Thursday, June 5, 2008

Lack of Motivation and One Cause of It

At this very moment one of the many cats that call this place home is meowing at the door with a half-dead lizard in her mouth. She wants me to let her in so she can finish the murdering on my bath mat and then drop the lizard corpse at my feet as some sort of gift. I cannot be bothered with this today so I just chose to shut the blinds instead. Some days I go out and save the lizard. Not today. Today I turn a blind eye and hum "The Circle of Life."

I'm not very motivated today. In fact, I have been quite the slacker. Even after drinking two Diet Pepsi Max's, nothing seems manageable. Like, I look around and all the tasks that I normally have no problem completing seem incredibly daunting so I just think, Why should I even bother trying today? I'm aware that if everyone in the world took this attitude, then nothing would get done. I'm trying not to think about that and instead just hope that I get back on track tomorrow.

Mostly, I think I just feel like being lazy. But I must place partial blame for my lack of motivation on my daughter who has been talking since about 6:15 this morning. She has always been a loud, vocal child, literally since birth. On the evening after she was born, Jay and the boy were asleep and I was lying in the hospital bed holding the girl, and I remember her making some of the prettiest gurgling noises imaginable. I was in love with those sounds. I was in love with all the sounds she made.

What a damn fool I was. Seriously the child has not shut up since. Not only does she talk constantly. But she talks loudly. Her everyday speaking voice borders on that of a holler. Her inside voice is the average child's outside voice. I blame this on my husband. His whisper is on the same decibel level as my everyday voice. When we are in public and Jay whispers something to me like, "Wow...check out the misshapen melon on that guy"---I cringe. I just know that melon head probably heard every word.

But back to my daughter. Today her noise level has been exceptionally loud and it has worn me out. Her vocabulary has expanded quite a bit in the past few weeks and she talks in, not only complete sentences, but complete paragraphs. Long paragraphs. I don't allow her to outright yell at me, or anyone else in the house for that matter, so she has taken to yelling at her toys. The discipline she hands out isn't reserved just for dolls, but anything that she perceives as disobeying her wishes. A ball of Play-Doh falls on the floor, she yells to it, "I SAID NO!" If she's having trouble jamming together some Tinker-Toys, they also get the "I SAID NO!" When I first witnessed this behaviour, I thought it was slightly humorous. Now I see it for what it is--irritating and bratty. The sound just scrapes at my nerves, much like nails on a chalk board. Or a meowing cat with a lizard in her mouth, scratching on my glass door.

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