Tuesday, September 6, 2011

About the Teenage Boy

You may have noticed that my son doesn't pop up too often on the blog anymore. This is mainly because now that he is a wise adult man of 13, he doesn't want to participate in something so silly as "Mom's Blog." It all works out though, because his negative feelings towards my blog coincide nicely with my negative feelings towards him. See? There is a reason for everything.

Okay, I may be exaggerating a little bit. My son is basically a good kid and when it comes to the big things, he mostly aims to please and tries his best to stay out of trouble. Out of both of my children, he's the one most like me, we have a fairly easy relationship and he's always open with me, which I love. But sometimes lately I have a hard time thinking of anything nice to say about him. Being a teenager apparently means that if given the opportunity to piss me off, he's gonna piss me off. I spend a large portion of my time getting on to him for the same things over and over again. I hate repeating myself but yet it seems that me repeating myself is an integral part of our relationship. And I don't like that.

It's mostly just the usual kid stuff: Don't fight with your sister. Do your chores without me having to ask 10 times. Turn off the video games. Read more books. And so on and so forth and blah blah blah. As irritating as all that is, I can deal with it. What really bugs me though is that my son is incredibly lazy and mostly unmotivated. Not only does this piss me off, but it worries me as well. I don't want to raise a bum but it seems as if I am. Honest to god, it amazes me how little this child can do on a daily basis. Is this typical teenage boy behaviour? Will something just 'click' in his brain one day and he'll realize that all my nagging was done for the sole purpose of turning him into a respectable, responsible individual?

For his part, he doesn't think he's lazy and it's not as if he plans to live with us forever. He has this grand delusion that he'll find 'a job' where he has to work very little but yet gets paid very much. Jay and I have tried to explain to him that those jobs are quite rare and everyone in the world wants one. He's eyeing an intensely competitive job market.

I suppose a lot of what I'm feeling is frustration. And maybe a little disappointment. I'm frustrated because when it comes to teenage boys, I don't know what is normal and what is not. And if this isn't normal, I don't know how to fix it. I'm disappointed that I don't feel proud of my son on a daily basis. I don't know if I'm disappointed in him or myself. Maybe a little of both.

13 comments:

Shalet said...

From my experience your son is a typical teenaged boy. I say this as a mother to a fifteen-year-old who sounds oh so similar. I am hoping, hoping, hoping this laziness is a stage. Perhaps his body is growing and his brain hasn't caught up? Couldn't say. Anyway I empathize ...

Tammie said...

shalet: you have no idea how much it means to me that you took the time to leave that comment. when it comes to teenage boys, im at a total loss so just hearing another mothers opinion means a lot to me. especially if its from a mom who in my eyes, tries really hard to do the right thing.

~*Gumbo Soul*~ said...

I seem to remember a lot of the same sentiment coming from my mom about my younger brother. He lives on his own now and had a good job and works hard .... BUT he still brings his laundry home to my mom who dutifully washes it for him and then feeds him dinner and sends him back to his apartment. *L*

I think it's normal for teenagers of both genders to be lazy. Heck, I remember coming home from school and sleeping until dinner time just because I could. I'm sure he'll turn out just fine. After all, he has a great Mama.

Hotch Potchery said...

Not only was my son very lazy, he was also a huge.huge. slob. He is now working and in college, so we shall see. I honestly think 12-16 year old boys are just kind of nasty.

PS. I'm reading the book about Kevin.

Tammie said...

i am so glad all of you came out of the woodwork to leave these comments. i really did not expect this from my son and it's totally thrown me. over the last year he went from being my baby boy to a being a disgusting critter. ive had trouble with it.

hotch: you will LOVE that book. i know it.

just me said...

let's hope as also a mother of a 15yo that this too shall pass! lol the debates get worse (mainly just has to prove his point is right) but in secret he is giving advice that you give to his friends. Yes have caught mine doing that, though will wait till he is older to point it out, no since starting another debate! lol

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I so wish I could put you in contact with my sister who has a son who from the age of 13 - 17 she thought he was an alien. She would cry to me about his behavior and I saw it all but....

Somehow or another as a senior in high school he "woke up" The fact that he lived that long was amazing to me because my goodness he and his father even got into it physically once at 16. That was a long phone call from sister with the ugly cry and gasping. But in his senior year it was like he finally heard all the nagging and lectures and lessons etc. He even would hug and kiss his mom again. And lazy - oh my God was he lazy and his parents are so not those types of people.

Now that doesn't mean he cleaned up after himself all the time when he became a senior or that sort of thing, I mean he was still a man for pete's sake...but he was again human and as my sister used to say "he's back!"

Not being a mom I would just watch her frustration, her crying, their fights, and the fights it caused she and her hubby.
So from my perscpective this is normal, unbearable and painful but normal.

Hey when The Boy finds that job could he hire me?

Maria Rose said...

I had two teenage brothers who made it an art to accomplish next to nothing, yet seemed to be constantly exhausted by the effort---they slept all the time. One brother even spent great amounts of time rationalizing why a job would be more costly to him than no job. Finally, one brother didn't get a job until he was 20! Now he is a very hard working banker and will almost certainly be a millionaire by 30. There is hope.

Daphne said...

I offer up as evidence my own brother, who is now an amazing, hyper-responsible man of 33. When he was a teenager, although he was highly motivated by track and other interests, he was also incredibly lazy and watched ungodly amounts of TV. Somewhere around senior year he snapped out of it and got himself a track scholarship and did well in college, but after that had a hard time figuring out what he wanted to do (worked for the City doing maintenance, etc. -- although to his credit he was also attempting to do professional track, which pays nothing, but is fun) until he figured out he wanted to do firefighting, and once he figured that out, although it was a long hard path, it all worked out and now he's doing SO GREAT. I maintain that boys from the age of 12 to about 16 are disgusting and pretty much useless. Also they tend to smell weird. After 16, the smart ones (of which your son is one) will start to figure it out. He sounds pretty typical to me. From the few times I've met him, my impression is that he's going to be okay. Boys are different from girls. They mature later.

Run Lori Run said...

I love coming here because you are always frank, honest and funny as hell.

I don't have a teenage boy but I have a 12 year old girl and I feel like a broken record too. And only recently has she decided showering regularly is maybe a good idea...I keep trying to remind myself that her brain is not fully developed and she is jacked up on hormones. Don't beat your self up- just identifying these issues means you'll be on top of it!

~ The Jolly Bee ~ said...

I think that I may have ghost-written this one for you! Either you're lurking in my house or I'm in yours. Welcome to my world and life with a 13-year old boy.

michelle said...

This was incredibly insightful for me to read! Max is only six, but oh, I know those teen years are going to be foreign for me. Thank you for writing so honestly about your life, Tammie. And thank you to the mamas who commented with their experience, too. I know I can't be "prepared" for what is in store living with a teen, but at least I can think back to this post and know that I'm not alone.

Visty said...

I have the same kind of child here. Everyone I know with teenaged boys older than mine tells me it is completely normal and expected. Really, we aren't raising Farmer Boy here, and so most of their energy is drained in the institution of 7 hours of school every day. I still ask for a few chores, and I still push him outside when I can, but his favorite past times are the same as his fathers: sleeping and reading. Since his father grew up to understand that he has things he needs to do, I have faith that the boy will, too. 13 is still young yet.