Monday, February 8, 2010

Random Thoughts

*Mentally, I'm in a better place than I was a week ago. I'm still dealing with a lot of stress and all the crap that comes with trying to sell a house, but I'm good. Before, I was more scared and angry than I was excited. Now those emotions run through me a bit more evenly. It is what it is.

*My mom and I have had a lot of discussions lately. While they never really ended with any kind of resolutions, they've been peaceful. What the situation amounts to is this: My mom has every right as a person to change her personality and the way she feels about things. But I also have the right to not like the person she's changed into and I have the right as a parent to limit the types of behaviours my children are exposed to. It stinks, but again, it is what it is.

*In other parental news, my dad came by yesterday. My dad and I have never been close. By his own admission, he's a difficult person to be around and his way is always the right way. He and I have gotten closer within the last few years because we've sort of reached an unspoken agreement where we don't discuss certain things and he doesn't tell me what to do and he respects me as an adult. That being said, he's been incredibly supportive during this rough time and he's backed me up in ways I didn't necessarily think he would. In the last few weeks I've learned two things about my dad. ONE is that he adores my kids and would do anything for them and would never let anyone stand in the way of his relationship with them. TWO is that, good or bad, he's never going to change who he is for anyone. With him, at least you know what you're getting and I gotta say, that stability is nice.

*Something I learned about myself, is that I really should always listen to my gut feelings. I've been uncomfortable about a lot of things in my life for the last year or so. But I've tried to overlook it, or make excuses for people. In the end, I should have listened to my heart. Of course I want to think the best of people, but I need to be realistic too. Lesson learned.


*Right now I'm reading Atonement. I'll admit that initially this book didn't reach out and grab me, but about 50 pages in it started getting good and now I must finish it. I need to know what happens next. It's heartbreakingly sad though. Next book on the nightstand is Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver and I'm really hoping it's not a downer.

*While cleaning/packing/de-cluttering, I've been listening to a lot of Vampire Weekend. So much in fact, that I think they're starting to irritate Jay.

*The other night I dreamt I was discussing artesian wells with Jack Black. I find this humorous for many reasons, the main one being that I don't really even know what an artesian well is.

*Something else that gave me a chuckle was The Invention of Lying. Has anyone else seen this movie?

So that's that. But before I go, I wanted to thank all of you for your kind comments last week. I was literally overwhelmed. We really are all truly friends aren't we?

Now I'm off to paint various parts of my house white. Fun.


Not Hannah said...

Animal Dreams is NOT a downer, although the subject matter is not necessarily sunshine and roses. I love it. It was the first Kingsolver I read and, next to Prodigal Summer, my favorite of hers.

Hugs to you in this time of flux and craziness. You seem to be Kool in the Gang with it and that's awesome.

Nowheymama said...

So so glad you're feeling better about things.

I felt the same way when I read "Atonement." Haven't seen the movie, though.

It's Me, Theresa said...

I'm very glad to hear that you are in a better place and are starting to get excited about the move. After all, it is what you wanted... just possibly not so soon... kinda like me and the new baby! *HUGS* Hope to see things getting more and more exciting for you.

Oh and I had a little chuckle about the dream with Jack Black. LOL

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

So glad you've gotten to a good place with this. It's not ideal but you are dealing with it all beautifully Tammie.

I would love to chat w/you about Invention of Lying tomorrow. Crazy day today.

Daphne said...

Yay for friends, both virtual and real (and the virtual ones are just real ones we haven't met IRL yet...). I must get me some Vampire Weekend. So glad things are at least feeling deal-able. Hugs.

Lia said...

Your outlook and acceptance of the situation is impressive. I have a REALLY hard time letting things go. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, but it sounds like you're learning a lot about yourself and your parents. That's awesome that your dad has been so supportive, too.

I can't wait to hear what you think of Animal Dreams. Looks interesting.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Vampire Weekend. They're so fun. Listening to them makes me feel like I'm in high school, which is always a fun feeling. My boys got some drum sticks signed by them at the Austin City Limits Festival a couple of years ago. They were adorable.

Good luck with the painting and the house selling and everything else. I hope it all works out.

Not Your Aunt B said...

I am so impressed with how you are dealing with it all. Especially the stuff with your mom- it's always harder when its a parent and the (used to) live with you.
i need to get back into reading. Right now I am reading stuff for work which is boooooring.

Penny said...

I love the description of your conversations with your mom. I wish I could up. My mom tends to be in complete denial about her behavior and then I get ANGRY and it just isn't pretty...BUT I will have to agree with you on your dad, my dad is similiar...You always know what you are going to get, good or bad, and even though I don't agree with his choices a lot of times I think we try to remain supportive of each other. Anyway, I continue to hope it all works out for you!

Tammie said...

thanks everyone for all your kind words about how well im handling this. in all honesty, this has been going on for some months now so ive really had time to go through the entire range of emotions.

lia: believe me, im the same way. i cant ever let anything go. especially if i feel ive been wronged. but, in this instance, ive talked until im blue in the face and there just is no changing it.

i feel the same way about VW, just good fun music.

penny: ive done my share of getting angry. there were times i was speaking to my mom and i was so frustrated that i just wanted to scream as loud as i could. there are still plenty of unresolved issues and i still dont think she fully understands how i feel about certain things. but at this point, im just talking in circles.

Tammie said...

not hannah: im glad its not a downer. i was worried id have to put it off until a later time.

peggy: tomorrow then! im holding you to that! :)

Not Hannah said...

Heads up, though: it does deal with a complicated father/daughter/family relationship. Just thought of that and wanted to let you know.

~ The Jolly Bee ~ said...

I'm glad you're feeling better. Sometimes it takes a little time for things -- like reality -- to settle in. And that's okay. After a while, you start to accept the situation and you're ready to move on. Just keep plugging away, getting ready for the big move. It will all work out.

Dani said...

I'll join the bandwagon and echo the sentiment that I'm glad you are in a better place. Of course. A bad place is no place to be.

Accepting that people are who they are is a difficult task...especially if who they are isn't exactly who you'd like them to be.

And you used my most favorite line: It is what it is. Words I live by.

Don't get too looped on paint fumes.

Jessie Earth Momma said...

I really have been thinking about you lately and sending good thoughts to you. I can only imagine what you feel and hope that it resolves itself one way or another. I've found in my many years of toil and resolve. One door may slam harder than ever before, thus shattering an even larger window open.

Love, peace and J hugs.

Mari said...

I want to see the Invention of Lying. It's one of those forgotten ones, you know, where you see the trailer and hear about it when it comes out, then by the time it's available to rent you've forgotten all about it. For some reason, the title reminds me of Stranger than Fiction. Really liked that one, have you seen it? If not, I think you would like it!

alisha said...

I'm glad you were able to make some peace.

And yes, you should always follow your instincts. It's so hard sometimes, but they're usually right.

much love and have fun painting (blah!).

Maria Rose said...

Sounds like you're doing well. Sorry to have missed your post last week, but you're in my thoughts.

PS I really want to see the invention of Lying.

kraftykash said...

Glad things are going a little smoother. For every thing there is a reason. So when, my 14 yr old is running off at the mouth, I remind myself of this. It really helps. :D Im glad that you Dad came around when you needed him most. Try not to focus on the negative in things, try to stay positive.

Juju at Tales of said...

I LOVED the film. Not sure I can take the heart break the book will surely put me through.

victoria said...

I am so happy that you are in this phase of moving. The motivated to paint and "we're actually moving stage"! Like Theresa mentioned, it really is like having a baby. Have to let one life go to let the new one in. The way you wrote about having a "sense of loss" about your mom ... such a scary sense of loss saying good-bye to comfort zones.

I'm still so excited for you! I know you are ready and you'll do great!!