Monday, July 18, 2011

And Then I Washed My Hands With Really Hot Water

So.....a couple weeks ago I ordered some frying pans. They arrived last Saturday in a large, oddly shaped cardboard box. I usually like to keep boxes for reuse, but because this one was so big and I really don't have that kind of storage space, I decided to take it down to the recycling area of my apartment complex.

My apartment has about eight large trash cans designated for recyclables. The maintenance guys do a great job of keeping it all under control but on weekends the whole area can get a bit crazy. This being a Saturday, the bins were pretty full and since, as mentioned, my box was big, I had to move around the recyclables so as to make room for it. Now keep in mind, this isn't trash, just recycling, so on a normal day the ickiest thing I would have to worry about touching would be an old mayonnaise jar or maybe a soup can with clam chowder stuck to the side. BUT, apparently this was the day the neighborhood freak took out her recycling because as I'm shuffling around catalogs and milk cartons trying to create space for my box, my hand touches a giant, flesh colored vibrator. And it wasn't just a quick touch, I had done some full-on palm to vibe action.

After jerking my hand back I just sort of stood there holding up the lid and staring at the vibrator. It's not like I had never seen one before, I just didn't expect to see it there. In fact, I think I would have been less surprised had I found a body in the trash can. ( Side note: I watch so much Law and Order that I always kind of expect to find a body. ) But seriously, who recycles that stuff? I'm all for being a good steward of the earth but some things should just be destined for the landfill.

Now all that's left is for me to wonder what neighbor it belonged to..........

20 comments:

Maria Rose said...

Noooo.........just nooooo!

If it were me I'd leave notes around the complex admonishing the freak. Something like a recycling list:
Recycle: Tin, cans, plastic, newspaper, cardboard, glass
Garbage: USED VIBRATORS!!!!!!!!

Jessie at Luna Pacifica said...

Oh. Hell. No. That is terrible. I'm so sorry. That there deserves a tactful complaint to the manager.

~*Gumbo Soul*~ said...

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh my..........

Not Hannah said...

Ahahahahahahaa! Omagawdess, lady, that made my day. (And made ME go wash my hands in really hot water.)

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

c'mon throw that in the garbage in a bag - sealed. Jeez.

Nothing happens around here as far as crime. The worst thing in the 11years has been kids stealing beers out of a fridge when a garage was left open.

BUT last year something happened.
There is a dumpster area like you described at the apartments in the community. The young man went to dispose of his garbage and saw a really nice suitcase there and thought, Hmm I may want this. So he opened it up and lo and behold you would have seen your law and order body! A woman was cut up and all her pieces/parts were stuffed into this suitcase.
I came home to a detour and helicopters flying over head and yellow tape everywhere and cops telling me to go a different direction. When i got home I heard this on the TV. Wild huh? It was her hubby who did this to her and he drove 25miles away and found this community and must have thought it was a great place to dump the body and left. Can you imagine?
I guess the guy who found the suitcase didn't want the suitcase after that. :-)

Daphne said...

DIS. GUSTING!!!!! Ahhh! That is horrible. That is one item I think we can all agree needs to be wrapped up and put in the GARBAGE.

just me said...

major sanitizer!!! lol we had neighbors that were moving one time and left their truck in front of our house with the stuff in back covered with a tarp. needless to say the next day someone had gone through it and put theirs on top of the truck for all the neighbors to see!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Oh.Em.Gee.
I am so NOT a germophobe, but I think I'd be scrubbing with bleach.
Also....I had no idea those things were recyclable. Disgustingly fascinating.

Jaime said...

You are so funny. I actually laughed out loud when reading your post. The first place my husband and I moved into was on the beach. We found a crack pipe in the dishwasher. Hey, at least they were clean.

kraftykash said...

OMG this made me laugh so hard. I think I would have taken a picture.

Emily said...

And this is why I always wear gloves when digging in a dumpster of any kind!

~ The Jolly Bee ~ said...

Hot water....anti-bacterial soap....Germ-X....And whatever else is on the market to kill off germs. I'm glad you didn't send your kids down with your recycling.

Tammie said...

HA HA HA HA you all are so funny. these comments have made me snicker almost as much as the actual incident.

peggy: im always checking out old/used suitcases! maybe my dreams of finding a dismembered body are not totally shattered. im already preparing the statement im going to give to the slightly odd yet foxy detective i have envisioned. my only wish is that the murder i stumble upon not be mob/gang related in anyway. that shit scares me.

jaime: i think its so funny that crack addicts actually wash their dishes (and their crack pipes!). whenever my house is really messy i always say "it looks like a crack house in here." apparently i was wrong and crack addicts care as much about the cleanliness of their homes as the rest of us.

emily: yes! gloves have been added to my grocery list.

Veronica said...

Why would anyone think that could be recycled? Like you, i'm down for recycling as much as possible, but sometimes one just has to take one for the team and throw it away.

When we lived in an apt, we had a recycling area, but on weekends it just turned into a communal garbage heap.

Run Lori Run said...

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

Vibrators in the garbage, bloody tampons in the parking lot. You need to keep up your immunizations to live there!

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. isn't that something that falls into the category of "bury in back-yard" or something? like a dead hamster?

just yuck.

craftytammie said...

eww.

a few years back i went to pick up a free dresser from craigslist. i went to the address, which was a houseful of hippies freshly baked and bleary eyed. we loaded up said dresser, came home, and found the top drawer was full of assorted "personal" items, including a pocket rocket and two (empty) dugouts. and later that day i got an email from the girl, saying she left some "personal" items in there, could i return them to her?!

as far as dead bodies go, i always think i will see one on the side of the highway.

Lia said...

Ha! Only you....

Dani said...

Bwhahahahahahahaha!!!!!

My money is on the neighbor that left the used tampon in the parking lot.

I didn't think a vibrator would be recyclable. A dildo, yes...but a vibrator?

Meredith said...

See, I think a vibrator would be MORE likely to be recyclable. Most of the time those are just plastic, right? Whereas dildos can be made of all kinds of bizarre futuristic materials.

I sort of hate that I'm even thinking about this.

Anyway, Tammie, your story made me laugh (in a horrified/sympathetic way of course). It's like the recycling sexually assaulted you!