Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Early Morning Bitchin'

All I want first thing in the morning is to sit on the couch with a fresh cup of coffee and watch The Weather Channel. Maybe with a fluffy, purring cat in my lap.

How come I never get this?

How come there is never a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me? How come I have to suck yesterdays cold bitter coffee grounds out of the french press just to have enough energy to make a fresh pot of coffee? How come there is no room in the sink to even clean the french press to make a new pot of coffee? So in order to do so I have to clean the kitchen and wash all the dishes. Why didn't I wash the vodka glasses last night?

How come instead of the soothing voices of The Weather Channel's meteorologists, I have to hear a screaming three year old yelling for pizza flavored Goldfish? Who even wants pizza flavored Goldfish at six in the morning?

How come my son can't make his four Eggo breakfast quietly? Why does he have to clang and bang together every plate and piece of silverware in the house? It feels as if I'm waking up in a Denny's. Order up! Actually, I take that back because at least at Denny's I would have fresh coffee.

If I had all the money in the world I wouldn't waste it on fancy cars or huge mansions. I wouldn't even have an entourage of people following me around and catering to my every whim. My one extravagant expense would be to pay someone to come to my house at six in the morning and make coffee for me and put up with my children until I have the energy to do so myself. This person would only have to work a few hours everyday but I would pay them so well that it would be the only job they needed.

I would just lay in bed with earplugs, a purring cat, and a warm, fresh cup of coffee.

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