Wednesday, March 16, 2011


Oh my goodness, it feels wonderful to get back into blogging regularly. I've been so hit and miss since the beginning of the year and this month in particular has been bad. But I didn't realize how much I not only miss the process, but need it for my own sanity. I'm not one to spend a lot of time on the phone, and it sometimes takes me days to type out an email, so when I can get on here and vent and then be hit with so many supportive comments, emails, and the occasional phone call, it really is just a wonderful thing. The mood I was in Monday night before going to bed was drastically different than the mood I was in when I woke up. I now feel silly for putting off talking about it as long as I had, but the whole thing just made me feel cruddy, overwhelmed, and alone.

*As evidence of my cruddy feeling, I've cried three times in the past four days. Once in the shower so no one could see me, once in front of my son, and once in front of Jay. Three body shaking, splotchy face-making cries. The first cry felt kinda good, the second one felt less good. By the third time, I just felt like a loser who needed to pull herself together.

*After meeting with the behaviour coach and discussing the program, we've decided to go ahead with it. I'm still not real keen on the at-home aspect of it, but it's only one hour a week for seven weeks. I think I can go ahead and take one for the team with this one, especially considering that the girl is super excited about the whole thing. (Because she's a spaz.) The home portion is going to involve some activities with the girl and then some tips and solutions for me and Jay. This is the part that makes me feel like a loser, like I'm 15 and taking parenting classes. I mean, I've been a stay at home mom for almost 13 years now, shouldn't I have this figured out? BUT, at the same time I think as parents it's easy to fall into a rut of doing what just works, instead of doing what works well. Plus, I have to admit that I'm pretty thrilled that I live in an area where a program like this is even offered. To my knowledge there is no similar program in Florida, and if there is, it probably wouldn't have been for a kid like Lucy. It would have been more for the kids who bring guns or drugs to school.

*The speech therapist believes that the girl's stutter is developmental. Basically, her neurological system isn't ready for all the language that she's trying to say. She also feels that, at this age, therapy isn't necessary and that the stutter will most likely disappear one day in the not to distant future. This is all very good news.

In book news:

*I finished Never Let Me Go and it was wonderful. I don't think I'll be reviewing it here though because the mental state I was in while reading it was not the best and every time I try to write about the book my mind draws a blank. But I will say that it was beautifully written and that it was slow moving in the best possible way. The subject matter was dark but the way it was all presented was calm and peaceful. Just a fascinating read all around.

*I've been trying to read The Lacuna. It's just not happening. I think I've read the same twenty pages over and over again. Because I normally love Barbara Kingsolver, I'm not real sure what the problem is. I think maybe it's just too heavy for me right now. I should probably just give up on it and maybe revisit it later.

*Along that line, yesterday I received a book in the mail that I had won via a contest on Goodreads that I don't remember entering. It's called Haunting Jasmine and it's not a book I would have normally picked out (it's straight up chick lit) but the funny thing is that I'm totally engrossed in it. It's simple and silly and just completely suiting my mood. I'll definitely be reviewing it here sometime next week.


daphne said...

So glad hear:

a) from you here! Nice to "see" you
b) that you enjoyed Never Let Me Go. I thought it was so good, haunting, sad, but *so good*
c) the girl is excited about behavior coaching. that is so funny; it's awesome. I bet you all get a lot of out of it. nothing loser-y about it.

Nothing loser-y about having big ol' tears, either. Welcome to my life.
Hugs, you.

Dani said...

I'm glad things are looking up. Maybe it's something in the air? I had an anxiety attack complete with sobbing, swollen eyes, and snot bubbles.

This is not the norm. The last time I really cried like that was when Colt McCoy was injured and taken out of the game in the first quarter of the National Championship. I'm only sort of kidding.

~ The Jolly Bee ~ said...

A good cry is probably just what you needed. And I love how you're so forthright about the coaching thing. My daughter and I spent a good deal of time sitting with a counselor trying to figure out how we could get along last year. We still argue a lot and don't see eye to eye on things, but it helped having an objective third party try to put things in perspective.

hester said...

Ah yes...sometimes I think we do just need to have a big cry (or two or three). I hope the behaviour coaching goes well. Might even be fun. Great news that the stuttering is nothing to worry about. Greta has stopped completely after about two years of stuttering.

I loved "Never Let Me Go" as well and couldn't put it down. But I did find the flat, unemotional tone drove me mad after a while even though I understood that it was deliberate. Do you think you want to see the movie? I love Carey Mulligan. I didn't even try to read "Lacuna" even though I'm a big Kingsolver fan as every time I read the blurb on the back, I felt completely uninterested.

Run Lori Run said...

It never hurts to have a third party's perspective. I wish you well. we have worked with two excellent counselors with my daughter and we learned a lot...

oooh, I've been wanting to read Never Let Me Go...

victoria said...

I don't know about you but, I didn't learn a lot about good parenting when I was a kid. So, I am very well aware that I'm going to need a lot of help as the baby gets older. I think the coach is a great thing. Maybe Lucy is so excited about it because she's the center of attention. Some little kids need SO much attention. Sometimes they act out just to get it. And I don't think it's a bad thing. I know the little babe is super-high maintenance. They say that about the girls ... I've known this since she was about 3 months old! I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with her when she starts talking and walking and screaming in public.

Also, all the behavior and disciplining is not instinctive and intuitive, I don't think. This isn't built in ready to use when we become mothers. Maybe if we were still living in tribes, but this day in age, society is a strange place to raise children! ;)

Visty said...

I am so happy to hear an opinion of The Lacuna that was just like mine. I LOVE Barbara Kingsolver. I love everything she has written, and The Bean Trees, found in a Goodwill years ago before I knew who she was, changed my life. So when the Lacuna came out, I was nearly drooling. And then...I opened it. I tried, I really tried. I couldn't do it. I gave it to Goodwill to go change someone else's life.

It seems like you've been having a similar winter to mine. I know you love the cool and the green and the rain, and are so happy to be out of the heat. But really, not getting the sun shining on our faces for 7 months can be a real downer, despite the beauty.

I think counselors are great. I hope it works out for you.

We need a park day for sure!