I just don't know what the deal is, but lately I haven't wanted to be here. By 'here', I mean not just my blog but the internet in general. Most of the time I can enjoy the internet, in fact I love it. Other times, like lately, I feel completely overwhelmed by all it has to offer. There is so much on the internet that I want to do. Sewing and crochet projects, crafts to do with the kids, recipes to make and bake, photo and writing projects to get involved in. It seems like before long I'm mentally drowning. It's just all too much. Then, of course, I stumble across the occasional blog written by someone who seems to be effortlessly doing it all while wearing a big ol' smile and I feel like a giant shit face because today all I've done is snack on macaroni salad and play video games while the girl was at school. (Okay, I know I'm being too hard on myself and obviously I've done more than that. In fact, I've done all the same things I always do and then some. But as I sit here, it feels like I have nothing to show for my day.)
And let's not even get started on Facebook. I haven't been on it in days. I keep meaning to get on. I have messages. But just seeing them in my inbox fills me with dread. What if it's going to be from someone who wants me to do something? Like form a coherent sentence in a thoughtful reply? I'm just not up for that right now. Sorry Facebook.
Like I said, I don't know why I feel this way. I mean, I've known myself to get this way from time to time but then it usually fades after a day or so. But lately the feeling is lingering and that makes me nervous. I can't fathom the idea of giving up my blog or my internet life, it's a huge part of who I am. I'm hoping I just need to give myself some more time. Time to adjust to the new school schedule and time to continue adjusting to life in Oregon. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love it here. But I lived in Florida my whole life and even though I hated it, it was familiar. Not only did I know where everything was, but I knew everything about the state. I knew all the trees and plants and animals. And while I love Oregon, everything about it is unfamiliar, so this makes each day a learning experience for me. Which is awesome, but exhausting. When I think about it that way, I can definitely see why I'm in a bit of a lull right now.
So, I guess that's why it may seem as if I've checked out from my cyber life. I'm still here, skulking around in the shadows, taking it all in. Just not feeling as vocal as I once was.