Before writing yesterday's blog post, I was playing around with the camera to see if I could get a decent picture of myself modeling the scarf I had made, which is what I was doing in this photo. I had meant only to get the scarf in the shot, not my face at all. Huge photography fail obviously but on the upside, I managed to take a totally candid picture of myself.
When I was looking back through the shots, the me-ness of this one freaked me out a bit. I'm sure Jay would back me up in saying that this is how I look all the time: serious and not smiling. Yet when I know someone is taking my picture, I smile. Because that's what people do, right?
It's not that I'm an unhappy person, but I'm certainly not jolly. I've never been described as a girl with an 'easy laugh' and I've never been told I have a 'nice smile.' Quite the contrary actually. More than once I've had strangers come up to me and tell me to 'cheer up.' Photographers tell me to 'smile more' and that I 'need to learn to relax.' It really puts people on edge when you aren't obviously happy or naturally effusive.
That's just how I am. I've never jumped for joy, I've never squealed with excitement, and if the football team were relying on me to cheer them to victory, then they'd probably lose. Even when in computer land, I never LOL or ROFL. And you can bet your life I have never typed out the word Squee!, until now of course.
Anyway, the point of all this is that today I'm 34. The passage of time has brought many physical changes that I don't like. There is far too much sag and bag to my ass. It wouldn't hurt me to do a few more sit ups. Some days I look down at my hands and they look like the hands of an old woman. Every day I find one more grey hair, occasionally in places other than my head. There's no cream yet to be invented that will rid me of my forehead wrinkles and covering my purple eye bags has become a part of my morning routine. But there is one thing I don't have to think about: laugh lines. Score one for the sullen gal.
In spite of it all though, I'm happy. And the picture at the top? That's me. Being happy.
But the next person to give me the unsolicited advice to "Smile" is going to get stabbed in the face.