Wednesday, September 15, 2010

What is Wrong With Me?

I just don't know what the deal is, but lately I haven't wanted to be here. By 'here', I mean not just my blog but the internet in general. Most of the time I can enjoy the internet, in fact I love it. Other times, like lately, I feel completely overwhelmed by all it has to offer. There is so much on the internet that I want to do. Sewing and crochet projects, crafts to do with the kids, recipes to make and bake, photo and writing projects to get involved in. It seems like before long I'm mentally drowning. It's just all too much. Then, of course, I stumble across the occasional blog written by someone who seems to be effortlessly doing it all while wearing a big ol' smile and I feel like a giant shit face because today all I've done is snack on macaroni salad and play video games while the girl was at school. (Okay, I know I'm being too hard on myself and obviously I've done more than that. In fact, I've done all the same things I always do and then some. But as I sit here, it feels like I have nothing to show for my day.)

And let's not even get started on Facebook. I haven't been on it in days. I keep meaning to get on. I have messages. But just seeing them in my inbox fills me with dread. What if it's going to be from someone who wants me to do something? Like form a coherent sentence in a thoughtful reply? I'm just not up for that right now. Sorry Facebook.

Like I said, I don't know why I feel this way. I mean, I've known myself to get this way from time to time but then it usually fades after a day or so. But lately the feeling is lingering and that makes me nervous. I can't fathom the idea of giving up my blog or my internet life, it's a huge part of who I am. I'm hoping I just need to give myself some more time. Time to adjust to the new school schedule and time to continue adjusting to life in Oregon. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it here. But I lived in Florida my whole life and even though I hated it, it was familiar. Not only did I know where everything was, but I knew everything about the state. I knew all the trees and plants and animals. And while I love Oregon, everything about it is unfamiliar, so this makes each day a learning experience for me. Which is awesome, but exhausting. When I think about it that way, I can definitely see why I'm in a bit of a lull right now.

So, I guess that's why it may seem as if I've checked out from my cyber life. I'm still here, skulking around in the shadows, taking it all in. Just not feeling as vocal as I once was.


april said...

A friend of mine calls this "tidal blogging". You must just be at low tide. Hunt around for treasures right now and you can get back in the water when you are ready! Enjoy your down time!

kraftykash said...

You are perfectly normal. Now go back to playing video games and stop looking into things so hard. Life is what it is. We just have to make the best of it. I love your blog and think you do a fantastic job. Keep it up sister, cyberspace wouldn't be the same without you. ***BTW Im typing this while ironing, baking pie from scratch, taping my 5th reading of books for the blind, and walking in place....cuz Im cool like that*** hahaha just teasing

Tammie said...

thank you ladies. :)

april: i love the sound of tidal blogging. it sounds so much better than just thinking that my life must be too boring to blog. or worse yet "writers block." ugh.

kash: i really hope youre joking because i got tired just reading that list. ha!

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

I want to say it's normal because I am in the boat with you. I have been off kilter for awhile now. I don't feel like blogging and I don't want to take my classes or do much of anything but be lazy and stare at TV.

Also your crack pot blogger buddy told you why so many are having issues now - see how you begin feeling after this week is over. It should start lightening up and then by Sept 28th everything should start to go back to normal...whatever that is...for a long while.

I know you're laughing at me but it's real.
So just do what you want until you feel like your old self. Playing video games and eating macaroni salad sounds like fun. Maybe that is just what you need right now and nothing more!

Tammie said...

peggy: honestly im not laughing at you. you've totally made me a believer.

i just looked up more about Mercury being in retrograde and look what i found:

In general, Mercury rules thinking and perception, processing and disseminating information and all means of communication, commerce, education and transportation. By extension, Mercury rules people who work in these areas, especially those who work with their minds or their wits: writers and orators, consultants, commentators and critics, gossips and spin doctors, salespeople, teachers, travellers, tricksters and thieves.

Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.

Hello. No wonder i feel so out of whack. and really what is a blogger but a "writer, commentator critic, gossip and spin doctor."


~ The Jolly Bee ~ said...

We all go through those lulls. Mine is usually induced by blogging guilt (ie. not spending enough time with the family -- but really, they're the ones with exciting, busy lives and opt to do other things than hang out with me). Like my mother wisely says, "this too shall pass." You just better not give up blogging because your postings are a joy to read and a big fat dose of reality.

Dani said...

I get that way too...overwhelmed with all the net has to offer. I feel like I'm drowning.

So I read "my blogs" and stumble upon a new one here and there...but for the most part I don't look up something (crafty) unless it's for a specific project or for specific inspiration.

Facebook is still my friend (sorry, Lia), but it's the main way I have to make contact with certain people. Sometimes I don't feel like picking up the phone and having a long conversation. Facebook enables me to touch base in about 30 seconds.

We will wait for you to come out of your rut. And you will. I have no doubt.

And if you don't, I'll send my ninjas to track you down.

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I have those periods too. I also get overwhelmed with all of the bad news I read on blogs. Sometimes I wish I could pretend all that stuff wasn't real. Ya know?

Daphne said...

It's pretty easy to get overwhelmed with everything digital. Take some time, enjoy the leaves turning, and I will concur with the "everything will go back to normal after the 28th" thread. :)

Theresa said...

ditto. and yeah... mercury retrograde stinks!

Jem @ Luna Pacifica said...

I bet it's hard getting used to a new climate. All the different flora and fauna and weather patterns. (At least the west coast has less creepy crawlies!) It's like being in a whole new world with new smells and new bits of life, new social attitudes...

Take heart, T. I totally understand the overwhelming feeling of the vastness of the internet. My bookmark tabs are full of categorized web pages in a ton of different subjects and concepts. May I suggest a crochet-a-long? I'd be down for that! And then maybe a bake-a-long! And a craft-a-long! (If I had an older more visited blog I would totally do this!) Exciting!

alisha said...

totally feeling the same way. as i'm sure you've noticed. i've had a lot of other people say the same thing. take some time away for yourself. it's all good.

Lia said...

Unfortunately, I get like this a lot. But lately, I've kind of just let go. If I have something to say or more importantly the time to sit down and write it I will, but I can't do everything. School and my kids take up a ton of my time. And I can't check all of my favorite blogs in a timely manner all the time either. My peeps will just have to forgive me and know that just because I'm not commenting the day their post is up, doesn't mean I'm over them, I'm just busy.

I do get a bit giddy when I see your name in bold in my Reader, so keep it up, woman!

Patricia said...

I agree with your idea regarding needing to give yourself more time to adjust to Oregon. I, too, love living in Oregon and all the new discoveries I've been enjoying, but making the huge change of moving here when I'd spent my entire adulthood in the south, 25 years of in Florida, has impacted me more than I'd anticipated. I'm having to give myself some extra time to adjust, so I can certainly relate!