Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Things You Probably Like, That I Hate

This went over so well the last time I did it, I thought it was time I compiled another list of popular things that I hate.

*Victoria's Secret-What with the commercials, the numerous catalogs, and the icky runway 'show' that manages to somehow get past the TV censors every year, it's apparent that the media wants me to love VS and thinks that I should buy all of my fancy underthings there. But I haven't in years and I don't think I ever will again. I think most of their stuff is uncomfortable, tacky, or overpriced, and the store just feels very anti-woman to me. In my heart of hearts, I believe that VS doesn't make things that women find sexy, they make things that men find sexy and we're just supposed to squeeze into it and take it. Plus, time and experience has taught me that, although fancy unmentionables are nice, they certainly aren't necessary to get a man to have sex with you. The other morning Jay and I were laying in bed. I was wearing old sweats and an over sized Terminex tee shirt and the man couldn't keep his hands off of me. You know why? Because it was one of those rare moments when we both happened to be in the same place at the same time and there were no kids around. At this point in our marriage that's all it takes anymore. No $40 panties required.

*John Mayer-Why do attractive, successful women keep dating this giant douchebag? I just don't get it.

*Senior citizens-Okay, this one is going to get me into trouble, I can feel it. So before you call me ageist, let me explain.

As you all know, up until six months ago, I lived most of my life in Florida where the average age of the average citizen is 112. You can't go anywhere without overhearing some retiree complain about how better things were in their day. And let me tell you that if you work in a shoe store and an old person comes in you better be prepared for the hardest sale of your life. They want all their shoes to be hand sewn leather, made in America, and it better not be some wild color or have a heel like a "clod hopper." I couldn't tell you what a clod hopper was if my life depended on it but I do know that old people are very insistent that their shoe not look like one. Oh, and they want to spend about $14. If by some stroke of luck you have something like that in your inventory and you manage to pry their credit card from their tightly clenched fist long enough to sell it to them, there is a fifty-fifty chance they're going to return it.

I know a lot of people find really older folks cute and charming. I'm not one of those people. That being said, on the rare chance that I meet a spunky older person who maintains an active lifestyle that includes something other than lamenting the changes society has made in the last three decades, then I immediately love them and want to hear all their stories. But as luck would have it, I usually meet the grumblers.

*Chocolate candy-This one has come as a bit of a surprise to me, but I'm finding that as I get older my taste in candy is leaning more towards hard or fruity instead of my once beloved chocolate. The proof came to me this week when I noticed that I've had a giant bowl of chocolate Halloween candy on the table and not only have I barely been tempted, but I really don't even want it. Instead, I'm starting to actually enjoy eating candy that could also double as a throat lozenge. And Skittles. My dream is to one day be buried alive under an avalanche of Skittles and be forced to eat my way to safety.

*Self-Help Books-I avoid any book claiming to have "the secret" to anything. Not only do I just find them to be written by annoying people, but I also think they ultimately are not that helpful. I don't know if I know anyone who has actually read a self help book but they're always on the best seller list so their popularity can't be denied. Someone is reading them.

So tell me, what lately are you hating that everyone else seems to be loving?


Maria Rose said...

Sadly I am with you on the elderly (not ht eold people I love though) issue. For 2 reasons:
1) I worked at Hallmark and the meanest customers were old, the shoplifters were old, and once an old woman threw a stuffed reindeer at me!

2) I lived near a retirement community in CO for several years and it was an all out nightmare with horrifying drivers, meanies, crazies, etc.

I know and love plenty of senior citz, but the terrible ones really press my buttons. I am totally ageist.

Thanks I never get to publicly vent about that.

Tammie said...

maria rose: im so glad you chimed in. i know what you mean about not getting to vent about this. usually if i say anything about it im stared at like im the devil.

and im glad you mentioned the driving! it always bugs me the way people talk about the bad driving of teens and young adults but never mention the poor driving of the elderly. there were always old people driving into the fronts of stores or going 25 in the fast lane on the interstate. when i was a kid my own grandfather drove his car into our garage door! he said he thought he had put the car in park.

the risky driving behaviour of old people does not get addressed enough.

daphne said...

Ha! I love this. I should do one of these posts again soon too.

I love old people, but I have a knack with them. That said, we just got yelled at the other day by two old people who said, "You do realize that's a handicapped spot, right?" (they yelled this really meanly). I'm like, yes, do you not see the disabled placard on our car? It made us feel bad but then again, they probably thought we were both healthy and fine.

I hate cheap chocolate. I'm not really a chocolate snob, I just can't stand the taste of it anymore.

I can't think of anything I hate right now, but give me time...

daphne said...

Also, I am totally with you on Victoria's Secret. Frankly most men (or whoever you happen to love) seem to be happiest when you are not wearing anything at all. But that's free! So we can't have that.

Tammie said...

daph: sadly i dont have that knack with old people. in fact, i think they all hate me as much as i hate them. although i guess that isnt as bad as maria rose, who inspires them to chuck things at her.

and i completely agree with your VS sentiment.

~ The Jolly Bee ~ said...

I don't think I own anything from VS -- never did. I'm a Lanz of Salzburg flannel kind of gal. My husband can take it or leave it. And I'll leave it at that.

Tammie said...

jodi: now that i live in a place where the climate is cooler rather than warmer, i can definitely see the appeal of some warm flannel fuzzies.

Haleine said...

I had an elderly customer a while back who held me hostage on the sales floor for a half hour while she lectured me on the evils of foreign made clothing, how Canadians can't measure (yes, really), her hatred of ironing (her mother apparently made her iron everything) and how things used to be so much better back in the day. I completely understand your position.

I also agree with your positions on Victoria's Secret and John Mayer.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I agree on your position with seniors (which I guess I could be one - grumpy ole bitch that I am)
I mean I just bitched about young mommies on their blackberries yesterday. so i am guilty.

I also don't go to VS. First and foremost they never used to carry bigger than a C cup when I used to go there. Then the advent of boob surgery and they got bigger bras. But I refused because if they didn't like me before - F-'em.

I don't get the douchebag either, or the self help books.( the secret makes me cringe)
Chocolate is where you lost me. :-)

kraftykash said...

I think VS was made to discriminate against any women over sz 5. LOL I've been in there a few times because I did like the angel scents. The store employees look at me like I'm on crack for shopping there. It used to be intimidating. Now I'm thinking I should go back and ask to try something on that you & I both know would not fit me! LOL

I have a soft spot in my heart for older peeps. We have experienced death to many times over the past 3 yrs with Grandparents. The ones we have left are somewhat sick. I love their stories.
Although if I had to touch their feet or put their shoes on I would FREAK out. Yuck! :)
John Mayer must have a big one and know how to work it. Cuz he is not hot or nice.

Ok, that is my 2 cents for the day. Hope you had a fantastic birthday.

Danette said...

You lost me on chocolate but I agree on most of the other things. I like John Mayer's music but most musicians are assholes and should not be dated (even the not famous ones!)Run away, girls! Run away!

I don't like shopping- hate trying on clothes and if I have to shop, when I finally find a pair of pants, I generally buy two pair of pants so that I don't have to try on anymore. Weird I know.

J said...

Found your blog by accident. Interesting. My blog

Dani said...


VS is shit. Just sayin'.

My Mr. is perfectly happy with a pair of Hanes Her Way and an old wife beater tank. The man has simple tastes.

John Mayer is a douche. I don't get his appeal either.

Here's mine: Halloween. I'm just not into it at all. I don't decorate, or make cookies, or cupcakes, or do crazy spooky crafts. We carve pumpkins and go trick or treating...and The Offspring are lucky to get that.

Not Hannah said...

I feel you on VS. If I go there, it's not for me, it's for Will. (Well, except for the PJs, because VS makes some KICK ASS PJs.)

Here's my TYPL,TIH: Pumpkin lattes from Starbucks. I can't drink coffee anyway because it makes me psycho, but I LOVE the taste of it. However, for some reason, this drink makes me think of sludgy, pulpy cold dregs and blech. Shudder. Awful.

Mari said...

Totally with you on the list, except for chocolate, as long as it's not cheap waxy crap like palmers! Also have to add dancing with the stars and survivor fanatics... totally don't understand the appeal of those shows.
I had an old guy cut in front of the whole line at the pharmacy recently. We started the line a little back to give people some privacy, and he just waltzed in front of all of us to the counter! Had to laugh... He fought with them over what he was picking up, and how much he had to pay.. and refilled yet more. Took forever.

Run Lori Run said...

Eat Pray Love. Everyone loooooooooves this book and I couldn't get thru 30 pages of it. Its the most self absorbed piece of dribble I have ever read.

Ah, I feel better!

Crystal said...

I love your blog. Have I ever told you that? I do. You make me smile and giggle just when I need it most.

I love old people, but then I have never sold any oldsters any shoes. They are my soft spot. Oh, and fat people. I don't know why.

mandy said...

You are so funny and totally have me laughing.

let's see. I also don't like V.S. The advertising makes me sad and uncomfortable at the same time.

I really like all the old people I know, but they are all related to me.

Love Chocolate, but not the m and m king, the green and black kind.

Self Help books, I also find the tone really annoying. But one really actually helped me alot once, so....

I love the whole tone of this post; very funny.

AKM said...

I'm totally with you on John Mayer, VS, and chocolate!

Hmm, I'm usually REALLY good at expressing what I DON'T like, but nothing comes to mind at the moment! Well, maybe "Dancing With the Stars." Oh, and Taylor Swift. And Julia Roberts. And certain politicians. And Oreos. And Crocs.

GREAT post.