.

In this instance, a candlelight vigil just isn't our way. And I'm okay with that.

7 comments:

~ The Jolly Bee ~ said...

I did not even turn on the tv yesterday. I just didn't want to relive the horror of that day. I hear you.

hester said...

Hi Tammie - it was interesting (as a non-American) to read your thoughts on September 11. I have often wondered about how it has affected ordinary people and American culture and society in general. I remember going to a memorial service at lunchtime in a city park after it happened. There were Christian, Jewish, Buddhist and Muslim priests who said a prayer and then a big crowd of strangers all sang "Amazing Grace" together and it was so sad and beautiful that it made me cry.

Tammie said...

jodi: i didnt either. and the coverage was on every channel. if the tv was on, it was unavoidable.

hester: i have a feeling that last nights candlelight vigil would have had that effect on me.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I heard about your weather on TV and I thought of you.
You can keep those temps Tammie.

I agree with your 9/11....we didn't want to watch it.

Not Hannah said...

Kudos to you for listening to your heart. I, too, turned away from public displays yesterday. Of course, then I went all DISPLAY CRAZY today. Sigh. Anyway, peace to you. You rock.

Maria Rose said...

I feel similarly. I do realize that it was a wound for everyone, but my wound is less tangible than for those who were directly impacted by the horror and loss.

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

I didn't want to watch any of the coverage on Sunday. I live in DC and stupidly turned on the TV to get a weather update. Instead, I saw images of the Pentagon burning from 9/11. I quickly turned it off and went outside to check on the weather myself.