Wednesday, March 10, 2010

What Really Grinds My Gears :: That Christian Side Hug

Jay first introduced me to the Christian Side Hug video a few months back when he saw it...um...somewhere on the internet. I want to say The Huffington Post, but I'm not sure.

The basic gist of this song by a Christian rap group (I know, right?!?!) is that frontal hugs are indecent and lead to impure thoughts. So if you're not married yet, you need to stick to the "side hug." Gay folks, I don't know where this leaves you. Just avoid hugs altogether I suppose. Or "side hug" everyone to cover all the bases. Or probably more likely since these are evangelicals, just, you know, don't be gay. Anyway, here's the video. Please watch it, if only for a moment, so that you can experience the agony that I felt the first time I heard it. Misery loves company.



Now let's list just a few of the many, many reasons I hate this song.

One: We are talking hugs here people! Hugs. Is this what it's come to? I consider a hug to be one of the more basic forms of human contact and I rarely think of it as sexual. In fact I would venture to say that never in my life has a hug directly led to sexual activity. How sad is it that we as a society have gotten this paranoid?

Two: This line: When I hug people I leave room for the Holy Spirit. I'm sorry, but I just think that's weird.

Three: A few seconds into the song there is this verse, along with sounds of gun shots and ambulance (or police?) sirens in the background:

Stop and listen
No front hugs and no kissin'
I ain't that scared to call your momma
You'll be ridin' home in a coma

Wow. What form of Christianity is it that views frontal hugs as impure, but considers it okay to put someone into a coma? I'm not sure if that's hypocrisy or just naive stupidity. Either way, I find it kind of nauseating and scary.

Four: As much as I hate this song, and believe me I truly hate it, it's catchy as hell and after I've heard it once, it's in my head all day long. My family uses this knowledge to their advantage, routinely side hugging me and rapping a bit, knowing I'm going to be tortured all day long.

So tell me, what are your thoughts on the side hug? If you're a Christian, do you think this is going overboard a bit?

*Lyrics can be found here.

29 comments:

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

OMG I could not bring myself to listen to this. I read the lyrics instead - didn't want this diddy in my head.

I am on a rant today myself about these people. I wasn't sure if I should hit the publish button but now I think I will.

While reading the sick homophopic and delusional lyrics I saw where someone commented "Hugging from the front is evil? Jesus, how horny are these christians?"
That guy's comment made me laugh out loud.

R.H. Ducky said...

i don't even know where to start with this one.
maybe the line that says "i'm a ruff rider"...you should look up ruff rider on urban dictionary, it's amusing.
also the "you'll be ridin home in a coma" comment got to me. is this coma gonna happen via stoning? that would be perfect.
"i'm buying babies like anglelina jolie"? wtf does that even mean? buying babies doesn't sound very christian to me.

i love hugs! frontal hugs even. i guess i'm just a big ol' hugging whore. now if you'll excuse me i have to go hold jesus' hair back, he's puking up his shortbread with no yeast.

Tammie said...

peggy: i know. i read through some of the comments too and got quite a chuckle.

ducky: ha! i know of two definitions of "ruff rider" and frankly neither of them are appropriate for a christian song.

i actually really love shortbread but after this song, i dont know if ill ever be able to eat it again.

Dani said...

As you know, I'm Christian. Raised a preacher's kid, so I'm a rebellious Christian. But I digress...

This is ridiculous. I've never heard of hugs being unpure...unless you are naked while giving them. This is Christian kook fringe. Not mainstream at all.

That being said, I have no doubt that this exists. And it's sad that this is the stuff that's associated with the average Christian Joe. If there is one thing I've learned, it's there are kooks in every cause, religion, political persuasion, etc. Some people just don't know where to draw the line. I think kooks have serious issues with themselves and cling to these "causes" to make them feel more worthy or true.

In conclusion, there are Christian douche bags too.

Daphne said...

Ah, repression. A large majority of our right-wing friends and pretty much our entire consumer economy relies upon it to get where they need to go.

In retaliation, I shall henceforth go forward and, er, forward-hug everyone. No side hugs here! Side hugs leads to air kisses and Wonder bread sandwiches and DUIs when you leave that gay bar. No thanks.

Also, it's just weird to co-opt gangsta culture for Jesus.

Daphne said...

Also: "So rise up off me like the shortbread with no yeast"

What? (insert look of utter confusion at this bizarre double-negative)

Tammie said...

dani: ha ha. yes, the naked hug could definitely get you into trouble.

i was hoping you'd chime in with your beliefs on this one. i wanted a christian viewpoint.

as you know i was raised very conservatively but even in my upbringing, hugs were never looked at as something that was wrong.

Nowheymama said...

What?!

Yes, I think this is ridiculous.

CT said...

Just reading your post I knew I did NOT want to hear it NOR read the lyrics...

How nuts can anyone be? a hug is one of the nicest things to give and get. And yeah, I agree with you. I don't think a hug can be considered sexual. Unless you are sick and sex obsessed.oh. they are? hum...

The few lyrics that you posted are enough to convince me these people really should have their head (and faith) examined!

I'm a Catholic, and a pretty conservative at that, but this is just too, well... stupid.

CT said...

LETS START A FRONT-HUGGING REVOLUTION! TODAY! HUG YOUR LOVED ONES (and that lady in the grocery store cashier line looking weirdly at you too, just for keeps... what the heck, hug one of those rappers and see if you are consumed by fire) TODAY!!!

It's Me, Theresa said...

Okay, seriously, this made me laugh so hard my hubs had to come in from the other room to see what I was laughing at. The comments on this post are hilarious too. I listened to about 20 seconds of the song and now "Give me that Christian Side hug" is repeating over and over in my head. Too funny, can't even remember the last time I gave someone a "side hug...." even at church. LOL Guess I'm going straight to hades.

Tammie said...

daphne: seriously. you gave me the biggest laugh. i have to wonder how roy ashburn hugs people.

and yes it is beyond weird to mix gangsta culture with jesus. what would jesus do?

ct: i think you're on to something. really, what bad can come from a hug? we need to start a revolution.

theresa: so glad you got a laugh. see you in hades.

alisha said...

Tammie it's so funny you posted this because my mom was telling me how they had a watchtower recently that discourages opposite-sex handholding during prayer. Ridiculous!! Even my mom was like, that's a little overboard. It's crazy.

It's Me, Theresa said...

I think Jesus would bust a rhyme.. don't you?

Not Hannah said...

Yeah, I saw this a few months ago, laughed hysterically at the awful lyrics and mixed messages (word to your mutha, Jesus) and posted it on Facebook. My very conservative cousin said that he felt this was just one more example of non-Christians making fun of Christians.

To which I replied, "Yep. Dude. 'Jesus never hugged nobody like that?'" Ugh.

Carla said...

OK. That is just weird. As a Christian and knowing the group claims to be too, I'm embarrassed to be under the same designation! I suppose every group has those that are extreme and misrepresent the majority. I love hugs and give them freely - full frontal even! I have never heard of 'restrictions' with hugging. Kissing and beyond yes, but not hugs!
Do ever watch 19 Kids and Counting? Yes I do, I admit it. They are super conservative Christians and I'm pretty sure when the oldest son was dating his now-wife they held hands and hugged, they didn't kiss until their wedding though but I'm sure I remember them hugging!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

That is beyond weird. I wonder what part of Christianity they associate themselves with? Not normal folk, I assure you.
We give full on hugs, for the record. The holy spirit will just have to step aside.

victoria said...

Tammi, honestly, you really crack me up! well written!

and, on the whole topic in general, I just can't think of anything to say. If I thought about it too much, I'd have to get angry or something. Plus, it's so re-dick that the whole thing looks like a saturday night live skit.

hester said...

I'm coming late to this discussion...sorry. I always seem to pop in right at the end.

I was sort of glued to this clip in fascinated horror. My brain couldn't really compute it. Were they serious? I didn't know there were Christian rappers. Where have I been? Isn't there a condom called "Rough Rider"? Poor Jesus! He would be turning in his grave (if he had one). What's with the coma thing and the buying babies. Do they mean sponsoring World Vision children? Don't they understand the health and emotional benefits of hugs? I mean frontal ones? So what if occasionally a hug is a little flirty! OK...I'm stopping now.

Except to say that your family crack me up, Tammie. (With the side hugs and rapping thing)

Not Your Aunt B said...

Don't. drink. the. koolaid. That's all I'm saying!

Hotch Potchery said...

HA HA HA...little do those Christians know, but I LIKE it in the side!

~ The Jolly Bee ~ said...

It's a strange, strange world we live in. What more can I say.

Not Hannah said...

Hester's comment about Jesus and the grave? Classic.

Tammie said...

my god i have some of the funniest friends in blogland.

alisha: thats really disturbing. and i was just saying that compared to this rap group, the jehovahs witnesses were normal. wrong yet again.

theresa: at this point i have no idea what jesus would do.

not hannah: its sad really that your cousin felt that way. honestly, i really consider this group to be a batch of freaks on the fringe of christianity. or maybe just overzealous people trying to appeal to everyone to gain converts. either way, i dont lump them in with the average christian. but as with most groups, the loud obnoxious ones get all the publicity.

carla: im so glad you took the time to comment. i really wanted the opinions of actual christians and im happy that everyone is in agreement that these folks are nuts and embarrassing.

thats the duggars right? sometimes i find myself drawn to that show. but mostly all those kids running around freak me out. :)

cyndy: HA! you crack me up.

victoria: there is something comedic and haphazard about it isnt there? and im totally stealing the term re-dick from you. love that!

hester: ha ha ha ha. i know right?! yep a rough rider is a condom. which makes the lyric all the more disturbing. that is some bad imagery.

and yes, im going to have to do more posting at night so you dont always feel like your late to the party. damn time zone. :)

hotch: ha ha. uh oh. im sure the christians werent prepared for someone like you.

R.H. Ducky said...

on a pretty much unrelated note, my high school mascot was a rough rider...no really. after teddy roosevelt's rough riders...not the condom. however the other schools in our district made plenty of jokes. but anyway, i totally stole my basketball shorts because they had "lady riders" on them...and really, i just couldn't pass that up.
on another unrelated note, my team mates called me smurf. i'll have to tell you that story one of these days.

Crystal said...

Thank you Tammie, for causing this insane song to be in my head for the rest of the day. Those people are nuts.

Now, for your music listening pleasure, please listen to my fave Jesus song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSVR94c0bqM
Hells yes.

kraftykash said...

That song is fucked. Excuse the language. But thats all that came to my mind. Im a hugger not a hater.

Lia said...

God damn it. I'm always late to comment on your best posts! That song is hilarious and freaky and down-right frightening. Do you really think it's real? I hope it's not real. If it is real, these kind of freaks are the exact reason why I'm not religious and never will be. I'm scared of them taking over the world.

Did you read all the way through the comments on that page with the lyrics? Someone posted a video link called Christian Side Hug Part 2 and it was hilarious. It's a parody of the crazy-ass song. It was done by these guys from Chicago who come every year to the Austin City Limits Music Festival. They are quite funny and they always run the kids hip-hop workshop. They taught my son how to beat-box a couple of years ago. He loved it and practiced all the time and last summer they invited him up on stage to do a song with them. It was pretty great.

Penny said...

I keep forgetting to look at this while I'm at home. My work computer blocks the song...BUT I can imagine from your description that I would think it is creepy.

What about waving? Is waving OK? High fives?