There has been so much going on in my life the last few months and I've wanted to write about it here but it's difficult for me to write about events as they are happening around me. I like for things to settle down a bit before I put my spin on it and send it out onto the internet. So, for those of you wondering, here's a small glimpse at what's been going on for the last few months.
*Most of you know my mom lives with me and that earlier in the year she kicked her husband out. Most of you also probably know that Jay and I bought this house because it was big enough for our family and the extended family. What you don't know is that my mom has spent most of the last three months at her new boyfriends house. That, coupled with the fact that since the separation she's had a hard time getting her personal finances in order, has left a lot of things up in the air concerning our house. Jay and I have been in a state of confusion for the last 6-8 weeks trying to figure out what our next step would be.
*While all this was happening, I was also feeling a serious amount of resentment towards my mom. I really felt as if she was making her problems, our problems. While she's out with her boyfriend, I had to deal with her stupid ex calling all hours of the day and night. Not to mention trying to put on a happy face and keep most of the white trash soap opera drama away from the children. For me, one of the hardest parts about being a parent is how I always have to be "on." I've never been a good actress and I don't have the ability to put on a happy face when I'm not happy.
*Summers are always difficult for us financially because our utility bill tends to go up about $200. Florida summers are brutal.*For the last six weeks or so, Jay has been working a lot. A few weeks ago he worked 11 straight days without a day off and he's about to do at least 14 days without a day off. He's sick of being at work and I'm sick of being at home. We are both stretched incredibly thin.
*My mom and I had a long talk this past weekend and we worked out most of our problems. We literally talked until both of our phone batteries were dead. It felt good to get it all out. I'm a firm believer in the power of communication and I hate carrying around weight brought on by life's drama. (My mom, on the other hand, has never liked confrontation and she always hopes problems will go away on their own. Does that ever happen?)
*Financially, we should be back on track within the next month or two. There are plans in the works to lighten my mom's financial load and hopefully things will settle down soon. Plus, I got my electric bill and it's $100 less than last month. Hooray for small victories.
*Somehow through all of this, Jay and I have gotten closer. The other day I thanked him for really being here for me for the last few months. In his typical, casual way he replied, "Babe, I've always been here." I said, "Yeah, well, I guess it took me twelve years to see that." He laughed and said, "Wow-twelve years! That was one grueling job interview." He really is my best friend. I don't know if I'd leave him even for Alec Baldwin. I can't wait for his work load to lighten up a bit so I can actually spend an entire day with him.
So there you have it--a small snapshot of my life for the last three months. I didn't go into as much detail as I normally would, because since things are getting better, I feel like I'd be dredging up the past and I really want to just put it all behind me. As for 29 Gifts, I still want to do this project, but now is just not the best time for me. I started out strong, but when my life got too hectic, I just couldn't keep up with it and it totally slipped my mind. Or I'd just get bummed out and not be motivated to do anything kind. For instance, I watched my neighbors house for them while they were away on vacation and my plan was to surprise them by leaving brownies on their kitchen counter. Well, I made the brownies but then ate them myself before my neighbors returned. I want to revisit 29 Gifts sometime after school starts. Hopefully by then I'll be in a more positive mood and my kindness journal will include acts better than, "I didn't punch anyone in the face today."
This morning my daughter came into my bed, plopped herself over my body and told me her tummy hurt. Moments later she vomited chocolate milk puke all over herself, me, and my bed.
Deep breaths. Tomorrow is a new day.