In all truthfulness, I had been feeling it coming on for a while. It wasn't that I didn't have anything to talk about, it was just that I had no time or brain power to sit down and write about it. I have a confession to make: Despite how it looks, I don't just whip out these blog posts in minutes. I usually have an idea floating around in my head for a few days. I mentally work on it from time to time, seeing if it can 'go anywhere.' If it looks like it can be dragged out into a few paragraphs, then I scribble some notes down on a piece of paper. Then that piece of paper inevitably gets thrown away, so I go to the computer and try to remember everything I had written down. Long story short, a few days later I have a blog post. Then of course there are pictures and links and editing it all, as best as one can self edit. So, it's a process. A process I just haven't had the energy for lately.
Another confession: This summer has kicked me around. Jay has worked a lot and business has been booming. Which is awesome, I'm not complaining. He's doing better here than we ever imagined and his bosses love and appreciate him. Which makes Jay happy, which in turn makes me happy. But also means I've been with the kids. A lot. Really. A LOT. Again, not complaining. They are my kids. I made the choice to have them and I made the choice to stay home with them. I truly love them with all my heart and most of the time I love being with them. But so help me god, if I'm forced to feign interest in one more pointless story that takes 20 minutes to tell and goes absolutely nowhere, I'm going to start stabbing myself with the nearest sharp kitchen utensil. And the eating?!? Why do people so little need to eat sooooo often? I.am.so.sick.of feeding.them. It's gotten to the point where I'm throwing easy things at them like bananas, cereal, yogurt, cookies, peanut butter sandwiches, and applesauce cups. And while I'm admitting to being an awful, lazy mother, let me just confess that when my daughter brings me her applesauce cup and asks me to remove the lid, I'm like, "Dammit, do I have to do everything around here?" I know, horrible. (Now is the time when you all chime in and tell me I'm not the only one that feels this way sometimes.)
I think part of the problem is that they don't yet have their own lives here in Oregon. Back in Florida, the boy especially had his buddy that was always at our house and vice versa. When they were around I never had to entertain them, they just did their own thing. The boy hasn't yet found the Oregon version of that kid. (He keeps trying though. Pre teen boys have been traipsing through my apartment and around the pool all summer. The most recent one who was here seems like he may be a winner.)
Also, in an effort to keep everyone busy, we may have overdone it a bit. We've been go, go, going for the last three months. And while it's been fun, I think the kids are ready for their lives to revolve around school and home. Bed times have gotten way too late (I should not still be hearing my daughter's shrill banshee voice at midnight) and eating schedules are off track. Simply put, we are totally off our routine. But the air around here is anticipatory. Both of these kids are so ready for school to start. They are just as sick of being with me as I'm sick of being with them. Which I love. They want to socialize and be with other annoying little people just like themselves. Wonderful. Go, be free.
So, that's why I haven't blogged in a week. When I have had computer time, I used it for something that required far less brain power on my part, like reading your blogs or scrolling through Emmys Red Carpet photos looking for shots of Alec Baldwin. ( I didn't find any, I don't think he was there.) But school starts mid next week, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This week the plan is to gradually get back to normal bedtimes and regular meals. And I think I can handle that.
It's funny, because I started writing this yesterday afternoon during a particularly stressful bout with the kids and I began to feel better almost immediately after I let it out. I shouldn't have avoided the process for a whole week, my funk may have faded sooner. I know I don't say it as often as I should, but thanks for sticking around and thanks for 'listening.'