Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Awards

Mag recently bestowed upon me some awards:The rules of the Honest Scrap award state that I have to share ten honest things about myself. I'll try to make this as interesting as possible.

1. When I was 15 years old I bought a vintage wedding dress at a thrift store. It fit me perfectly and I just knew I was destined to wear it on my wedding day. Well, fast forward to five years later and I was getting married in the courthouse in jeans and a tee shirt. A few months later I gave the dress to a coworker for her Halloween costume. I'm kinda wishing I had kept it.

2. The co-worker I gave it to was very annoying and had horrifically stained teeth. Behind her back the other employees and I referred to her as "Poop Tooth." (I know, real mature. I am so going to hell.)

3. One day, another co-worker at that same job decided to tell me all about the anal sex escapades she had with her boyfriend. That night I went home and told Jay what I had to put up with at work and he started referring to her (behind her back of course) as "Poop Shoot." So for a brief time I worked with a Poop Tooth and a Poop Shoot.

4. I haven't been on an air plane in over a decade. I'm deathly afraid of flying. When the time comes for me to have to get back on an airplane, I'm certain I'll need sedatives.

5. I've never smoked or done any type of illegal drug. I have though, been drinking coffee since I was 12.

6. I love the taste of dry, ramen noodles. I'll open up a package and just start snacking on the uncooked brick of noodles. This grosses out the family.

7. When I was a senior in high school I was on the work release program. I had a job at a bank and everyday I was to leave school early to go to work. I quit my job after one day thus earning a failing grade for the class periods I would have been at my job. The school didn't really know what to do with me so they put me in the library and I aided the librarian for two hours everyday for the rest of the school year. I loved working in the library. To this day it was the most rewarding work I've ever done.

8. When I was a kid I had an imaginary friend named Fugsy Megaton. I don't know if I invented him, or if he was a little known tv character, possibly from an episode of The Flintstones. Other than in my head, I've never been able to find proof of his existence anywhere. (I've actually blogged about him before, but I like to bring him up from time to time to see if anyone else knows what I'm talking about. As of yet, no one has come forward.)

9. I can't read a map at all and it takes me an eternity to find other countries on a map. I'm a dumb American.

10. For the last five days I have been searching for this magazine:Any guesses as to why? (ha) Last Thursday I was informed by the Entertainment Weekly Website that I could, "Look for it on newsstands on November 6." Silly me, I mistook that to mean newsstands everywhere. Since last Friday morning Jay and I have been to at least ten different grocery stores (some more than once), one gas station, K Mart, Borders Books (more than once), Books A Million, Walgreens, and Target. I finally found it today at Barnes and Noble. ( I just want to give a little shout out to my awesome husband for going on this search mission with me. As we were leaving Barnes and Noble he looked at me and asked, "Well now what are we going to do with our time?")

Now, I'm supposed to give these awards to other bloggers. The winners are:

Penny

Ducky

Hotch Potchery

Dani

Cerebral Misfortune

If interested, please play along. I'd love to know more about you.

Edited to add:: Jay just read this and informed me that in regards to #3, the nickname he created wasn't "Poop Shoot" but "Butt Plug." At first I wasn't sure about this, I was almost certain it was Poop Shoot, but after some thought, I realized he's right, it was indeed Butt Plug. Now I'm just left wondering which is more disgusting.

14 comments:

Hotch Potchery said...

ha ha ha, Butt Plug.

Thanks for the award. I will try to think of interesting things about myself.

Daphne said...

I *just* saw that issue at Borders today and thought of you. I even opened it up to find out about the "nude scene" so I could email you about it! But, of course, you already know about it. Silly me. :)

Not Your Aunt B said...

I busted out laughing with Poop Tooth and Poop Shoot! So funny! I would totally have given them names like that too. We'll have a grand time in hell together, no?

R.H. Ducky said...

aww, thanks for the award. and thanks for sharing...i love posts like these.

and i'm still laughing at the poop tooth/poop shoot/butt plug thing.

and out of curiosity i googled fugsy megaton and literally only got 3 hits, and they were all to your blog. i don't think that's ever happened.

Mari said...

Wow, I was all ready to send the mag to you, but you persevered!

Anonymous said...

What up schmoe? I am not blog award worthy? Shit fire!

Poop tooth. That makes me gross out. I keep seeing someone with poop on thier teeth. Ewwww!

signed-Crystal from Elsewhere living. I haven't figured out the new laptop and cannot add the URL. Arrrrgh!

Tammie said...

ha ha ha ha!!!! are you drunk crystal?!?! if so, im totally jealous.

consider yourself award worthy! id love to know more random things about you.

Dani said...

You like me! You really like me!

I'm honored by the award and am game. Of course I have to come up with some good dirt to share that won't offend some of my more genteel readers. (Like my Mom.)

I often joke that I'm going to Hell as well. We can sit at the bar and share a drink.

Maria Rose said...

Poop tooth...oh my!

Jessica said...

Congrats-- I loved reading a bit about you!

victoria said...

This was just too funny! I only got to Poop Tooth and was cracking up ... then the Poop Tooth/Poop Shoot was just too much- I had to read it out loud to g. I think this means I'm going to hell in a hand basket, too! I am excited and humbly accept my award! :-)

kraftykash said...

After the poop shoot reference I now know I husbands would get along great! LOL
Im glad that you got those awards, you are an awesome blogger!!

Tammie said...

kash: oh yeah, there can never be enough poop/butt jokes around here. i think its only going to get worse as the boy gets older.

hester said...

I know so much more about you now!