Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Bad, The Good, and The Ugly

I feel like my blog has taken a strange turn lately. There have been a few times when it's gotten very personal, but mostly it's been a lot of impersonal book reviews and cooking or sewing projects. While I don't think there is anything wrong with the less personal topics, I honestly believe that what keeps you people coming back, is that you know a little dirt about me and I don't mind occasionally opening up my closet for you folks to get a glimpse at the skeletons that reside there.

There has been so much going on in my life the last few months and I've wanted to write about it here but it's difficult for me to write about events as they are happening around me. I like for things to settle down a bit before I put my spin on it and send it out onto the internet. So, for those of you wondering, here's a small glimpse at what's been going on for the last few months.

The Bad
*Most of you know my mom lives with me and that earlier in the year she kicked her husband out. Most of you also probably know that Jay and I bought this house because it was big enough for our family and the extended family. What you don't know is that my mom has spent most of the last three months at her new boyfriends house. That, coupled with the fact that since the separation she's had a hard time getting her personal finances in order, has left a lot of things up in the air concerning our house. Jay and I have been in a state of confusion for the last 6-8 weeks trying to figure out what our next step would be.

*While all this was happening, I was also feeling a serious amount of resentment towards my mom. I really felt as if she was making her problems, our problems. While she's out with her boyfriend, I had to deal with her stupid ex calling all hours of the day and night. Not to mention trying to put on a happy face and keep most of the white trash soap opera drama away from the children. For me, one of the hardest parts about being a parent is how I always have to be "on." I've never been a good actress and I don't have the ability to put on a happy face when I'm not happy.

*Summers are always difficult for us financially because our utility bill tends to go up about $200. Florida summers are brutal.

*For the last six weeks or so, Jay has been working a lot. A few weeks ago he worked 11 straight days without a day off and he's about to do at least 14 days without a day off. He's sick of being at work and I'm sick of being at home. We are both stretched incredibly thin.

The Good
*My mom and I had a long talk this past weekend and we worked out most of our problems. We literally talked until both of our phone batteries were dead. It felt good to get it all out. I'm a firm believer in the power of communication and I hate carrying around weight brought on by life's drama. (My mom, on the other hand, has never liked confrontation and she always hopes problems will go away on their own. Does that ever happen?)

*Financially, we should be back on track within the next month or two. There are plans in the works to lighten my mom's financial load and hopefully things will settle down soon. Plus, I got my electric bill and it's $100 less than last month. Hooray for small victories.

*Somehow through all of this, Jay and I have gotten closer. The other day I thanked him for really being here for me for the last few months. In his typical, casual way he replied, "Babe, I've always been here." I said, "Yeah, well, I guess it took me twelve years to see that." He laughed and said, "Wow-twelve years! That was one grueling job interview." He really is my best friend. I don't know if I'd leave him even for Alec Baldwin. I can't wait for his work load to lighten up a bit so I can actually spend an entire day with him.

So there you have it--a small snapshot of my life for the last three months. I didn't go into as much detail as I normally would, because since things are getting better, I feel like I'd be dredging up the past and I really want to just put it all behind me. As for 29 Gifts, I still want to do this project, but now is just not the best time for me. I started out strong, but when my life got too hectic, I just couldn't keep up with it and it totally slipped my mind. Or I'd just get bummed out and not be motivated to do anything kind. For instance, I watched my neighbors house for them while they were away on vacation and my plan was to surprise them by leaving brownies on their kitchen counter. Well, I made the brownies but then ate them myself before my neighbors returned. I want to revisit 29 Gifts sometime after school starts. Hopefully by then I'll be in a more positive mood and my kindness journal will include acts better than, "I didn't punch anyone in the face today."

The Ugly
This morning my daughter came into my bed, plopped herself over my body and told me her tummy hurt. Moments later she vomited chocolate milk puke all over herself, me, and my bed.

Deep breaths. Tomorrow is a new day.


Barefoot_Mommy said...

We have a lot of the same confusion issues at our house due to my hubby's sister "living" here, which I'm hoping to have sorted out soon.

I can feel ya on the utilities. Tim's family is from central Florida. We visited his mom ONCE during the summer. Now she gets to see us at christmas when it's a nice 70 degrees. LOL

Hope the little one feels better soon and that things continue to improve.

Dani said...

I am glad life is finding order. And that you and your Mr. are closer because of it. Me and my Mr. are rounding that corner ourselves. I think he has been there....I just needed to catch up to him.

Chocolate milk puke? Ish.

Not Your Aunt B said...

BIG HUGS to you.

Just know that you aren't alone. You're not the only one going through tough times with finances, work, family. I always tend to think the grass is greener and that we're the only ones going through things (so dramatic, I know), but the grass isn't greener it's just St. Augustine instead of Bermuda. Things will get better. You will figure it out. And little surprises like $100 less than you expected on a bill are awesome!

Tammie said...

thanks all, for the kind words.

barefoot: the girl was better as the day wore on. thank god...i couldnt deal with more puke.

dani: it smelled awful. ive washed my bed spread twice today trying to get it out. i have an energy efficient washer that doesnt use a lot of water and it doesnt seem to be up to the challenge of chocolate milk puke.

b: thanks. i know what you mean, and whenever im going through crap i feel like im the only one, ya know? i certainly dont want everyone to be unhappy when im unhappy, but it helps to know im not the only one. :)

CT said...

oh Tammie! it sometimes feels like the weight of the world is on your own (too narrow for the load) shoulders, doesn't it? Thank you for your fresh, honest posts... makes me remember we are in the same boat, no matter if we are in Florida or Brisbane or Tacoma or Jalisco or wherever in the world.. you know? I've begun refering to you as "the girls" when I talk with my mom... like we are friends who see each other often to talk about troubles and encourage each other. And really, isn't it what we do with these blogs of ours?

Carla said...

Oh all I can say is I know how you feel except with a slightly different set of circumstances. At least we know there had to be an end and we have great husbands by our sides!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I literally LOLed at you eating the brownies before you could give them to the neighbors. I would've done the same thing. Why waste them on neighbors?
I'm glad things are getting better. I am sure the Mama Drama is tough. I hope you get to spend a day with Jay soon.

kraftykash said...

I bet that felt so good to get that off your chest, girl! Im glad you have Jay. Kiley is my rock, through the good and the bad. I really truly believe life only gives you as much as you can handle. Thats hard to remember when you are losing your mind. Trust me, Ive been there.

hester said...'ve definitely been doing it tough. And chocolate milk vomit would be the absolute last straw for me. I"m glad things are looking up and really admire you for having an honest talk to your mum. I should try that more often.

alisha said...

thank you for your honesty. this is life!

Daphne said...

Oh, I laughed out loud (sympathetically) at your last paragraph there... yuck. Anyway, I'm so glad that all this stuff is bringing you and Jay closer -- that's when you know things are going to be okay. You've been under a lot of stress and I hope you guys get some time to yourselves soon! Hugs, hugs, and email anytime.

Maria Rose said...

It sounds like things are starting to turn around...with the exception of chocolate puke. I hope things continue to look up and your utility bill continues to go down!

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...


That had to feel better to purge a bit. Even if you left out most of the gory details. I know that was why I started writing.
Besides now I take it out on the blog instead of my husband and he is so appreciative of that.

I give you huge props for living with your mom. Not sure I could do that and I admire your strength to do it. There would probaby be a picture of me in the post office if she were to live with me.

Have a wonderful and quiet weekend.

Hotch Potchery said...

It is interesting that you posted about your mom, and I am really struggling with whether to let my mom live with us for a few months---my friends all tell me "hell NO", but I don't know if I can physically say those words to her (I would probably leave off the hell).

During our MOST awful financial/everything horrible times, is when Mr. P and I became the duo we are---hang in there!


Shalet said...

My theory is if you are going to have puke it might as well have chocolate in it!