It's been a few weeks since I talked about my resolution concerning credit card usage. Even though I don't mention it here often, I feel like I'm constantly thinking about spending money. Not just on things I want, but on bills and other necessities. Right now I feel like I'm thinking about money more than ever, and it's depressing.
Jay and I had a credit card setback this weekend. I spent $51 on fabric at Etsy and Jay bought a $30 blender at Best Buy. The blender was to replace the one that was taken when my mom's ex husband moved out. And the fabric, well, I suppose that was frivolous. My first truly frivolous credit card purchase of the year.
I'm in no way making excuses for my spending, but I want to be honest in saying that this year has been rough for me so far. First there was the dissolution of my mom's marriage, while ultimately a good thing, didn't come without a few bumps in the road, one bump being the fact that there is now one less income being brought into the house. Then the boy broke his arm. (As a side note to this, my son is a walking accident lately. In the space of six weeks he broke his arm, got hit in the face with a rock, and fell into a cactus patch. I'm scared to let him leave the house.) Now my beloved big dog Lulu is dying of cancer and the feeling of not being able to fix it is frustrating and powerfully overwhelming. Our hope is that she dies peacefully and quietly here at home, but if the inevitable doesn't happen soon, other measures will have to be taken. There is a lot of sad waiting going on here. Again, I'm not making excuses for my spending. I'm aware that life is always going to come with its struggles. My life just seems to be a little bit harder than usual lately.
One reason we aren't using credit cards this year is because we want to learn to better enjoy life without spending money. The major reason though, is that our debt was crazy and if we didn't start actively digging ourselves out of the hole, it would have gotten ugly real soon. Despite this weekends setback, we've made headway. We just can't afford anymore setbacks.
While I am an all-or-nothing perfectionist with goals, Jay is more easygoing and realistic. He says I need to quit beating myself up and move on, that I shouldn't be thinking about this nearly as much as I am, and that this weekends shopping was just an itch that needed to be scratched. I agree with him and I know that he's right, my brain just works a little differently I guess.
In other spending news: We still haven't bought any new clothes this year and I am to the point where I literally hate everything in my closet. This weekend I cleaned out my closet and threw away some of the more ragged items. Jay said I should give myself permission to buy a few things. (I think he's just tired of seeing my clothes.) I refuse to though because I think it's a slippery slope. If I justify buying one item, it will be much easier to justify buying more. Then in three weeks I'll get a credit card bill and be depressed. But yeah, totally hating my wardrobe right now.
In conclusion, we've made some progress but I still feel we have a long way to go. I really want to learn to deal with life's problems without going into debt. Any advice, kind words, or your own personal debt stories are appreciated.